Nursery Given Start Date But Now Saying Look Elsewhere

[iphammer]

Hi all,

I am after some advice, please!

I have a 2-year-old son who will be 3 in February and an 8-year-old son.

Over the past year, I have been trying to get my 2-year-old into the nursery which my 8-year-old went to, and finally, about a month ago I had a phone call to say he had a place starting in September, which I was so happy about. The nursery itself is about a 1-minute walk from where I live, so just around the corner.

Last week another lady from the nursery phoned me to ask me to bring my son in for a trial. This was booked in for the next day as my partner (he's mum) wasn't working; she took him and stayed with him. Whilst on that trial, they picked up on the fact he isn't saying many words. My partner said he isn't, but he is saying more than he was a few weeks ago and also mentioned our eldest son came here and one of the members of staff worked wonders with our eldest son when he was here. The manager responded, saying speech therapy would have to be paid for outside of the nursery.

Before my partner left, they asked her to bring our son back for another trial, but this time to stay with him for 1 hour and then leave him for the next hour. My partner took him to the nursery today, and after an hour of being there, the member of staff called the children inside as a parent wanted to have a conversation outside in the play area ( not in the usual place for a conversation). My son wasn't happy and started crying as he wanted to stay outside. When I went to pick him up, the manager told me what my partner had told me about him crying after they asked all children to come inside. They also told me that when my partner left, he took a toy off another child, and when the child tried to take it back, he threw some sand at them.

The manager told me we don't have enough staff to cater for any child with autism, Down syndrome or disabilities, which he doesn't have or has never been picked up on by health care workers assessing him in the past. At the time I didn't think much of it, but now I feel that was a rude comment to make. She also told me she would call me for another trial date and mentioned he might not have a place here and to look elsewhere.

I am so pissed off at all this. A new management team have come in, and by the looks of it, they are making trials as assessments and choosing children that behave themselves all the time; any out-of-place child will not be going to this nursery. On the family app, he has a start date of 7th September at this nursery, but by the sounds of it they don't want him.

What would you do in this situation?

If a nursery takes funded children they are NOT allowed to discriminate in this way. I can't see anything stand out in your child's behaviour that would indicate a SEN, but regardless, I would perhaps look elsewhere. I worked in a nursery for 14 years, this is not how settling sessions should be conducted.

Honestly I would look elsewhere at this point

The new management team sound like arseholes. And you don’t want arseholes looking after your kids.

Sorry OP 😢

I would look elsewhere because I wouldn't want the biases they have already developed towards your child affecting him.

I would look elsewhere, they sound horrible and I wouldn’t want my child going somewhere like that

What approach should I take? Should I go directly to the owner of the nursery and complain, or wait and see if the manager calls me to book my son in for another trial?

The nursery does take funded children. My partner and I work full time; we have the 30 hours childcare code, which we have given to the nursery.

It sounds like they are discriminating in an unreasonable way on the basis that they think he may have SEN 🤔but they also sound shit so I would look for another nursery anyway, but complain to the LA.

If a nursery can’t handle variations in behavior and development that don’t even have a diagnosis, whether one will come eventually or not, they aren’t really qualified to be open.

You need to find a higher quality provider.

I'm outraged on your behalf OP! They absolutely can't do this as far as I know, I'm not in the UK so won't give comment on the system. However on a personal or moral basis, how dare they suggest your child is disabled like this. If they said for example your child was showing concerning behaviours and they might need to investigate this further down the line, they have concerns about how he will settle etc etc that might be fair enough. Their approach was all wrong. Plus, they sound like they are talking through their arse because there is nothing in your post that raises alarm bells and indicates an additional need. I work with this age group in a nursery.

I would look elsewhere honestly. While a nursery shouldn't discriminate based on disability, this one clearly does. While you want to stand up for your son's rights, I honestly couldn't be bothered to set myself up for a fight with somewhere that clearly doesn't care. I would want my son cared for by horrible people that have no interest in caring for him properly.

Well I wouldn’t want my child to go there now anyway. But I’d email confirming everything discussed at the meeting. See how they respond and forward any evidence to local authority. And look for a new setting

I don’t think they sound very caring. I’d go elsewhere but I’d also consider leaving a google review saying what you’ve said here. As a parent who had a child with a speech delay I would want to know this.

Tricky. If you would still like your child to attend there, I would challenge the relevance of the 'don't have enough staff' comment as that's irrelevant for your Neuro typical child. In any case, additional funding is available to them to provide enhanced staffing levels where children with SEN need extra support, regardless of diagnosis. In the past we have put in place a risk assessment for any child we have initial concerns about, in consultation with the parents, and then altered this as needed. Often children do well once they settle, if not them we begin an inclusion plan and refer to specialists if required with full co-operation from the families. I think we ask a lot of children when they first go to nursery expecting them to settle really fast. How long does it take you as an adult to settle to a new job for example?
There is a big push nationally around inclusion including in early years. Each Best Start hub (sure start centres) will have an inclusion practitioner in place, if yours already has could be worth asking them.for advice.
Choosing nursery is a gut thing, if it doesn't feel right it isn't right for you.