Lonely son desperate for friendships

[Sonia84]

My son is 7 and very lonely. He is kind, sensitive, polite and generous, but he’s always struggled to make friends and summer holidays are breaking my heart. He’s desperate to go out and play and meet up with friends, but he just has nobody. There are a couple of people in his class who live near us but they a bit too rough and boisterous for him. They’re also prone to being quite mean to him so he’s given up trying to be friends with them. Our neighbour’s children have bullied him in the past. I’ve tried to arrange play dates with other parents, but everyone is working or on holiday. His only friend from school is ignoring his messages.
I feel so sad for him not being able to go out and play.
I was wondering if anyone is in a similar position? I’ve posted on the local thread to see if anyone near me would like to meet up but I don’t know if it will work.
Or if not, does anyone have suggestions? He’s too shy for sports clubs and things like that. His self esteem and confidence are so low. I just want him to have fun and be happy. All he wants are some friends.

Sorry for the sob story, I don’t know what else to do.

You mention that he is too shy for sports clubs etc, but from experience I'd say that this is one really good way for children to make friends. My DS was exactly the same at that age, and we'd just moved to another area as well so he knew nobody and didn't have the social skills to get to know anyone. It broke my heart . Then I saw a flyer for a soccer club and I suggested it to him - he was very reluctant but I was desperate and it made me pushy ! I took him along and bingo it turned out that he actually caught on quickly and became a good player. And the pals he met in the team, translated into friendships at school and they ended up great mates.

Sometimes you have to stop thinking "he couldn't do this / that " and just take them in hand. Things like sports are much better if started at this age - any older and he'd be starting off with boys much younger than himself. Give it a go - you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Thank you for replying :)

We’ve signed him up for every club you can imagine! Including football... these just don’t generate friendships. He’s generally just left out of things that happen outside of the clubs.

My son was like yours. A sweet and kind boy but not into sports and made no friends among the boys at his school. I kept him busy every summer with swim class, karate class, computer class (from local college) and church summer kids' club. He did not make friends outside these activities but he did not spend the holidays lonely and/bored.
It took him until he was sixth grade (age 13) to meet a few boys who were like him and form friendships that spilled over into school vacations. But he also is a certified rescue swimmer, a brown belt in karate, and an advanced computer programmer. Time was not wasted.

If you are in the south east we would be happy to meet up I've got a ds who is nearly 7 and an only too

My daughter is nine and says the holidays she misses her school friends. I have now organised play dates with her classmates for after her holiday camp. It’s an effort on my part but it’s good for her mental health and makes her feel connected. Any local parks for meeting people and their children? Sport - definitely. Really good for the self esteem

What about summer clubs that are not sporty - like maybe a drama school or something - my son is not at all sporty but he really enjoyed hip hop dancing & this year he went to a circus camp for a week and loved it - they learned juggling, trapeze, plate spinning etc!

I also found that the type of children/personalities at these sorts of classes rather than say a football camp suit my son better and he has made friends!

I am in the SE and happy to meet up. DS is 8 and is an only. No family support whatsoever and not many friends.

I'd second drama clubs, woodcraft folk, art clubs. But weekly during term is better than starting off with week long intense setups.

Could he (you) feed someone else's pets while they are away, even if he can't have a pet himself? it makes a connection.

Learn an instrument that could potentially be part of an ensemble in the future. Ds's piano teacher is tbh one of his substitute Dads (dh died 2 years ago) but is also a friend. Piano isn't in itself a sociable instrument but it's the one he likes and is good at; keyboards at least have potential to be in a group.