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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Did you choose to stop at one?

17 replies

HenriettaChicken · 07/09/2012 19:24

Just that really...My DH & I have a beautiful 5 month old DS & are seriously considering stopping at one. He's amazing and we work so well as a gang of 3. At the moment the only reason we would consider a 2nd would be if, as he gets older, we feel he'd really benefit from being a sibling. I'd always thought we'd have more - and if there were any 'happy accidents' it'd be wonderful, but we are so complete right now.

Looking through the recent posts it doesn't seem as though many MNers specifically chose to stop at one. Is that true? And if you did - what was your reasoning and how are you finding it?

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Tee2072 · 07/09/2012 19:26

Yes. It is perfect for us.

beanandspud · 07/09/2012 21:04

Yes, we did for all sorts of reasons. We are a great little team and very happy.

Do what is right for you and your own family, nobody else can make that decision for you.

N0tinmylife · 09/09/2012 14:52

No, we didn't choose it, but actually I'm coming round to the idea that things may have worked out for the best for us. I am loving being a Mum of 1!

Dutchie77 · 10/09/2012 14:10

Yes. One is enough for us. We are in perfect balance. I do wonder how a baby girl would look like (we have a son), but having another child would kill our relationship. We are. Very attached to that little bit of own space we need for ourselves to be truly happy. And i want to go back at work at some point. With two kids childcare will be unafordable, with no family close.

booksandchoc · 10/09/2012 14:12

We have chosen to have an only child. Few different reasons, makes more sense financially, husbands health isn't the best and I actually dont like the baby bit. Love my dd but we are a perfect wee family.

Original poster

HenriettaChicken · 10/09/2012 14:27

It's great to hear other people's views on it. It seems that the norm today is to have 2 kids. DH is a happy only, and I have a sister, but I wouldn't say that we're close, or that I felt blessed growing up to have a sibling! (We get on much better now...) So we are just questioning the assumption that after one, another must follow.

Thanks for all the honest answers - I'd love to hear from anyone else too. :)

OP posts:

ottawagirl · 27/09/2012 14:05

Hi there HenriettaChicken, I chose to stop at one. She's 5 now and a very happy little girl (although she is very shy and I sometimes wonder if a sibling would help her out of her shell. Apparently not, I am told!).

Do I have regrets about not giving her a sibling? Sometimes. But having said that, my day to day life is harmonious and pretty wonderful. My DH and I are both freelance in creative fields and having 1 child means we can manage the ups and downs of our lives. We just came back from a month long road trip around the US. I kept thanking my lucky stars we only had one as it is so manageable and so pleasant and we all had an amazing time. One child fits in with whatever is going on and I have to say my DD really enjoys the fact she gets so much time with us when we aren't working.

But everyone is different and every family has their own unique dynamic. If you go for number 2, do it for you and not to give your child a sibling. Hope this helps a wee bit.

MoelFammau · 16/10/2012 23:28

I'm in a similar situation to Ottowagirl. We both work as creative freelancers and have family in the US (east and west coast), Germany and the UK. If we had more than one child, we couldn't afford to travel. Our DD would miss out on a lot of family get-togethers. Our balance is great and I do think another child would really complicate things too much.

baffledbb · 16/10/2012 23:43

We had dd when i was 38 and kept designating when we would try again and then moving it back and back until now I'm 44 and trying for number 2 seems unlikely! I think therefore it is probably right to say we did chose to stop at one although the descision was not that clearcut.
A few of my relatives have had babies quite recently and I actually thought maybe that would make me have regrets but it hasn't.

Monica1972 · 17/10/2012 12:03

We always knew we only wanted one, I hoped for a little girl, got what I wanted and that's that. She is an absolute gem, sociable, polite, cheerful little girl. The only reason I'd ever consider another would be for her and don't think that's the right reason or that she even realises that me having another baby would mean not being able to spend as much time with her. I don't understand the need people seem to have for more children. People think me odd, I know, but I can't even imagine loving another child as much as I love my DD!

Jac1978 · 17/10/2012 22:21

I think every child should be wanted in their own right not just as a sibling for a first child. I want to stop at one. Not for any noble reason but because although I love my DD I can't face all that again - pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights, annoying visitors lecturing at every opportunity, I mean WHY would you do that twice?! I have great fun with the three of us, am finally back in my size 12 jeans, the mother in law's visits have gone down to once a week and I generally get a good night's sleep. One is enough for me and my little girl will have as much as I can give her.

KLou111 · 19/10/2012 14:23

Monica I am the same. I love our 14 month old son more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

As much as we always said we'd have 2 and start trying in the new year, the thought of the sleepless nights, less time with ds, and even less time with Dh scares me to death.

We love our holidays, we love that we have just moved 3.5hrs back 'home' 3 months ago and my parents are a 5 min walk, Dh parents a 10 min drive. They are all retired so will have ds whenever they like, but 2 may be more tricky.

I do question whether I would only want 2 for Ds rather than for us.

Thankfully neither of us really works as such (we own and let property) and our lives are perfect for us.
If we had an accident as such, I'm not saying it wouldn't be a happy accident, but as we are at the moment is just lovely. It does help that our ds is an angel, eats great, slept 7pm for 12/13/14 hrs since 4 months, with the odd blip for colds etc, so we've been lucky. And he is the apple of our eye :)

KLou111 · 19/10/2012 14:26

And I didn't like the pregnancy bit either!! Even though I had no sickness and no real bump til 7 months. It just drags lol!

UniS · 19/10/2012 20:27

Not so much "stop" at one, more start with one and stay with one.

SarahG41 · 24/10/2012 09:04

I am stopping at one. However if I won the lottery tomorrow then I would try for a 'happy accident'. I will be making sure he is grounded and not ever classified as a 'spoilt only child'. I can't wait to tell him that "we have a special bond as he is THE only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside" ;)

DizzyPurple · 24/10/2012 09:20

Lovely to hear all these positive stories. But where are those forced to stop at one due to circumstance or infertility? I'd love another been ttc for 20 months with no luck and really struggling with the iidea it might not happen. I'll get there and can see advantages with just one but its not really my choice.

TiAAAAARGHo · 24/10/2012 09:27

We're planning to only have one too. I've previously has 2 MCs and really do nt want to go through that again. Also, DH and I can afford to give one child the things we want to give her (she's due in 13 days) - two would blow that out of the water.

If we end up with a second by accident, we'd be happy to have them, but we won't be trying for it.

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