Not setteled in nursery after six weeks...help!!!!

[amethyst123]

Hi, can anyone help me decide what to do i am due to go back to work on Monday but my dd who's one hates nursery she cries as soon as i drop her off and shes crying when i pick her up, they say she cries on and off while im gone, she has also started vomiting shes that upset, I have tried her on quiet days, busy days, mornings, afternoons, an hour here and there, longer, nothing will help her settle, everyone says she will eventually but its been six weeks now.
Do some babys just not take to nursery is it worth trying another nursery or a childminder? didnt like the idea of a childminder thought a nursery would be better and safer.
I feel like handing in my notice and taking her out but financially that wouldnt really work out,
any ideas as seeing her so upset is really upsetting me too

Hi, I can't help but am bumping for you. I'm very interested to see how you get on as my lo will be starting in a few weeks and I'm dreading it.

Really hope you get some good advice and that it works out

Why don't you like the idea of a childminder? A home from home setting might suit your DD better than a nursery, with just one person to look after her. Why not ring around and see if you can find someone you like, or have you run out of time?
Otherwise can you stay at nursery with her for a while to get her used to the place while you are with her, that might help.

I have two friends who have had bad experiences with childminders so that put me off, I have run out of time really as i return to work on Monday i really thought six weeks was more then enough time to settle her in, the nursery does not like parents staying after two sessions so i have been leaving her in the hope she would get used to it but i will see if they will let me stay tomorrow, i really dont know what to do for the best when i went to collect her today she was sobbing her little heart out and her eyes were really red like she'd been crying for hours (nursery said it was on and off)
Hi MrsMichaelSchofield good luck with your little un, some take to nursery like a duck to water and i guess others dont,

amethyst - ime thats not really normal for settling and you need to try and find a childminder you will be happy with - where I am there are loads on the councils website with spaces - there may well be one that really fits in with you and your dd.

Sorry its so tough

I am just bumping for you too. I go back to work in July and this is my worst nightmare.

You've given her a long time to settle in and it does sound like it might be time to admit defeat with this particular situation. Hopefully you can find a cm or maybe nanny share that she might respond to better? You could have a look on mnet local or netmums for recomendations? She might even be happier at a different nursery?

I really feel for you and your dd x

I am really surprised that your little one has not settled. When my DD started nursery her keyworker said that in her 22yrs experience, no child had ever NOT settled eventually - and 6 weeks seems a long time.

My DD is now 18m and has been at nursery for 9months. She often cries when i leave her but they say she is fine shortly after. Recently she has only gone for 2 days a week and has been more unsettled when i've left than before when she was there 3 days. Maybe, the gap in between sessions is just too long and your little one is not getting into the habit of going there and spending time with the nursery staff?

You sound very unhappy (understandably) about the whole situation so I think the nursery should be a bit more flexible and allow you to stay a little longer if you think it might help. Also, does your child have a keyworker that you can call during the day to check if everythings ok?

I would stick at the nursery rather than switching to CM for a little longer. Poor you. It is awful isn't it? Hope things improve for you soon x

I would stick with it a bit longer and see how it goes as moving her now could make matters worse. talk through your concerns with her key person and see if she has any ideas. The nursery are being honest with you which is a good thing so give it a bit longer. How many days a week will she be doing?

Thanks guys for all your suggestions, had another chat with the nursery today and told them how upset i was still that dd was not setteling and they said to give it two more weeks before moving her as she has not managed to do any full days yet and the longer time over the next two weeks might help her get used to it a bit more, i asked if i could stay with her for a while and they said no 'it's best not to at this stage' which made me really angrey so i insisted i was going too and i think it really helped as when i left she was sat playing happily which made me feel better about leaving her, she still cried on and off after i left but leaving her happy really helped me feel better,
I am still dreading next Monday as she will be doing eight hours four days a week ideally i would have liked to do less hours/days to start off with but was not allowed to (horrible boss)
Anyway i will keep you mums due to go through the same thing soon posted on progress.

I would seek alternative child care. your daughter is clearly deeply distressed and unhappy. to subject her to this day after day is cruel.

she is still a baby and clearly hasn't taken to the nursery environment. a small, more homely setting might be more suited to her.

Ignore your friend's bad experiences with CM's - you are having a bad experience with nursery. it's horses for courses.

Aw bless you. My baby started my nursery and although shes only young and too young for the attachment theory (around 9 months) I wonder if the government thought of that when they paid maternity leave until they were 9 months the WORST possible time for a baby to be left. She settled straight away.
my suggestion to you is
take her every day for 2 hours. if she still hasnt settled in a week, yes a week then i would consider finding somewhere else. That setting may not be right for your little one.
If she goes somewhere else the change might just be what she needs and she may settle sooner.

good luck I kn ow how you feel.

also how big is this baby room? is it noisy and busy? i prefer small baby rooms myself but ofsted have opened the gates for large rooms as there is now no limit on how many babies you can have in a room (used to be 12) as long as they have 3.5 sqmtrs each.
a small caring baby room will probably suit her better as it prob would all babies.

amethyst, all my sympathy to you - it is SO hard isn't it, and to be working longer than you want, with your baby distressed, is just too hard.

Ideas would be give it a time limit (eg two more weeks or whatever you're happy with) and then try a childminder. You can't lose by trying. And with kids IMHO it's no good flogging a dead horse. Sometimes a move IS a good thing.

See if your dh/partner can drop her at nursery. I have found, and have read on here LOADS, that babies often find it less distressing if dad is leaving them. This also shares the parenting jobs out between you and takes the load off you; going back after mat leave is HARD and you need to look after yourself too. Leaving a distressed baby then working for the day is one of the most stressful things life holds IMO

look for another, part time job, with a better boss - this is something I had to do!

Very best of luck
x

amethyst - I was wondering how you were getting on? Hope you got something sorted out

I agree with Nancy66

poor you. my baby couldn't settle in nursery, i cvouldn't stand it, so me and my dh decided to sell our house and move to rented, i delayed returning to work and now my husband is working part time and sharing the child care. It means that we are totally skint, but it was the only decision i was happy with, so I understand how hard it must be for you.

i think a child minder seems like a better option, or could you work half days, is there a relative. sometimes it takes a whole rethink.

the nusery sounds like a bad option. you have to find something you are happy with. I really feel for you.

I was going to say the same as nurseryvoice. If the room is big and echoey and different to home this maybe is what is unsettling her. I'm sorry you wouldn't consider a childminder. Often a childminder can use the same techniques as you may use at home e.g. a walk to the park or a drive or a quiet bedroom.

Hope you get it sorted.

Hi, Well dd's first full day was a nightmare she started screaming as soon as we walked in so i tried to settle her with some toys but she was crying hysterically the nursery manager tried walking around with her and playing with her but nothing would calm her down i got so upset and started crying myself (guess it all got to much) i ended up leaving her like that and cried all the way to work and for most of the day (well week) i phoned up a few times and they said she was crying on and off, this went on for the rest of the week (v.distressing)the second week they said she only cried for ten mins after i left then she was fine for the rest of the day, and today i dropped her off and she did not cry at all so things are getting better, its still early days but i think with her doing the full days she has got used to it a bit more and i must admit most days when i pick her up after work she does look happy.

Glad it's working out