How can I help my future bilingual three-year-old settle into nursery?

[Neclas]

Hi. I have a 3 year old who started nursery 2 weeks ago. its a Montessori nursery with total 20 kids at 3 or 4 age. First week I went outside for half an hour when he was playing with his teacher and he was ok with this. When I came back he usually wanted to stay more to play in the garden. On Day 6, teacher advised me to drop him at 9.30 and say a brief goodbye and then come back for collecting him at 12pm. I told him I will come back he said ok and waved his hand. After 45 min nursery staff called me and said it's better for me to come since he was very upset and they could not settle him. I could come back after 25 min. He was trying to solve a puzzle with his teacher but still crying. He was very stressed and thought I won't come back. He settled once he saw me at the door and smiled again. Anyway.. since then he doesn't want to go to the nursery and asks everyday whether we need to go to the nursery. I sit 90 mins on a chair in the nursery and he plays with a teacher and comes back to me each 5 mins for a hug. I don't work at the moment but we need him to learn speaking English. Also he is not very social with other kids. He plays always alone or just with the teacher there. I don't want to make him an unhappy child. The nursery pushes me to go outside and try a seperation again but I'm hesitant since he is continuously telling me to not leave him there alone again.. if you have any suggestions I would be very grateful to learn them. Thank you in advance.

Firstly, you are not wrong to only use your language with him, that is the advice experts in multilingualism give and its especially important if your mother tongue is very much a minority language, which it sounds like.

Finding a way to help him communicate while he learns English is important, could be makaton or picture cards (they use picture cards at DS's school, for the children that arrive unable to speak the local language) and exposing him to English elsewhere so join something like toddler football.

He will learn English and he will settle eventually, don't worry. My DS started nursery barely speaking the local language but very quickly started talking it. His nursery also used an app to help him develop his language skills.

I’m not sure this is strictly true. My 3yo and her friends certainly chat and play together and delight in making up their own little games or silly words.

Op your English is excellent unless you are translating everything here. Can you not introduce some English at home as well as your first language?

Are there other nurseries? I think you’re now set a precedent at this one that will be hard to change. They don’t sound like they have experience with children who don’t speak English and that’s just going to compound everything.

I really think you’d both benefit from a reset if possible. Find another setting with cars (a nursery without cars to play with??) and make the dropoff less traumatic and intense. Watch some (English) television about school so he starts to learn how it works and can pick up some of the language. Maybe take a month out and go to playgroups or similar? What activities or exposure to English has he had already?

What response are you giving when he asks where you are going? I’d think carefully about that and then retry stepping out and slowly working up.

Try responses which he will be familiar with, but that he’ll be uninterested in “to the toilet”, “to buy a cucumber”, “to hoover the living room” etc

I am not sure about the availability of other nurseries since the better ones mostly do not have space. I am thinking about giving a break if nothing changes in the following weeks. Last year, we used to go to a few playgroups every week also gym and music classes. But he didn't communicate with other kids there, he prefers playing alone or just with me. So I'm not sure about the efficiency of his exposure to English. I will try toddler playgroups again but obviously crowded areas do not help very much.

Are there any bilingual groups in your area? If so, the people there may have some advice about how to help your son.

Thank you. Yes I say similar things.. I tried toilet today for example. it ended with the two of us looking each other in the toilet after his teacher had tried to hold him in front of the toilet door🙄