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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

My DS seems lonely at times, always wants us to play with him, how do you keep your only occupied?

15 replies

dontdillydally · 10/04/2011 14:59

He's 6 and is always wanting us to play with him - its constant. It makes me feel very, very guilty as he doesnt have anyone to play with at home.

I need to make sure he has a great network of friends as he also doesn thave any young family/cousins etc... around him

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Tee2072 · 10/04/2011 15:00

My son is only 22 months, but he plays by himself quite well. Do you encourage your son to do this? Do you invite friends over for him?

Original poster

dontdillydally · 10/04/2011 15:01

22 months is very young...mine is 6!

OP posts:

clayre · 10/04/2011 15:07

Children are odd, my ds almost 6 has my dd 8 to play with but would rather stick pins in his eyes than play with her, he loves playing on his own!

TheVisitor · 10/04/2011 15:09

My eldest was an only until the age of 6, and he learned to play alone. It's actually good for kids to be bored occasionally. You could say stuff to him like "you go and build a such and such out of Lego/K'nex whatever, and in half an hour, I will come and play with you for such and such a time". Then he knows that you're going to come and play with him, not immediately, but he will be rewarded for his patience.

munstersmum · 10/04/2011 15:19

We have a similar DS age 6. I just guarantee him 1 kid from school back for tea once a week. This usually brings a return invitation. He does a couple of sporting activities after school. It's easier with light nights as he will play/mooch in the garden much more readily than in the house.He has been known to refer to the dog as his brother

Original poster

dontdillydally · 10/04/2011 21:42

yes Im going to do the tea thing once a week we do one activity and may plan another - thanks for replies

OP posts:

yellowkiwi · 10/04/2011 22:10

My ds, also aged 6, is similar and and always has been. I feel guilty too as I can remember sometimes not having someone to play with as a child and feeling very bored.

I do find that now he can do more things independently he will play on his own for a bit. I often have to start him off though. I also think he often just looks for the easy options - either playing with me or watching TV. I sometimes find that if I can't play with him and leave him he will eventually find something to do.

I've also got him helping me with some chores (for points!) so that he is doing something with me but at the same time I'm getting on with my work. He has recently discovered that he can unpeg the washing from the line and he loves doing that with me.

MirandaGoshawk · 10/04/2011 22:14

Find some books that interest him & 'reward' him with playtime with you if he can amuse himself looking at the books for a bit while you're busy.

GoInky · 27/04/2011 23:39

Had the same problem when DS was 4?5?, never played on his own. I started by doing 10 minutes 'mummy is reading now, she will play with you in 10 minutes'. He is 6 now and quickly got much better at it, playing on his own now (without TV) for an hour or so.

Also when on holiday or in a playground I will suggest people he play with, rather than coming myself. He will say: there is no one. I say 'look that boy is on his own and I just know he is really keen to play with you'. It works sometimes. I noticed I have to sometimes be quite 'hard' for him to learn 'no mummy is NOT coming, there are plenty of children in the playground to play with' and stubbornly ignore him for 5-10 minutes. I believe thought is a vital skill to learn to make friends.

Also he told me he doesn't know how to make new friends (he's got plenty in school) so I looked how other children do that and gave a few suggestions, this has really worked and he was really proud to recently announce he had made a 'friend for 5 minutes'.

jen127 · 19/09/2011 18:53

What do you do on Christmas day with your onlys? We live in Ireland and have no family here. DS is now 9 and before dinner is finished he is twitching to be with people his own age! We play games etc but he struggles terribly on Xmas day!

MaudeLynn · 21/09/2011 22:59

Jen - does you DS always have other children around him. Every day?

jen127 · 22/09/2011 09:04

He does interact with Kids each day as we live in a small housing estate in Ireland and all the kids play outside each and every day. If thier not out as the weather is not good then they are in each others houses. I guess he is spoilt with this setup :-)

rookiemater · 23/09/2011 08:40

We are very lucky as we have a similar situation as jen because there are loads of local kids and DS hates being away from home as he misses his pals, although over the last 2 days he seems to have fallen out with them

He is 5 now and before he got to the stage of being allowed to play out I had a lot of play dates, found it a lot easier if DS had a friend to play with, plus built up a lot of credits so have a network if any issues collecting etc

It was a bit disappointing on holiday though, last year we went somewhere that had a really small kids club very informal and DS made a little pal so it was great because they would play together and DS wouldn't get bored. This year we were at a bigger place and he didn't really click with anyone so refused to go. We had a nice time together though.

berylmuspratt · 27/09/2011 11:18

Our ds is 6 and I've found as he gets older he seems better at entertaining himself, he loves reading and drawing.

He's starting swimming class and Beavers which seems to be making him a lot more confident.

It is hard sometimes when he says I have no one to play with, me and DH do spend a fair amount of time with him but tell him he sometimes has to entertain himself.

I find he's worse when he's been to Nana and Grandads - they dote on him, so when he comes home he wants lots of attention :)

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but DS seems to be a bit of a butterfly with other children at school he has lots of friends but none of them are particularly close friends, does this come when they are older ???

Any thoughts are most welcome.

MyBaby1day · 14/10/2011 08:54

munstersmum, ha ha ha, oh bless him!!, well i'm an only child and my PUPPET Clifford and teddy Arkie were my "Brothers"!! ha ha so don't you be ashamed he likes to call the dog his Brother!!.......it's a real test of your character is being an only child!!!-wouldn't have it any other way though.....would we Bro?....hang on-gotta go and find Clifford!!! x

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