DS struggling at nursery

[WorriedMumDS19]

DS is 19 months old. He started settling in sessions at nursery at the end of January, 3 weeks later started going full time (which for him is 3 full days per week), and only had about 4 or 5 weeks before lockdown started. It was a shame as he was fully settled in.

DS went back to nursery this week and on his first day I was called in to collect him at half day, as he was so upset. The second day was not much better and the nursery suggested I take him for 3x half days per week (instead of our usual full days) for the rest of the month, and then go back to 3x full days. Today was his third day at nursery and after how he was today, they have suggested I think about sending him for less than half a day each time.

DS cries the whole time that he is there, doesn't want to play and refuses most of his food. When I pick him up, he won't let me go and is unsettled for the whole day. He normally sleeps through but last night woke up 6 times.

I'm so sad that he's struggling. Is there anything I can do to help him settle back in?

When we tried to settle DS into his first nursery they were pushing me to send him for more days. He only went for one day a week school hours so 09.15-15-00 but we always collected him after lunchtime as he really didn’t settle. We had a lot of issues with the nursery so it didn’t work out but unlike your situation my DS always hated it from the first settling in session.
He has since moved nursery after a 4 month break and is ten times happier there! Still has a few rough days but on the whole he’s doing well.

What kind of setting is the nursery? I.e is he in a baby room etc are they split into age groups? Is it quite a large group of children there?
I found it really difficult with the staff at his first nursery as they kind of had the expectation that as he was one of the oldest in the room (under 2’s) that he should be fine to get on with it and couldn’t have their constant attention as the younger babies needed more time.
Have you got any other concerns with the nursery that you feel may be contributing to this?
It’s so sad that he was doing so well in the beginning. I also think separation anxiety can peak at this time!

The nursery staff are really wonderful, I couldn't ask anymore of them. He's in the baby room and would have moved up to the next group of lockdown hasn't happened. There aren't that many children in the room, I think about 10 and also 4 staff. He used to give them kisses before lockdown I just don't know how to help him feel comfortable again.

It sounds like it’s an ideal setting then. It’s really difficult isn’t it. Maybe he just needs more time? I’m not sure if reducing his hours is going to help?
Do you need him to go to nursery or could you remove him and try again in a few months time?

Oh you poor thing. My son is similar age and also started in January. We started back at nursery 2 weeks ago and it’s been rough too but is slowly getting better. He finally had a “good” day at the end of last week.

Part of me wonders if the half days aren’t helping? We went back to 3-4 full days a week straightaway and I think the full immersion may have helped. Sort of like, he’s thinking “well, I might as well not carry on and cry because I know I’m here all day.” If your son knows you’ll be there in a few hours maybe he doesn’t see the point in calming down? Just a thought, but I guess the nursery are more experienced in this kind of situation.

You aren’t alone! It’s been so hard. I feel so guilty but I’m slowly feeling better. I hope it slowly gets better for you too...I’m sure it will

From my experience, shortening day’s will NOT help them settle. It may sound brutal but he might just need to cry it out. I’ve looked after children who are in everyday and cried non stop for the first week and then settled really well. Other child who do 1 day a week or a few half days here and there, never settle fully.