Awful Mornings Before Nursery

[JollyHostess101]

Back again for wisdom and advice!

Our little girl had a hard start to nursery and took about 7 weeks for her to settle….. she moved from one room to another last year and had a hard time transitioning but in a few weeks the littler room was forgotten and all ok!

Now she’s moved to preschool and again it’s hard- from the moment she wakes up on nurse days it’s tears and screaming and not wanting to go- the whole drive she is distraught! But nursery say as soon as the door is shut she’s absolutely fine! Pick up she’s fine and says what a great day she’s had!

But the constant distress on nursery mornings and always asking for it not to be Thursday (she only goes Thurs and Fridays) is wearing me down it’s like I’ve lived 100 hrs before I get to work and there’s no sign of any let up!

Anyone got any advice or been through the same? We can’t increase hrs or days as we can’t afford it atm while husband finishes off a qualification so we don’t get the 30hrs!

No words of advice but I have a similar 2.5 year old and it's really distressing. Here for the answers and to say you're not alone xx

My boy started reception this September and we still have separation issues. Its so tough

Solidarity OP, it's so hard when they get so upset at nursery dropoff. My youngest did it on and off throughout nursery. He'd settle after a couple of weeks but then every time he had any time off e.g. when he got ill or we went on holiday it would come back for a bit.

It's difficult to know what to suggest as the obvious response is to send her more days a week, but you've already said that isn't an option. Is there any possibility of spreading the two days out so they aren't consecutive and so she doesn't have quite such a long stretch of days with no nursery. E.g. do Monday and Thursday or something similar?

Does your DH do any nursery dropoffs? Can you take it in turns, to give each other a break?

Thanks for all the solidarity guys!!

We share the drop offs and more recently down them together!

Nursery don’t seem concerned as she’s fine as soon as they close the door it just wears me out!! It took if we remember about 6 weeks for her to settle when she moved rooms next time but there’s no signs of it abating yet 😢

Already worry about what next year and school will bring!!

Our eldest DD got a quite upset about nursery dropoffs when she was in the preschool room & she only went 2 days a week too (asking it not to be nursery day etc). All we could do was talk about nursery with relentless enthusiasm on the morning, we'd also try to talk about it positively during the week especially when she was at an age that she wanted to know what she was doing every day in the week. We lived close enough that we'd occasionally pass it by car on other days & we'd point it out positively & ask questions like "what exciting thing do you think they're doing in nursery today". But it was so hard in the mornings & definitely felt like a 100hours passed between waking & dropoff sometimes!

Oh an we can’t swap days as I only work and weds/thurs/fri and husband quite enjoys his day with her on a Wednesday and need them for my work hours!!

No real advice I’m afraid but been there too. My eldest used to scream and cry at the door to the childminder but would be absolutely fine once the door closed. Sometimes I’d get a picture of her smiling away before I’d even made it to my car, parked just three doors down.

It was awful and some days I’d cry on my way to work because I felt so bad. Getting it over with as quickly as possible instead of hanging around to try and make her feel better was the best I could do. They obviously do grow out of it and she’s very independent now so doesn’t seem to have been a lasting issue.

She is definitely fine when you leave they are not allowed to lie to you. They would tell you. The problem is the huge gap between sessions. If you can't afford more hours there is not a lot you can do but ignore it. Don't feed into the tears and tantrums. She is feeding off your reaction. Dont react. She sees your distress and associates it with nursery. Another tip can be give her something with your smell on it for comfort

I work at my nephews nursery and take him and bring him home 4 days a week (he goes to a school nursery the other day and his mum does drop off and pick up there)

He's always LOVED nursery, been there since he was a baby, does 7.30-6 every day and still doesn't want to go home.

Since he's started at his other preschool on a Monday (which is SIGNIFICANTLY quieter than my nursery) he cries and screams every morning when I knock on the door to pick him up, blocks the door and screams "I don't want you" (because he doesn't want to go to nursery) and cries and has to be taken off me.

It's horrible and I KNOW he's fine within minutes, but it still upsets me. He also is never in any rush to leave at 6pm. I've seen it hundreds of times with other children and 99% of the time they're fine, it's just a phase for most children. But it still hurts!

Try to find out what they like doing at nursery from the staff and focus on that when you're driving there in the morning. As much as it can be a nightmare for us as staff to look after, maybe a little comforter from home would help too? To keep them company for the day :)

Thank you for this! We have such a lot going on at the moment i don’t think i can see the wood for the trees! Glad they do grow out of it because int he thick of it it seems like a massive thing i cant solve!!

Thank you thank you for this makes me feel like I’m not the only one!!

We are doing all this and hoping we’ll turn a corner at some point!

Maybe listen to her? Why do people think they need to force their kids into a situation they don’t like? What about a local childminder instead?

Thank you!!

She does always take something from home with her like a toy or something but nursery day it’s left in her bag pretty much from the start as she discards it….. I absolutely love the nursery and thought all this settling stuff was behind us!

I had one like this. The tears and the clinging were awful but again absolutely fine once through the door and then didn’t want to come home. It felt like it was almost as much a part of the ‘routine’ as putting shoes on. What broke it for us was my sister doing the drop off for a couple of weeks. She picked him up early and they went to feed the ducks en route. Josh the change in routine seemed to break the cycle and after that he was fine. We were also very matter of fact about it ’this is what we’re doing today - I’m going to work, you’re going to nursery and tonight we’ll have fishfingers for tea’
You have my sympathy though.

Ask for photos of her after 15 minutes or so. Hopefully that will at least reassure you that she is okay once there.
I used to do that for parents all the time.

Get her to do a picture for her favourite nursery worker. Maybe even decorate a cupcake. Build the excitement as she takes in her present.
Hopefully the staff will not have to be primed to be absolutely thrilled. Get them to ask her where they should put up her picture. Etc.

If they are not delighted with the picture/cupcake/card/bunch of daisies, change nurseries.

Firstly, I’m so sorry for you – this sounds very distressing but, as others have said, and you have said yourself, they have a great time once they’re in nursery. Hopefully that can provide you with some comfort even during the terrible mornings.

I teach reception, so I’m not sure if these would work for such a young child – but we’ve had very good feedback from parents about using the book called the invisible string. It talks about how there’s a permanent link between you even when you’re not together. Parents then draw a heart on their wrist and on their child’s wrist, or you can make paper hearts together or paint hearts etc. We also get parents and child to come up with a list of things that child loves about school and then they decorate it together, they then use this in the morning before coming in to reinforce the positives. As I say, these might be too mature for your child and if so sorry.

Good luck OP!

I go for the brick wall (or grey rock?) method. No reaction, no sympathy, no persuasion, no talking enthusiastically about it. Just doing it without comment. Engagement on the subject just prolongs this attention seeking behaviour. Once you've satisfied yourself there's no actual problem stick with the complete 100% non Engagement tactic

This is us every morning with our three year old. I just have to get on with it.

Annoyingly we did a stay and play recently and she kicked off when he had to leave the nursery. So you can’t win!

I did think I’d try and run her in in the runny buggy when I’m off next week see if that helps change things up as she normally loves running with me but don’t really want to be running a screaming child about the place or put her off the running buggy!!

But try and think of something else to break the routine!

We’re going to try this tonight and tomorrow!!

Thank you to everyone who’s offered advice or solidarity!!