Nursery drop off

[Wanderlust309]

Hi All,
Really lost and need some advice.
My 3 year old will always cry at nursery drop off and will be so unsettled about any talk about nursery at home that he will avoid it. If we speak about nursery he will ask will I be going tomorrow or is it holiday😓 I work part time and he has been going to this nursery since last years only 3 days a week and sometimes even less. His crying has just continued at drop off. When asked at pick up everyone says he settles in 5-10 mins. He will be playing all day. He is okay when we pick him and otherwise a very happy and good boy. He is shy and won’t. Immediately play with anyone. Just worried if this shyness has led him to feel alone at nursery ? We have been back and forth with this thought whether to change the nursery or not. Nursery doesn’t send much pictures to know how he is doing but key worker always tells he is happy inside after the initial hiccup. They say he will participate in small group activity and kids will usually do their own thing.

Would he be happier with a childminder? My kids loved theirs and I was more relaxed

What does nursery drop off actually look like? Who drops off? Who receives him? How long does it take? Do you go in for a while?

@Glitterbiscuits Yes I was thinking of looking into childmindee . Just that the ones close by don’t have the same availability as my work schedule.
@ThatMintMember it can be either me or husband. Drop off is quick and he will start to cry at the nursery door step. We can hear him cry once he goes inside and then will stop in 5-10 mins. Previously the crying used to start from car park or sometimes home. It will be either of us picking him up again. We are not allowed inside the nursery.

Oh I hate it when you aren't allowed inside the nursery with them. That surely helps the transition otherwise they're basically being taken off you. If you do end up at a different nursery I'd try and find one where they don't do that.

Meanwhile at my sons nursery drop off we go in together, see the fishtank, hang his things on his peg, a hug and then I open the door and take him in.

@ThatMintMember That is so nice to know. I feel something like this would help my son too as he is very understanding 🙏 Thank you so much for the suggestion.

I actually never knew there were nurseries that didn't let parents in until very recently. I feel like it's really important to bridge the transition by including the parents. I know all the staffs names, I know what's in the room for him to play with, I know who's been looking after him that day, we can grab a book to borrow on the way out, he can get pictures from his tray to bring home. Parents shouldn't be kept outside!

We started the drop off at the door during COVID and actually found it massively helped the children. It's a firm separation, there's no extended goodbyes, and the children generally do much better with it.

Obviously if the child needs it parents are allowed to bring them in, and actually if parents want to visit we allow it. But the dropoff being at the door is hugely better for the children.

To reassure you after my previous post: we have open days, we make sure all parents know every staff member (and vice versa! so important that all staff know the parents!), we have a library to borrow from outside and the children's artwork in their folders.

We are a preschool taking from 2-4 years old. The transition has been made massively easier for the children by asking that the parents don't usually enter.

Pre-covid, we had a mass of parents every morning "helping" their children do things that they can do themselves, extending the goodbyes with kisses and cuddles, and a number of parents who had to get to work and physically couldn't do the extended goodbye so felt guilty about it, plus their child was wondering why other parents stayed while theirs didn't. The amount of unfamiliar adults in the room at dropoff time (9am for everyone) was distressing for many children. It was busy, it was stressful, the door opening and closing was challenging for staff to manage. What if a parent left and a child slipped out after them?

We now ask that parents don't enter the setting. We don't have room for 24+ parents every morning. We find it works significantly better for even the children who struggle hardest with that transition, and if it really doesn't work we will make an exception. But in almost no cases have I found as a practitioner that a parent coming into the setting to accompany the child has helped them settle better. Again, this is 2+ - babies I suspect would be far different.

Get friendly with other nursery mums (and other adults!) and meet regularly for play dates. Then walk in together. This really worked for mine.