Am I overreacting?

[user1495827045]

My hubby went to pick up my son from nursery today, who will 3 in July. Nursery asked to speak to my hubby privately and informed him they wanted to speak to him as know I can be sensitive..and take things personally...! They told him our son has been shouting at children if he doesn't get his own way and barges past others and because he is 'stocky' can scare them. They also said he is grabbing toys without asking and this needs to be addressed as shouldn't be doing it at his age.

Am I only the only person with a child like this and I thought it was fairly normal behaviour (obviously we tell him off when we witness these behaviours and have chats about it)

Also I'm annoyed about the sensitive and taking things personally comment. Or am I just overreacting?

All children do this ! Nursery are over reacting . Our nursery will tell us if the kids have acted out but will always be balanced and say it's totally age appropriate.

Well it would appear that your DS is more shouty and grabby than his peers, it would also appear that you haven't taken things well when they've raised issues in the past?

A 3 year old

I would be worried if nursery staff wouldn't consider this normal if unpleasant behaviour. Not to say your DS is unpleasant at all, what I mean is they all go through this.

Rather then passing blame and personal comments onto parents, they should he coming up with a collaborative strategy for you and them to teach him it's not acceptable, in an age appropriate way.

How odd they called you "over sensitive"

Errrrm from my extensive dealings with small beings, that is COMPLETELY normal behaviour! I would be pretty cross at the nursery for 2 reasons.

1. They seem unable to see this is normal behaviour and deal with it as needed.
2. The comment they made to your husband was pretty rude and unprofessional. I don't for a second believe they should not have spoken to you about trying to nip the behaviour in the bud and ensuring you were aware he is showing this behaviour. However, the way they have approached this is very over the top.

I would be going in to discuss the staffs behaviour personally, he is 3 for goodness sake he isn't deliberately using his height to intimidate his peers!

I do agree that he may be "worse" than others but it's hardly extraordinary behaviour. I do think they should bring it to your attention but the way they have gone about it does seem odd.

Also very strange about the comment because even if they felt that was true, surely they would have more tact than to say that outright? it doesn't sound very professional to me at all.

Well, I suppose he is an outlier in terms of his behaviour in his group. I can't imaging the nursery are calling ALL their parents in to discuss behavioural concerns.

Is he the youngest in the group?

I would be open to it and work with them. Find out what it is exactly that is unusual compared to his peers and see if you can, in conjunction with them, work out why he is displaying behaviour that is different to the other children at the nursery/ in his group.

Okay the comments about you are odd and even if there has been a history very unprofessional. The nursery should be discussing with you where your child is at with his learning and development and maybe they were trying to explain what they wanted to work on next and enlist your help....although not abnormal at this age a setting would be working with children on sharing turn taking and moving around the setting with more skill and care and should involve parents in this however if this is what they are trying to do it seems they need a bit of training in it.
I have a child who is not yet 2 and a half but could pass for 5 it does bring its problems as they have the skill of a child their age but the force of a 5 year old....its not their fault but it can be intimidating for the smaller children but no way would I blame the child. we are all concentrating on building his physical skills to help keep him safe so in some ways more of a priority than with smaller children who cant climb or reach what he can or run with such force with so little ability to spot danger. Teaching that skill is the job of all the adults not a fault of his.

Hmmm, it may be normal, but still unwanted behaviour. Dd is 2.5 and my expectations of her that she wouldn't do any if those things, it's been a slog but she does play nicley with others now. I would be pretty pissed off if one if the older children at nursery was pushing or snatching without it being addresed

Have they approached you about your sons behaviour before and if so how did you react?

I actually don't think barging, grabbing and shouting at others is that normal for a 3 year old and utterly certainly needs to be tackled before he starts school. They're basically saying they've tried talking to you about it before.
When he does this st home what do toy do? Do you praise and reward him when he doesn't behave like that? Reinforcing the good choices he is making?

I dont think it is normal either. I have 4 dc and they never behaved this way at nursery or school.
I think the fact they are talking to you about this means is above the normal 3 yo behaviour they see everyday.

My DS is the same age- and sharing etc is a nightmare. But if they don't tell you, how are you going to have consistency between nursery and home? The comments about sensitivity are odd, but have you become defensive if they've mentioned something in the past?