Felt awful leaving DD at nursery this morning. She was so sad 😢

[YetiAnotherNC]

I’m sitting here feeling like crap because of how bad DD’s drop off was this morning. She was so upset and pleading with me with her eyes, but I said bye and walked away. 💔

She started nursery at around 18mo, and we would have tears at drop off but they always told me that she soon settled and went on to have a good day. It took about 6-8 weeks for her to properly settle and get to know her key adult, and then we didn’t have tears at drop off, I thought we’d cracked it!

Unfortunately just at that time, nursery was refurbished and I think it must have overran or something. Essentially, for two months she was dropped off in different rooms each week, with different staff each time (as her key adult was moved to the young baby room). And we were back to tears pretty much each day. Every time I thought about raising it as an issue, the staff would reassure me it would ‘all be finished by next week,’ but of course it kept stretching out.

She is now back in a consistent room, but because she’s coming up to 2, there is yet more change as she’s having taster days in the 2+ room.

So long story short, she’s had a lot of change and upheaval and I think once she’s properly in the 2+ room I am HOPING she’ll become settled again.

But in the meantime she was desperately upset when I left her this morning, and the guilt is massive 😞

I have worked in childcare settings and the vast majority of babies and children settle very quickly after separating from their parent, no matter how upset they have been. It is so much worse for you as you will have to spend all day worrying about her while she will have been distracted from her tears and most likely have a good day. Unless the nursery staff flag up any concerns about her settling (and they will if it is prolonged) try not to worry too much as I'm sure she will soon settle again. Unfortunately, parents feel worried and guilty pretty much from the moment our children are born...mine are in their 20s and 30s now and it still continues! 💐

Agree with the above pp. I had a boy in the preschool room that had cried every drop off since starting as a baby... he'd be happy with his head in a box of lego by the time mum was out of the carpark though! (And only ever cried during the day if he fell over)

The switch to the 2+ room i think was the most unsettling because they go from quiet babies and hushed lullabies to a room of screaming toddlers and messy play. I remember my DD bit another child in the transition week. We had never seen any behaviour like that from her so she was clearly unsettled. But she did settle into it well. She loved all the activities.

If I were you I'd request a consistent person for the handover though.

Ds was an absolute nightmare. He sobbed and wailed and clung to the door frame on occasion going in to nursery. Within about 3 minutes of me leaving, he was absolutely fine. I know because there were mornings I was standing outside the door of the room, barely holding myself together I felt so awful. So if you trust the staff, believe them that he's fine. And my little wretch is now a 6ft 14 year old who won't let me even give him lifts he's so independent.

Ah I remember this cruddy feeling from my 2 dd’s.

settling them into nursery & then going off to work & feeling a bit traumatised. You’ll feel better soon. Be kind to yourself- you’ll both be into your new routine soon.

consistent handover is impossible staff do shifts and move areas regularly. The welcome person will depend on shift and who is in welcome area.

My daughter was hysterical every morning for four years at her nursery. Sobbing, pleading with me not to leave her, refusing to let go of me. She starts school today and her teacher and SENCo have put some things in place to manage her separation anxiety.

Am I expecting tears this morning? Absolutely. Probably from both of us. But I refuse to feel guilty about something that (currently) has to happen. I'll have a little wobble and I'll get upset but I have to work. She has to go to nursery or school. It's as simple as that. I know she settles onces I have gone and goes on to have great days. And I'm hoping that eventually, she will grow out of it. But I'm aware she might not!

If society was more supportive of Mums, we wouldn't even have to think about it! Be kind to yourself and as you said, once she settles it might get easier!

I remember my work colleague feeling terrible when she had to drop her son off. A fed hours after she received a picture of him all smiles with his lunch all around his face:) after a while he toddled away from her without a second glance!! The settling in process has been.made worse for your daughter because of all the changes. Hope things settle soon. Could anyone else fo drop offs/share?

I feel awful again today. We have tears every day although they say she always settles within 5-10 mins and goes on to have a great day. I feel wretched leaving her when she’s reaching for me. She knows it’s coming when we’re driving there too and goes all quiet in the car. I feel terrible.

Was there no transition period to the new key worker? It’s meaningless if they can just be moved with no notice.
I’d be unsettled if I came into work and found my manager had moved on without a word and my desk had been moved without consultation.