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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Well of course she does that, she's an only

11 replies

Just10moreMinutes · 14/04/2011 07:45

Arrrrgggh, just want to vent really. So fed up with friends and some family attributing everything my 4 year old DD does, be it good or bad, to her being an only child.

For example, she doesn't want to share a particular toy - "Ah, well she is an only child, she's not used to sharing" or when she uses a 'grown-up' word -"Ah, well she is an only child, she'll spend alot more time talking to adults".

We had a day out with friends yesterday and one woman in particular just went on and on about it. Can nothing just be her personality in the eyes of others?

She is a difficult child but surely there are eldest children and youngest children that are hard work too. My sister's DD3 has been by far the most challenging of her girls.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Tillyscoutsmum · 14/04/2011 07:48

People just like something to say. My dc2 always gets "well its because he's a boy".

I was an only child and I remember my grandmother saying my first marriage ended in divorce because I was an only child and wasn't used to living with someone else ?! (nothing to do with him being an abusive cheating bastard of course )

Ambi · 14/04/2011 07:50

My mum does it loads to try get me to have another. Doesn't bother me much tbh.

Original poster

Just10moreMinutes · 14/04/2011 08:04

Tillyscoutsmum - completely shocked your grandmother would say such a thing. Did you manage a response or were you too dumb struck!

I agree that people do just like having something to say and I probably shouldn't let it bother me. Yesterday just left me feeling so glum.

I guess I am overly sensitive at the moment because in different circumstances I'd dearly love another and it would be wonderful if simply having a sibling would make DD easier (she is currently awaiting some professional assessments).

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 14/04/2011 12:04

Just10moreMinutes. It must be annoying enough having those sort of comments if its a conscious decision to have an only child. Good luck - hope it works out for you.

I didn't bother responding to my Grandmother. She's a bit of an old loon and seems to get away with making the most ridiculous comments without anyone picking her up on it

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 14/04/2011 20:27

These sorts of comments are very, well, boring because they show a feeble grasps of psychology. Birth order and presence or absence of siblings do not equal destiny.

There was a thread some time ago where we invented even more preposterous "it's because s/he's an only" statements. On these lines

"My son fell out of a tree and broke his arm"

"Well, that wouldn't have happened if he'd had a sibling to break his fall".

I'll see if I can find it.

BooJonesMummy · 18/04/2011 16:02

Georgia is an only child. She's 2 and is incapable of sharing simply because she is 2 and doesn't know how to! I often get told "it's because she's an only child" and I always get the speach about how only children are lonely children and are incapable of making proper relationships work and I should hurry up and have another so she's not on her own. I have even been called selfish for not having another! She's only bleeding TWO! I'm only 20! I have years left in me!

Rant over.... :o

NoWayNoHow · 18/04/2011 16:12

I've had the same thing from my sister before about DS - he was about 20months, and had just thrown a tantrum, and she said "Well THERE's an only child for you"!!!

I honestly don't know how I didn't kick her in the shins, must've taken all my self-control, but she's slightly self-absorbed and frequently opens her mouth and speaks before thinking about what she's about to say.

Thankfully, I haven't had to endure from others, but it must be really annoying. Just think "Water off a duck's back" repeatedly. Or, if you fancy being a bit bitchy retaliating in a minor way, you could always pick her up on her DC's behaviour (if she has them) by saying things like, "Oh poor mite, she's just desperate for your attention, must be because she's fighting her sibling for it"

BooJonesMummy · 18/04/2011 16:26

I like it NoWayNoHow. I'll remember that one. :o

tallulah · 18/04/2011 16:35

My 4 yo is effectively an only because her siblings are all grown up. Do you know, she acts exactly the same as her older sister used to, and yet we were told at the time that DD1 was acting up because "she's got all those brothers, poor little love".

You just can't win.

purpleknittingmum · 18/04/2011 16:41

I hate people making comments like that

Years ago I was with a group of colleages, one that had 3 adult children and was saying how marvelous it is they are all friends with each other etc and almost suggesting to me and another woman with an only that we should have more! Nothing we were saying would let her see our opinion

NoelEdmondshair · 20/04/2011 04:59

The only person I get comments like this from is a friend who's a grown-up only herself. Today I was telling her how DD (6) had had a lovely day with a few friends at our house but how she'd got a bit frustrated because they'd wanted to play on their DSs so much whilst she'd wanted to play camping and have a tea party. My friend commented "that's because she's an only child," implying she was a bit immature to want to do make-believe games at 6 years old. Whereas I thought it was that she was creative enough to still want to play rather than stare at a screen all day.

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