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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Has anyone had this happen at nursery??

26 replies

Skmoo · 05/01/2005 23:44

My 4month DS is in his 4th settling in day at nursery. Uptil now he has had my full attention and most probably been in arms a big part of the past two weeks (festive season and family . Although he is ickle he has a big personality and although I hate to admit it a bit of a temper . The person in charge of baby room asked how we felt about dummies. As she thought it would be a good idea for DS to soothe him as they aren't always around to pay him attention or able to pick him up. Am I being paranoid; is that not what they are there for or is it a case of if he cries stick a dummy in his mouth to keep him quiet. HELP!!!

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lockets · 05/01/2005 23:47

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secur · 05/01/2005 23:50

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stitch · 05/01/2005 23:52

probably a bit of both.
i never put my ds1 down either. but by the time number three came along, well, she poor thing only got held at breastfeeding time. if you dont want them to use a dummy, tell them so, but also, do remember that they are experienced in dealing with babies, and wont leave him to cry when he really does need attention, comfort, companionship, etc.
i think the nursery has to have a staff ratio of two babies to one staff member when under the age of one.
but, do you really truly have to leave him? this time is very precious, if you can, try to be with him instead of work
good luck

SPARKLER1 · 05/01/2005 23:52

Do you use a dummy at all on ds? I think it terrible that they should ask you something like this otherwise. If it was one of my kids I wouldn't very happy at all with their comment. Like you say they are responsible for your child and you expect them to be there at all times when your child needs something. I really think you should tell them how you feel. Although ds's needs are first and foremost I expect you also pay a lot of money for their services and you need to be happy with it.

kangamummy · 05/01/2005 23:52

Is there ratio supposed to be 1 : 2 babies

so surely even if his keyworker was with the other baby another one could cuddle him couldn't they.

for your baby

Having said that I do think dummies are a good thing for some families BUT this seems to be for them not your DS.

oops · 05/01/2005 23:57

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secur · 05/01/2005 23:58

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phatcat · 05/01/2005 23:59

surely the staff to baby ratio for this age group is 1 to 1 - someone should be there to attend to him at all times. Did they actually say this was the reason they wanted him to have a dummy? A 4 month old doesn't have a temper - if he's crying he needs attending to. I wouldn't rule out a dummy myself but not as a substitute for attention.

secur · 06/01/2005 00:02

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SPARKLER1 · 06/01/2005 00:04

secur - totally with you on your first paragraph. I'm a SAHM but I know that if my child went to nursery I would want them to stick to my ways of things as close as possible.

phatcat · 06/01/2005 00:06

ds nursery is 1:1 for 4-6 month olds with higher fees for that age band - it's a private nursery run as a charity though, not for profit

secur · 06/01/2005 00:09

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secur · 06/01/2005 00:10

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happynewessbee · 06/01/2005 00:14

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KateandtheGirls · 06/01/2005 00:19

They didn't say they would use a dummy, they just asked how you would feel about it. That sounds reasonable to me. One of the things you have to accept if you put your baby in daycare (as I did) is that it won't be the same as having your one-on-one attention, and they will do things slightly differently. And those aren't necessarily bad things, I don't think.

kinderbob · 06/01/2005 00:21

Take in a baby sling and ask how they feel about that! Crying babies should be attended to immediately (and not just to shove a dummy in). Ask to see their crying babies policy.

californiagirl · 06/01/2005 05:35

DD's nursery tends to be mostly older babies; there are 8 babies to a room at 1:4, but no more than 1 or 2 of them are under 6 months. With 2 carers, this means that a non-mobile baby who is crying is always held. The older babies are almost always held when crying, even if sometimes makeshifts are employed (one baby in arms, a standing baby between the carers knees). I think I have seen babies with dummies there, but certainly none of the babies in DD's room now uses one. I feed DD at lunch time, so am there for up to an hour at a difficult time of day. I have seen a one year old cry without being picked up because there weren't free hands right then, but he wasn't very upset, and he wasn't just left, either, both carers were talking to him explaining when somebody would be able to get to him. I would be upset at the idea that they weren't always around to pay the baby attention, and my nursery would be humiliated if that ever occured. I've seen what they do with needy babies, and yes, those babies cry more, but Neha wanted to be held and not just by anybody, by her favorite carer, almost non-stop for months, and they held her at least as much as a mother could have.

bunnyrabbit · 06/01/2005 14:13

I think that the legal requirement for babies under 2 is 1:3 ratio, but not sure about the rules for under 6 months.

elliott · 06/01/2005 14:49

I would feel pretty uncomfortable if my nursery had said this to me. The nursery I use asks whether you use a dummy and use it according to your instructions (i.e. for sleep only etc). I've also observed baby room practice while bfing ds2 and can say that comfort for a crying baby was pretty quickly provided - obviously by a number of means, depending on the reason for the cry - perhaps by propping the baby up and giving a new toy if they had just got stuck or bored.
Perhaps it was jsut badly phrased, but certainly the implication that a dummy is routinely used to substitute loving attention would concern me, I'm sorry to say.

SPARKLER1 · 07/01/2005 13:29

Skmoo - How's things going?

IlanaK · 07/01/2005 19:22

Just wanted to step in and say that the legal requirement is 1:3 for under 2's and there is not a different ratio for under 6 months. Most nurseries can only take babies from 3 months old, however there are some allowed to take them from 6 weeks with special ratios and rtequirements for them until they reach 3 months. IN the case of the original poster, the ratio would be 1:3. I was concerned to read the comment by California Girl saying that her nursery has a 1:4 ratio. This would only be legal if it was for children between the ages of 2 and 3 years old. The 1:3 ratio must be maintained at all times - including when staff have breasks, lunch, go to the toilet or leave the room for ANY reason. If it is not, the safety of your children is being compromised. On the otherhand, even with a 1:3 ratio, a child's needs should still be met. If there are young babies in the room, particularly "high needs" ones, there should be provision in place to deal with the extra busy times. At my nursery, the manager (who used to work in the Baby Room) often steps in if many babies need holding/feeding at the same time.

As to the dummy isuue - it is certainly not something my staff would suggest to a parent at nursery, but I would not condemn the nursery without discussing your concerns with them first.

HTH

(I am an nursery owner by the way)

miranda2 · 07/01/2005 19:35

It seems fair enough to me for them to ask how you feel about it. I can't stand them myself, but some people use them all the time, so asking you whether you use one or would like it used at all seems entirely reasonable. Just say no you don't want one used! The fact they asked the question doesn't mean they are going to use one - the reverse in fact I'd have thought (ie, they didn't just stick one in, they asked you). Other mums may bring them in, remember they are dealing with lots of other parents who all do things differently.
Btw, ds has been in various nurseries since 5 months and loves it - spent half the xmas hols asking when it was going to be open again!!!

pabla · 07/01/2005 20:22

It seems like an odd thing to ask, IMO. If he's not already having a dummy now, isn't it highly unlikely he would take to one anyway, at his age?

californiagirl · 08/01/2005 04:54

Note that I am in California, where the law is substantially different. 1:4 is perfectly legal here. I did look at several nurseries that ran 1:3 for babies, but actually they weren't as nice as this one (which actually runs 1:4 at worst, 3:8 for large parts of the day)

sallys · 08/01/2005 10:32

My dd has been at a nursery since 7 mths. They asked if she had a particular comforter- a dummy or blanket but wouldn't try to change her habits in any way. Whatever the ratio unfortunately children in nurseries are not going to get the instant attention that they get from their families. Having said that Nursery Nurses get paid peanuts and work long hours. The vast majority must do it simply because they love kids.

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