Help!!

[charliejr]

So, I'm just looking for a bit of advice really. My 15 month old has just started nursery. He's doing his settle in sessions at the moment but he absolutely hates it. He screams as soon as I drop him off, and carries on screaming for the full two hour sessions. The last time he went the nursery nurse phoned me to come and collect him early as he'd began to bite himself and make himself sick from being so upset. He's so unsettled for days afterwards and will not leave my side/go to anyone else.

He's always hated being around other children, he's not sociable at all. Fine with adults, but not children (hence the reason we're putting him in nursery). We've done various baby groups and had friends/family with children round regularly to try and get him socialised, but he either completely ignores the other children or screams when they come near him. He likes routine, doesn't like mess and likes things to be done his way and won't let other people touch anything of his.

Doctors and HV have no real advice, they just tell me what my gut says. Have any of you ever experienced this? It just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. He gets worse every time. I don't want to traumatise him, but I'm reluctant to pull him out because when he goes to school he won't have a choice in weather he goes or not, he will have to be surrounded by other children.

I really don't know what to do on this one. Any advice or experiences you've had would be massively appreciated! I'm a bit of a lost mummy at the moment.

Thank you xx

Do you need him to be at nursery? I wonder if he just needs to be a bit older before he can cope around lots of other children. Being able to talk and express himself might help.

Would a childminder with less children help? Is a nanny an option?

Screaming the whole time, biting himself and being sick is a very extreme reaction.

2 hours seems like a long settling in session. My daughter started with 30 mins and when she was comfortable with that they kept adding 30 mins.

Do you need him to go? I wouldn't worry about school at this point - in 6 months, things will probably be totally different. Kids change so quickly.

Have you been to any kind of parent and child sessions where you stay with him? How is he at those? If not, maybe those would be a good way to encourage him to interact with other kids a little with your support?

Sorry... just re read your OP and realized you'd already answered my question.

My DP was like that FMIL said.
She tried him at nursery at 3 and he climbed the gate and started walking back home
He also screamed and cried excessively
Nursery staff recommended he stay at home until school age
He's an only child (a mummy's boy) and it was just them two and she was with him almost 24/7.
Don't have any advice for you sorry OP.

I don't necessarily need him to go to nursery, I work in a family business so I don't need to go back as they can manage fine without me. I just thought it might help him. My HV once mentioned autism on a visit when I explained his behaviours. Obviously the can't tell that until they're older (can they?) he's only been to 3 sessions so far, the next one being this afternoon. We looked a childminders, but thought against it as he can be very difficult and felt the staff:child ratio at our nursery would be better for him as he can take up a lot of attention. Should I be persevering with nursery or just stop all together. I worried leaving him til he's older might make him worse :-(

I think if he's becoming very distressed and it's not getting any better each time then it isn't going to be helping.

15 months is very little still, so a lot could change in be next few months. At this age they don't really play with other children, I don't think that in itself is alarming.

Have you had any sessions at the nursery where you stay with him? Maybe that could help to get him to settle and relax?

He is very young for any diagnosis but as he has issues settling any good setting should be able to offer you advice and support not just leave it down to you. They can also call in support from inclusion teams to help even without a diagnosis.

I'm a child-minder and take a lot of children with special needs and many with attachment issues it can work very well and be a lot less stressful for the child.

I would not look at any special needs issue just yet but concentrate on giving him a secure environment and a bond with a key worker.....do you leave him with any other family members? Then work at supporting and reassuring him that nothing bad will happen if another child is sitting near him with no pressure to play or interact with that child just to be comfortable with them nearby over time id look at me playing with both one each side doing the same thing like bricks but not together and if hands stray and get a negative reaction just be saying its okay and reassuring. This has worked numerous times with children including some potentially and diagnosed as on the spectrum.