ds doesn't like nursery

[saadia]

Ds1 started nursery a few weeks ago, just before the three week Easter break. He goes two mornings a week (Tues and Fri). He started off with me staying with him the whole time for his first session, dh stayed for the second session, then I left him for the whole time. He cried when I left, I waited outside, the nursery lady came out and said he was playing. Called up an hour later and they said he was fine.

Left him agan one time after that and again, after crying for a few mins he was fine.

Yesterday he went back after three weeks. He didn't want to go so again, cried for a bit but then was fine. And when I went to get him he was very tearful and sad. he kept saying that he had wanted to come home and play with me and that he didn't want me to leave him again. He was very down and remote so I didn't question him too much, although he did tell me about what he did there.

He has to go again on Friday, should I gently keep talking about it and bringing up the subject, or should I ignore it until Friday morning and just tell him he's going? Not sure what the best approach is.

how old?

Yes, I should have said, he's three

my ds2 is 3.5 and in nursery 3 days a week - EVERY DAY without fail he says he wants to go home and not go to nursery. He's been going there since he was 6 month old.

The nursery is fine BTW, ds1 went there for 4 years before he started school

I would just treat it like a normal part of life
if he sees you are anxious it will make him more so
I wouldn't keeping talking about it on days off unless he brings it up

I think it's a phase lots of kids go through when they realise that nursery is 'permanent' unlike an occasional time being left with someone else.

IME most of them get over it quite quickly - it's usually just a 'seperation anxiety' type thing.

I think it is quite normal after a break. dd was similar at 2 1/2 when she went back to playgroup after Christmas last year.

Personally I believe in preparing them so I 'd mention it but in a low key manner but perhaps not until tomorrow as I don't think at this age they understand stuff which is so far in advance very easily. ie. today we are doing x and y and tomorrow you'll go to nursery and then we'll do z. If it comes up then just emphasise your schedule and move on to something else, ratehr than focussing on nursery itself.

saadia do you mean a daycare nursery (which is what i think iota means) or a nursery school?
If the latter, of course he needs to get the idea as he will be starting school soon, and nursery schools are a much gentler intro to that world, high staff ratios, all play etc.
FWIW my dd says her nursery school is her fave thing every day, yet we did have a stage when she would say she didn?t want to go (IIRC she once said she wanted to chop it up and put it in a dustbin!) she was always fine once I dropped her tho.
If he has never been away from you before, it is a lot to adjust to. Perhaps a bit of chat about it being a really exciting place where he can do x y z theday before might help. See how he reacts.
sorry not much help really.

oh lizs you posted faster than me!

It's actually a playgroup.

Yes, that's right he's never really been away from me clary. He's also a very sensitive child and will get upset if anyone even tries to help him do up his coat buttons.

Gwenick, I think you are right that the idea of it being permanent is a bit of a shock.

The weird thing is that he started off liking it, coming home and saying "I love my nursery" and was really happy.

I guess I'll just mention it tomorrow, in a really positive way.

The other thing is that there is a high proportion of SN children, many with delayed speech, so I'm not sure of he is, or should be, interacting more with other children at this age.

saadia, i actually think it?s not that weird that he liked it at first and now is not so keen. At first it was new, now I think he has realised that yes, it is a permanent thing.
The SN children sounds like a really positive aspect to me.

Spooky thing, ds1 has just said out of the blue:

"I will go to nursery on Friday, I will play with the aeroplane" - I think he does actually like it there, but doesn't like being separated from me.

Yes, clary, in many ways the SN aspect is good - high staff/kids ration, really nice and highly qualified staff, and the playgroup was actually started with the intention of integrating SN kids into mainstream, which I thought was wonderful. Also pleased to let ds1 mix with a wide range.

RATIO!!!

lol kids ration is better perhaps (?you?ve had your ration for today....?)
I also like a wide rnage of abilities, good for my ds to see others (with there was greated ethnic variety at his school actually) and also good for yr child to feel confident, help others etc