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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Nursery Dilemma- Not happy

17 replies

Gravitygirl · 07/08/2008 08:49

My daughter has been attending a montessori nursery for about 4 months now. She has a disability and the nursery seemed to be 'onboard' with this before she started and got her care team in to give advice etc.

Now becuase she is on a lot of medication she has something called lactulose to help her poo be softer. She has had 2 poo accidents at nursery ( she is not even 2 1/2 yet) and they are up in arms that she did this. My daughter came home distraught that she was not a good girl anmore and naughty. I NEVER say those things to her and tbh an accident is an accident give the girl a break!! The deputy manager I spoke to was , imo rude about it she didnt once seem sorry the dd was upset, didnt seem she needed to make amends, said nothing had happened to make her upset etc

I dont want her to go back, dd does not seem to want to go back ( i have left her once since and she cried). We have an opportunity to hand in notice with no payment as its the holidays and I think I should just pull her out.

I know you cant answer really, but wouuld you do the same thing?

OP posts:

willweeversell · 07/08/2008 11:31

This seems unbeliveable!! She is 2.5 yrs and on bowel meds and they telling her she is a naughtey girl because she had an accident!!

I would complain in the strongest possible terms, tbh,and i would inform them that I would be reporting the matter to ofsted. Oftsed will have to make the fact that a complaint has gone in known on the website and the next report.

I cannot really see any 'reason' why supposedly trained professionals would think this is reasonable behaviour of a small child. I would have been LIVID!

nailpolish · 07/08/2008 11:34

i would be ver y unhappy too
my dd2 was 2.5 when she started nursery and had poo problems. she did a poo in her pants nearly every 2nd day. i gave the nursery a packet of cheapo asda pants and told them to throw away any dirty pants. they were so brilliant about it and really helped dd2

there are so many lovely nurseries i would try to find another if i were you

your poor dd

ThePettyandIllinformedGoat · 07/08/2008 11:35

this is horrendous, definitely pull her out.

hardly the Montessori way is it? they should have congratulated her an dthen make jewelry out of it.

nailpolish · 07/08/2008 11:36

goat

gravitygirl do you know any other parents of disabled children? could you find any recommendations for any?

good luck

nailpolish · 07/08/2008 11:36

recommendations for nurseries, not parents

lilymolly · 07/08/2008 11:36

my dd also had poo problems and has no sn nor is on any medication and I would have been livid too.
I would also complain to ofsted and remove dd immeadiatly

nancy75 · 07/08/2008 11:38

i think i would look for another nursery, kids of 21/2 have accidents even when they are not on medication, so to upset a child over something so minor is horrible, like nailpolish said there are lots of lovely nurseries - look for another one.

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2008 11:38

I too would be vrey upset. My DD has weed on the carpet at nursery on purpose (she went through a tage of doing it for a laugh ). At no point did the nursey staff get cross with with her or tell her she was naughty (TBH I probably would have at home)

You have to go with your gut instinct on this. I doubt this is the last accident she will have before she leaves nursery.

Neeerly3 · 07/08/2008 11:41

children without disabilities and not on lots of meds still have poo accidents at 2.5....they have acted very unprofessionally and i would complain in very strong terms to both them and ofsted. Pull her out and find another nursery.

My DT's were potty trained by my nursery with them using their own pants for accidents and even now they are 3.5 and dt1 still has 'steering' issues when weeing and goes through spare clothes like i'm born to do his washing, but they don't bat an eyelid.....(and do the washing sometimes if it's convenient) as someone else said there are some lovely lovely nurseries out there and for the money you are undoubtedly paying you should expect and be getting unparalled care.

witchandchips · 07/08/2008 11:41

this is horrible, but i'd speak to the manager first to complain. It could be that it was just one worker who behaves like this

dilemma456 · 07/08/2008 16:06

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Gravitygirl · 07/08/2008 21:21

Thankyou for your replies, its good to know I am not overreacting about this.

I have spoken to the manager who directed me to the deputy manager, she has no time to speak to me!!!!! I am so pissed off about the whole thing and am wondering about contacting ofsted.

The deputy manager, was condescending and rude, she kept saying 'oh its normal yada yada' then condtradicting herself in the next breath, she was angry it happened she said as much so how did that reflect on my dd.

I actually feel like they have dramatised the whole situation and see my daughter as a hindrance and tbh I am not putting her in that situation, we will have enough of that in her lifetime.

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 07/08/2008 21:27

i think the fact the Manager won't speak to you is utterly unacceptable

i would try again, and then go to OFSTED if she won't speak to you

DS pooed (accidentally) in his shoes at nursery - they were so sweet - washed him, his shoes and rang me to tell me to bring a spare pair of sandals to bring him home in

as others have said there are plenty of good nurseries

your poor DD and you ...

onepieceoflollipop · 07/08/2008 21:30

This has upset me tbh, particularly a staff member who clearly has issues herself and admits that she feels angry than a young child had an accident. I am and horrified by her attitude.

You are so not overreacting imo.

nancy75 · 07/08/2008 21:35

the manager wouldnt talk to you? what a bloody cheek. you pay to send your child there, you are a customer. tbh i think this really says it all about their attitude, if the manager is so rude that she wont speak to a concerned/upset parent what hope have you got with the other staff. take your daughter out

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2008 21:42

DS1 had a poo accident when he was in reception. The school phoned me to come and sort him out. Quite understandably, as it ws school at not a nursery, where accidents will inevitably happen. The teacher and TA were very smiley about it (especially as it made him walk like he's just got off a horse!) - and he still laughs about it now!

Are you now looking for another nursery?

pudding25 · 08/08/2008 14:01

That is disgraceful behaviour. You must complain. I had a little girl a few yrs ago in my yr 1 class who pooed herself every wk (v anxious child). Obviously, I spoke to the parents to resolve the matter but we would never have dreamt of making the little gitrl feel bad and she was 5. I would definitely take her out, poor wee thing. Complain to Ofsted. I can't stand adults who make children feel bad about things, especially when they are so little like your dr and on medication (Great stuff, lactulose - saved me after giving birth!)

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