Especially clingy when he comes home, he seems unhappy. Is it the sign that it is not a good nursery?

[Vale]

My child is especially clingy when he comes home, he seems unhappy. Do you reckon this is the sign that it is not a good nursery?

The nursery was recommended to me by many locals, (Italy). I think their mistake is the routine, that doesn't suit a two year old, because he likes the carers, he learnt songs and his speech is really advanced for his age.

This the routine:
? After an hour of activity 9:30 to 10:30
? at 10:45 they feed them and
? at 12:00 after cleaning them, changing theirs nappies etc they put them to bed .
? at 14:00 they wake them up, children have free play and
? at 15:00 parents arrive to pick them up.

I think that my son doesn?t like to be forced to go to bed, he needs to play more.

I just don't know, Vale; maybe the routine, maybe something else? Have you talked to the nursery staff about how your son is while there? Have you gone in and observed?

Sorry I have no answers, but I do think if your son seems unhappy you are right to take that seriously.

They spend an hour and a quarter feeding them? That seems an awfully long time....

Why are you sending him to nursery right now? If you don't need to and aren't happy that he's settling in why not leave it a bit?

Vale, I assume your son can speak Italian? Does he usually nap at about that time at home or does he have a different routine when at home? Being clingy may mean that he is unhappy being away from you, being in a group environment etc but not necessarily that the nursery is not good. He may just not be quite ready to settle there. Are you able to observe him during the day? What do his carers say about him when you are not there? Sorry, lots of questions!

Dilbertina, I also wondered if Vale's ds HAD to go to nursery right now and assumed not as it is a very short day which doesn't seem to cater for working parents. Agree that sometimes they are just not ready at one age but 6 months/a year later may be absolutely fine.

Thank you for the questions.

Yes, he speaks Italian and English, I am Italian and his dad is English. So the language is not a problem.

Sorry I haven't explained it very well, I was referring to the last year, so I am thinking not to take him back to nursery this year. The staff told me, he settles as soon as I leave.

I am not able to observe him during the day. At the beginning of the year I was allowed to stay for the first week and of course he wasn't particularly happy.

He took a couple of months to get used and accept the fact he had to stay to nursery without me and he got really close to his teacher.

Towards the end of the school year the teacher took a lots of time off, at first once a week, then a week every other week and she took all July off.

My son has started to tell me he didn't want to go to nursery since June (when his carer was off every other week). I thought he would get used to the other carers that seemed very sweet to me, but he didn't. Now he doesn't want to go back to nursery.

I don't think the nursery is bad, but it seems to me that they are looking forward to feed them and put them to bed so they can relax, no matter what are the individual child needs. Even if a child doesn't need to sleep they force him to go to sleep anyway.

My son was clingy and unhappy when he came back home during the all school year, he got worse when his carer had a lot of time off.

I work from home.

Last year was impossible to work and look after him at the same time.

Now he is two and half and plays on his own, watches tv.

During summer break we managed quite well. So that's why I am considering to keep him at home.

Sounds a bit like a nursery which my ds1 used to attend when we lived in Amsterdam, it was very regimented and after lunch (which was also served very early) they changed all the children into pyjamas (!) at about noon and put them down for a nap until 3 p.m.! DS1, who was 2 1/2, had stopped napping already at that stage (but that's another whole story) so he was really unhappy with that. Eventually, they let him stay up and he would just roll around on the sofas while they cleaned up around him. I did get the impression that although they didn't mind him staying up, that was their time to do paperwork etc and they certainly weren't going to entertain him during that time.

We also had exactly the same issue with frequent staff turnover and when a second nursery manager (his favourite carer) left within a 6 month period, enough was enough and I pulled him out.

I left it a couple of months and then put him into a morning-only nursery, where he lunch and came home at 1, and he was like a changed child. I still feel guilty that I persevered with the first nursery for too long. Is it an option for you to send him somewhere for less time so that maybe he doesn't have to nap there?

The nap time may be your issue. DD is almost 2 and hardly naps anymore as she sleeps a solid 12 hours at night. Nursery allow 12 - 2 for naps and most days they tell me she "rested" but in the last week or so she hates us dropping her off. We have both been late to work this week as it is so awful leaving her like that. She does settle straight away when we have gone from the room, they helped me check by one of the staff looking through the window whilst I hid around the corner (I could hear her crying). The staff member was great and described what I could not see - which was her realising I was gone. DD just started playing and running around

They have commented about her not napping though, they suggested I woke her earlier

Yes, there is not a proper nursery but there are plenty of "Baby Parking", it doesn't mean what it seems.

They practically offer the same service of a nursery but they are very flexible with time, you can take your child for an hour a week or full time.

So I could try the baby parking and see how he gets on.

I feel guilty too! Your experience is very similar to mine and helped me a lot.

Thank you.