"I want a baby sister"

[Irons]

I have one DD and although I would have liked another my husband decided we're not having anymore (he has a DS from previous marriage, but he is a teenager and we don't see a lot of him). It's been tough but I've accepted it eventually and decided to be happy with the beautiful DC I have and enjoy every minute. However, my DD who is coming up to 4 years keeps telling me she wants a baby sister. I've tried explaining mummy and daddy not having anymore babies and also explained that even if we did we can't be sure to have a baby sister. It's hard trying to explain to a 3 year old!!

Has this happened to anyone else with an only child? Is it a phase she is going through? It doesn't help that all our friends have already had their second or are about to have their second child.

Sorry - ds occasionally asks still, and he's 9. He has now decided that dh and I should split up so that he has a good chance of getting a stepbrother.

TBH I find it very painful and he clearly does as well. Sorry not to be cheerier.

Thanks at least I know I'm not the only one having these feelings

Irons and joan (love your name!), you have my sympathies.
DD is 4 and went through a phase of asking when she was around 3.5, then forgot about it, then started again at 4. She has been know to cry about it, especially at bedtime because she doesn't like to be on her own. She makes me so sad when she is like this. You should see the way she looks at mums and dads cooing over their babies/young toddlers, all dewy-eyed and dreamy-smiled! She does maintain though that she wants to have a baby when she grows up, but only when is is very old "like mummy"!

I doesn't help that people have been saying to me that the age gap would be too big anyway (well, they've been saying that for over a year now ). But, and this is a big but, if we had a baby it would be only to give her a sibling, DH and I are not desperate for another child and are happy with the ways things are. And certainly happier than we would be with another child. Everybody is different, but I don't think we could cope. Still, I do sometimes feel like we are not doing the right thing for DD. But we probably are doing the right thing for us as a family.

All we can do is make the most of what we have now. Have some

Can I ask why your husband got to decide this?

I was in the same boat Irons, right down to th reason. DD is now 8 and it was about the same age that she started asking.

Funnily enough she said something again this morning about how she wished she had someone at home to play with - it makes me feel very guilty, but rest assured she will have forgotten she'd even asked by now, whereas I end up mulling over it and beating myself up for the rest of the day.

I tend to play on the "Well even if I did have another baby now, it would be at least 2 years before you'd be actually able to play with it, and probably another 2 years before it would play any games with you - and by then you'd be 4 years older"

She tends to accept that quite well.

I don't know if this will help, I've got 2 dc and my 3 year old dd is desperate for a baby brother or sister; so in a way it wouldn't matter how many children you had, your dc may still want more.

I also say to my dc when they both ask for another baby that I've only got 2 arms, I wouldn't be able to cuddle another baby, in the same way could you say that you've only got one lap so where would the baby sit.

Doesn't cut much ice at 9 Working - ds is the only 'only' in his class so he can see that other people seem to manage!!

I just acknowledge that yes, it's hard, and there are some pluses to it but it's not surprising that he feels that way.

I also have 2 DDs. And the youngest is asking for a baby sister. She isn't getting one though.

I can speak from you dd's pov when I was smaller I was always asking my mum for a dsis or dbro. And whilst I do now sometimes wonder what it would be like, I think asking my dm for one was very much a phase

My DS (6) has been doing it from time to time since he was 3.5 or so. It's happening less often now. I tend to say (because its true) that I'd love a sibling for him too but it isn't going to happen. (Not the same reason as you - I'm too old!). And he tends to just say "oh, okay then".
It was hard when he was smaller because it was a time of miscarriages and hormones and I wasn't great at hiding my feelings!