I have a 2 y/o and a 3 y/o son. Since them both being around 6 months old they have been to 4 childcare providers, 2 of the childminders gave notice to us and now the nursery they have started at is saying they may have to look at reduced hours

[Mumofirishtwins88]

from what childminders have said in the past it is my oldest son who is the problem (throwing cars and defiance amongst other behaviours). Obviously we try parenting strategies at home and my partner spends the most time with them due to me constantly working on a high pressure nursing job which I can't afford to step back from financially.

I was really hoping nursery would be a better setting for my 3 yo but a month or so in its already failing, I am absolutely at a loss and worried for the future..I am really just venting but any advice is welcome from people with past experience or knowledge...

What do you use at home around behaviour/consequences?

Which parenting strategies have you tried?

Are nursery reducing the hours because of the behaviour? If so, it means the behaviour will be out of normal expectations and you might need to have a chat with them to see if they think anything might be fuelling this.

Are you and your partner having the same behaviour problems with them at home or is it only when they're with a childminder?

Could you try a nanny?

Have they suggested any sort of SEND?

Are they private or attached to a school?

What have you already tried?

Your partner is with them most - what are his behaviour strategies and are they consistent?

This sounds extreme if two childminders and a nursery can't cope (or he can't cope there).

What specifically are the behaviours?

Do you have any issues with him at home?

Their behaviour must be incredibly excessive and much more extreme than you've outlined given that so many settings have asked them to leave.

What strategies do you use at home and have you had input regarding any potential additional needs, hearing issues, eye tests etc?

Also if you think your eldest is possibly influencing his siblings behaviour would you consider separate settings for them?

In my experience, nurseries only reduce hours when a child is not coping in a setting and it usually involves possible SEND. If it was just bad behaviour a childcare setting would just give notice completely rather than try to make the situation work with reduced hours.

Have the nursery talked to you about possible SEND? Or any feedback on your child's behaviour and development?

We have been using time out consistently and removing rewards and we give lots of praise and as rewards for good behaviour. I do hug when he's distressed from time out and I don't shut him out I keep him in eye line but just ask him to go to the hallway and usually he will without being moved because he knows we will put him there. He cries "I'm a good boy now' after being asked to stay there a few minutes then resumes the bad behaviour later.