15month not settling

[Kel33]

Hello!
Bit of a long one. My 15 months old son started nursery 2 months ago and is just not settling. He was a month premature so he is 14months corrected.
He does 3 days a week - 2x 8.5hrs and 1 x7.5hrs which are days I have to work.
From the get go he has been very upset at drop off and throughout the day. Nursery say he has 'glimpses' of being settled and likes being in the pushchair outside but otherwise he's upset. He eats and sleeps ok apparently.
He wants to be held at home and has been since 4 months old, I try different ways to put him down but he is so clingy. Nursery are also seeing this - he just wants held. When doing activities he's normally sat on there knee. But they have said recently even holding him isn't settling him.
Today they said they are struggling to do his observations etc because he just isn't able to be calm/put down to do them.
They also said it's difficult for them to see him upset and for the other children too.
I'm quite upset as I don't really know where to go. He has always struggled socially and it's only the last couple of weeks he has let his grandparents pick him up without screaming etc. he is a happy little boy at home and with me/dad/his brother. Just don't know how to solve this nursery issue

No real advice but I had the same thing with my daughter and it just took time. They told me they couldn't put her down and it was hard for them as they were so busy. She just cried and cried. It was so stressful 😫

Eventually she got there. I did shorter days until the day they told me she settled enough and then she started full days. That took several months.

I had tried to prepare her for nursery with a local childminder but with no luck. She screamed with her too.

Anyway she's 4 now and rules the world but I will always remember how hard it was and how guilty I felt that I was letting her down!!

If he's always held at home it must be a shock or him to have to be put down at nursery.
I would try getting him used to being put down at home where he feels safe, then he might feel more comfortable not being held all the time at nursery too.

What are "his observations"?? I'd be very concerned that a nursery is focused on that as an issue. It's normal for a child to want physical contact. Whatever observations are they really don't matter enough to be forcing a child to be put down.

Any chance you can stay at home with him for a while? I dont think there’s anything wrong with him, he’s a baby and wants to be with his mum which is completely natural. Nurseries are generally not great for babies under 3. Some cope better, some worse, but sounds like your baby is in the latter category.

A child at nursery has to be put down because each adult needs to give equal care and attention to at least 2 other children.
They also need to change nappies, clean, prepare snacks, do paperwork, provide educational activities - someone can't just sit and hold a baby all day.

Is there any way you can afford a nanny? It sounds like he'd be much happier with one on one care in his own home. You could look at a nanny-share to keep costs down (sharing a nanny with one other child is still likely a better fit for him than a nursery environment). Or perhaps a childminder who keeps numbers low, but this is very hard to find.

What are your options? Only you know what's doable. If you are able, i would reduce hours or take him out altogether until he's ready. If can't, perhaps he'll be happier with grandparents or child minder?

Nursery staff cannot tend to an upset child all the time.

Thank you sharing your experience x

This is what our plan is for the moment, try to have him held less at home, we have definitely decreased this recently but clearer not enough unfortunately x

We are discussing this at the moment as to whether he's just not ready for the busy nursery setting and long days. I wouldn't pull him out all together if I left my job but would very much lower what he does and build up much more gradually. My older son who's now 6 has no real issues with nursery and followed the same path as my toddler but both children are so different, my youngest maybe just needs longer at home etc x

Unfortunately this isn't an option for us, and there are no other nursery options as we live rural x

I am thinking I may need to leave work for a while to lower his hours and build him up more gradually. As much as I hate the thought of him being upset I also don't like the thought of him upsetting the atmosphere for others x