Daughters best friend has moved school

[dancingmonkey]

Just found out my 3 year olds best nursery friend has moved nurserys. I'm so gutted and feel sad for her. When I told her she seemed down and it broke my heart. The teacher always said how they were very close. Please tell me im being dramatic and she will get over it?!

She is shy and I'm I think enjoys having one close friend rather than lots. I feel upset for her and worry :(

Why tell her? Don't make a thing of it and eventually she'll forget and play with someone else

This happened to DS. He's a very loyal little thing and gets very attached to people. But he got over it pretty quickly. There were a few tears at drop off every now and then, but he soon found someone new. He's 6 now and can't really remember any one from nursery at all!

Of course she'll get over it, but equally it's OK to feel sad because a friend isn't going to be at nursery any more. It's about striking a balance of helping her recognise her emotions and helping her move on: 'you look a wee bit sad dd, are you missing friend? Come and have a cuddle for a minute with mummy, then we'll go and do something nice to cheer you up. It's sad when our friends move schools, isn't it?'

@DavidsSchitt

Why tell her? Don't make a thing of it and eventually she'll forget and play with someone else

I asked her on the way out of nursery if 'friend' was in today and teacher heard and told me she wasn't coming back and has moved school

Friendships are very fluid at this age.

I wouldn’t mention it to her again, and within a week she’ll probably have made new friends and the previous one will be long forgotten.

Fair enough. You said you told her, made it sound like you sat her down and "broke" the news.

She'll have forgotten in a few weeks and by the time she's 6 she won't even remember the friend. Just don't mention it again

It’s sad when they’re sad but she will soon forget and move on. Dd has 2 ‘best friends’ at nursery. They don’t go on a Monday where she does and she plays with other kids and only mentions they’re not there sometimes on the way as a way of reminding herself what day it is. Neither of them will be going to school with her when she starts in September so she will have to start from scratch anyway.

My DD had a best friend at nursery. They did go to the same first school but from junior school onwards they were at different schools.

Just because kids aren't at the same school doesn't mean they can't be friends. The key thing is to try and keep the lines of contact open, get the mums number and try to have the occasional play date - but don't overdo it.

DD and her friend mostly saw each other once in each school holiday to start with. As they got older and could message each other directly it increased.

The are now 17 and still best friends, starting to think about their first holiday next year after A levels. It's a great friendship, they don't over rely on each other but know they'll always be there for each other.

Aww that’s sad. Dd3 has started Pre school and has 3 friends who are girls she loves playing with as well as lots of other friends, but these are her fav iyswim

If one wasn’t there she does ask and for example I do say f isn’t there on Mondays like you don’t do wed

Maybe the school can pass on your details on the mum and you can meet for a play at the park etc

Good to have friends out of school

It’s happened to both my kids and they’ve both been sad for a while and moved on, OP. It honestly won’t be long and your child will mention her less and less. I do understand the worry though. Talk about other people, plant the seed. X seems really nice, I saw her/him smile sweetly at you. Oh did you see X really loves playing Y? Reminded me of you. :)

Honestly it's not a big deal. She will survive. Don't make it into a drama - she will forget about it. Kids go through so many ups and downs in friendships over and over again. You have to be the ones to say this will pass and there are your future best friends out there. My DD is 20 and we are still having this conversation at uni.

I remember being sad about this with my first at that age. Except it was my fault because we moved to a different country 😂

Your DD will be fine. Acknowledge her emotions, and encourage friendships with others with eg park play dates when it is allowed. I think part of why I was sad when it happened with us was my DC was losing their first real friends, it's that sort of age where they start expressing preferences in who they play with more consistently.

She will get over it. It won't be the last time this happens. Its OK to feel sad for her but it is an important learning experience and helps children build resilience

I disagree. Children are very capable of making close, meaningful friendships at that age and can take time to make new friendships. I think it is wrong to say they will get over it so dismissively. Yes, they will make new friends, move schools etc but the friendships at this age are just as meaningful as ours as adults.

Talk to your child about how they feel and then about other children they enjoy playing with. If you think they are struggling then talk to the teacher.