Are these red flags? Should we get a nanny?

[FunnyOrca]

My baby is due to start nursery in a few months. I am aware that I am very anxious about this and trying to balance the anxiety with reality.

We were invited for a pre-settling visit recently and I was so shocked that it had changed so much since we last viewed it in June 2025. The manager and deputy manager have moved on. They were honestly real pull factors to the nursery as they both seemed so driven, ambitious and positive. The new manager was nice enough but less “polished” perhaps. I know that sounds horrid but perhaps just less of a recruiting face for the nursery than the last had been.

I didn’t recognise any of the baby room staff from last time, except for a woman who I see smoking at the bus stop frequently. I had really hoped that she wasn’t in the baby room.

There were also some positive changes in how they were using the space for babies and their sleep space.

I feel the change in staff has left me less confident in my choice of nursery and finding out one of the baby room staff smokes has made me really anxious. I don’t know whether that’s unreasonable, but it’s a dealbreaker for me.

A nanny would be £700 more per month. We could afford it, but it would cut into our ability to save. One option would be to have a nanny for 6 months and then start at a different Nursery next spring.

do nanny and new nursery

The sleep stuff is because of legislation change, I actually find it OTT - staff arent allowed to hold babies to sleep anymore!! Im glad mine isnt a baby now as she never would have slept.
staff changes are normal in that sector. But if you’re not happy, find another option. I’d rather someone was caring and friendly than ‘polished’.

You viewed the setting over a year ago so it's very unlikely you would remember any of the staff members and or that they would move on or into other rooms at some point over that time period.

You do sound incredibly anxious, are you getting help for that? None of what you have said would be a red flag to not use the nursery.

Yes I think third hand smoke would be reason enough, if you can afford a nanny do that until you find somewhere better

Ambitious staff will move on. I would be less concerned about the polished public face and more concerned about how they interact with the children.

Could you move near family-are any able and willing to help? I get that health/work might mean they can't, but many people are willing to do some childcare while they're small. Then you'd have more options/types of childcare available when she's older (some places don't take babies).

We’re actually on Scotland so the sleep guidance hasn’t been updated to the same extent. They had just moved the area, which seemed a better use of space. I was trying to come up with positives!

Tbh if you’re not going in positive you’re unlikely to get Comfortable. Our nursery is brilliant (incidentally, the majority of staff are are same in the 3 years we’ve been there, which from my professional life I know is unusual) but even our nursery has had 1 or 2 hiccups, which I’ve let go as I trust them a lot.

Can you not get a place elsewhere? If not go for a nanny.

This was it though, last time the manager and deputy did different parts of the tour and every room we went into the children ran up to them and were so happy to see them. This time we were taken round by a lovely lady but just back from Mat leave herself so I guess none of the children really knew her. The old team just seemed like the whole package.

We already have grandparents doing a day and possibly happy to help with illness cover so we feel very lucky in that regard.

Thank you to everyone on this thread. I think nanny is the way forward. There is another nursery that I feel more confident about which opens up more spaces at 18 months so maybe that’s our hope.

I’m in the ‘give it a go’ camp. The childcare industry usually does have a high turnover and if the lady has only just returned from mat leave then this could explain the unease you are feeling. You also need to bear in mind that nursery staff can be part time so you may have met different staff in the room if you visited a different day.

I think having concerns about smoking lady are a bit OTT unless you witnessed her smoking near children. Any staff at any nursery could smoke but perhaps you don’t know because they do it in their car instead. Similarly with a nanny.

As someone who bottled it at the last minute when it came to a nursery, I’m with you. We got a nanny and we LOVED her. My husband worked from home for the first few days just to make sure she ok but tbh within a day we could see she was smashing. She honestly cared for DS like he was her own child. I never worried about him when he was with her.

It’s good to be really clear with a nanny about what your priorities are with your baby’s care. I’ve seen nannies glued to their phones or “encouraging independence” by ignoring the child. Interview carefully and find someone with the same basic philosophy as you.

No point picking a nursery based on staff as they frequently leave, move to different rooms, go on holiday etc.
If you want to choose who actually cares for your baby then you need a childminder or nanny.

If you know any parents who take their child to this nursery, it might be worth asking a question or go on a local Facebook group to the nursery and ask people for reviews on good nurseries in the area and see how many say that nursery. As for the smoking lady, what is your main concern with her?