Nightmare Drops Offs.. I can't cope anymore

[pleasehelp2017]

My DD (3.5) used to cry when I dropped her off at nursery and slowly that go better. She still wasn't integrating but the crying stopped. The last copy of weeks have been terrible. She has started hysterically crying when we turn onto the nursery road. When we get in there she grabs me the tightest she can and cries hysterically. Today was the absolute worst, she just wouldn't let me go. When I do eventually get out I cry my eyes out, my stomach is in knots & I'm just anxious the whole day (not helpful when I'm working!). I just cannot cope with this anymore, its too much but I don't know what to do...She's meant to be starting school in September.

What is it that she doesn't like? Is it anything that can be sorted - or is it simply just being away from you that she doesn't like. Have you spoken the the nursery staff, could your husband take her for a few days. Is she happy when you pick her up. Maybe take a little video when you collect her and show her the following morning so that she can remember what a lovely time she had.

Habits in little children are easily made, but also easily broken. Could you take a week or 2 of parental leave and have a break from nursery? Afterwards, do things differently, take a different walking route there. Sticker chart if she's brave and doesn't cry.

It's really difficult, both my boys were not keen on any of the nurseries they went to (or reception for that matter) they'd just rather be at home with me. They're still very like that now that they're older.

How long has she been going?

My son was like this at his previous daycare. We were made to move (WHOLE other story) and he was absolutely fine from his first day at the new centre. Is there any chance she just doesn’t like where she is, and any possibility of changing?

My son was like this. I took him out of nursery and tried a childminder. He absolutely loves going there now! I think you need to try and put her somewhere else. She's clearly not happy.

She’s been going 3 mornings since September. She has always been very very shy/anxious around people. Even though she sees these people regularly it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. She’s constantly saying “she doesn’t like people” and that’s about anyone, in the supermarket, at the Dr etc. Even my mum if we don’t see her for a bit she goes all shy and it takes several meetings again until she will even say hello! Nursery always say that she calms down and has a good day. She even tells me herself that she’s had a lovey day so I dunno what’s happened now to start these crying fits

It's very difficult isn't it. My youngest is almost 3 and she's very shy with people too. Has there been any change in staff at the nursery or anything different? As usually after the first few months it gets better not worse! Is there a possibility of her doing longer sessions? One of mine struggled and when he started doing longer sessions he liked it more, I don't think he had time to settle when it was just morning session.

Oh, this is hard for you OP.

Is there someone else who could drop her off? DH used to do drop offs as he found it easier than me when she threw a strop.

Secondly, could you ask them to text/call you to confirm she’s calmed down. This will at least stop you worrying.

Thirdly, I’m a big fan of role play to find out what’s going on in the dcs heads. Play nursery with her for a while, see what she says/talks about. You might find out what’s bothering her that way?

We extended one of the mornings to a full day (last week was the first one). I actually forgot that when I posted because it's so recent! We were planning on extending the rest over the course of the following few weeks if all went well.

No one else available for drop offs. Hubby starts work before she starts and rest of the family don't drive.

I am very grateful for all the advice. Going to try the role play tonight and see if she mentions anything

Is there anyway your husband could start work later for a couple of weeks and do drop offs? Obviously it depends on his job but it might be interesting to see if she’s the same for him and, if not, it might be enough to break the habit?

Are you leaving quickly or trying to wait for her to calm? Often a kiss goodbye and handover to staff to deal with the crying is the easiest method to calm them quickly as it’s the anticipation of you leaving that is most upsetting.