I don't think the nursery like my son

[user1475015633]

Hi. I'm having problems with My sons nursery at the moment or maybe it's me feeling paranoid. My son is nearly 18 months. He's not quiet. He likes to get physical. But he does like to be involved in activities. My son doesn't get on with the senco and you can tell. He does like Tge others. He'll wave at her and try to go to her office. Each time I've picked him up there's a complaint. He's snatched a toy, or pushed a child. I've apologised but said he doesnt do it at home. Today it was he tried to jump on a baby. He's learnt the word baby recently. He's also learning to jump. I'm lost for words. We're not a bad family. We model good behaviour and show sad faces if he's not behaving. He has three older sisters who are very calm. Other staff members smile. This one looks very upset with my son each time and he doesn't look at her. I have asked to look at cctv to understand tg

Sorry I hadn't finished. I want to see the context and they say there's not much point. I have said he's quite demanding at home and they've said they've got other children to look after and haven't always got time for him. My other daughter did really well there until some staff left. She doesn't like it there either. She has wraparound luckily but he's there for two full days. Shall I just move him to another nursery. My daughter loves the school nursery which she goes to in the morning.

Showing sad faces isn't enough when a child tries to jump on a baby.

They clearly don't like some of his behaviour, but that doesn't mean that they don't like him. I can't see a reason to change nursery but you need to work with them on his behaviour.

Hi. I didn't mean when he jumped on baby. We don't have any babies at home. I wasn't there. I meant generally. I have worked with the nursery. We do kind hands. I have been supportive with them. He is different from my girls. I just don't want to feel he's unwanted there. Kids can tell things like that and it's probably bothering him. At home I have to keep a firm eye on him.

I would agree - you need to be more assertive with boisterous boys - tell them clearly what you expect from them, (say it in the order you want it done) and then steer them back towards what you want when they stray. They tend not to pick up on modelled good behaviour and sad faces quite so well.

I like Steve Biddulph - secrets of happy children and more secrets of happy children, as they give you more confidence in handling your own children.

I am not sure what you are expected to do about his behaviour in nursery though - surely that is their domain and they should have strategies in place to deal with it . I would also be looking around at other nurseries.

Op. I'm a mum to 3dds then came ds imo boys are a different kettle of fish. Ds' nursery often report naughty behaviour, err cos he can be naughty! Difference is I feel nursery like him and work at helping him with behaviou, hes nearly 4!
Your ds is a baby himself, he shouldn't be in the pisition were he can jump on a baby. Its up to nursery to supervise!

I completely disagree with the previous posters. None of his behaviour is unusual for a 17 month old, none of it. I look after two of them at the moment. Both are busy, inquisitive little babies who have no concept of sharing or of personal space. They take stuff off each other and push one another out the way. They will learn not to do it in time, when they are developmentally ready as will your son. I'd be wondering why they have young babies lying around amongst toddlers, that's the behaviour that needs questioning! Idiots. Start looking for another nursery, your boy deserves better. At the very least people who understand child development!

I am not sure what you are expected to do about his behaviour in nursery though - surely that is their domain and they should have strategies in place to deal with it hmm. I would also be looking around at other nurseries.

^^

This

I'd also add that ds did go to a pre-school for half a term which I felt had totally labelled him as a naughty boy. Thats not helpful!

Yes I'd look for a different nursery too, definitely. Of course your boy is being naughty at times - it's what little kids do! When my DD started at nursery she used to hit people. She never did this at home, but she did it there, I guess because other kids had toys she wanted or whatever, it was part of the process of her learning to be around other kids. I spoke to her a lot about it and emphasised it wasn't kind to hit etc, the staff worked on it too and she did stop but it took a bit of time. I felt embarrassed about it at the time, and terrible that she was doing that, but kids aren't born knowing how to socialise in a mature way! Your sons behaviour sounds common (if not ideal) and you want to be somewhere where you have a good feeling about how the staff are interacting with him. There is a lovely side to being boisterous and you want people who accept him as be is, flaws and all!

*As he is

It's hard because if I was the mother of the baby I'd want to know about this incident and I wouldn't want your son anywhere near my child.

Then you'd be well advised to get a nanny for your child instead of using a nursery. Especially a nursery that put your baby in that position. The op's very young toddler is behaving perfectly normally. If you don't want your child around children who are behaving developmentally normally, don't send them to nursery or at least choose one that watches them properly but don't shift the blame on to a 1 year old.

I too would change nursery. Why is he so close to a baby he can jump on it? Why have the adults not capable of stopping this? Most nurseries I have seen have a baby room so babies can't be squashed by boisterous toddlers! Surely it's the adults responsibility to keep a 17 month old under control.

It's hard because if I was the mother of the baby I'd want to know about this incident and I wouldn't want your son anywhere near my child.

If I was the mother of the baby, I'd want to know why the hell an 18 month old was put in this position. 18 months is still a baby or v v young tiddler.

I'd have thought that a good nursery would have experience and expertise in managing the normal range of toddler behaviour (which your DS sounds like he is showing). And being able to show positive regard for all children would be an important part of a nursery setting. Does the nursery have a lot of unqualified/inexperienced staff?

Your child's behaviour doesn't sound out of the ordinary for his age and I'd be concerned if the nursery said they have other children to look after and don't have time for him. Of course you can let him know what is/isn't acceptable behaviour but he is still very young and the nursery should have strategies in place to help him

I would look at other nurseries too, from what they've said it sounds like they're not doing the best job with him. I would be very annoyed if my nursery told me they didn't have time for my DC, what are you are paying them for?! If they think they don't have time to sufficiently supervise your DS then they must have a problem, not your DS or you.

Suggesting to you that your son is 'naughty' for acting like a normal toddler is very sad. It's their fault if he had opportunity to jump on (fall on? trip over? Obviously an accident) the baby, who shouldn't be left in a place where this could happen.

Aside from all that, if you feel they don't like your DS then you perhaps haven't clicked with them and I think it's better to like (or at least trust) the people you're choosing to look after your DC.

Thankyou so much for your responses. My daughter is also at the nursery and she has done really well. She's nearly 4. The trust has always been there. Its only the past month or so that I'm being told about his behaviour. I also seem to be seeing lots of bump letters. I know he's perfectly fine. He's so tactile and loving. He likes to be boisterous, but that's him letting off steam. For those who wander why he's in that room: I have heard from others they can only go to tweenies room if they are steady on their feet. My DS can run and kick a ball better than most his age, yet they wont move him. I am going to email them and talk this through. For those who say he shouldn't be near their child: That's the point everyone is making. He is in a small room with babies and he's getting bored. I know my DS loves being part of activities. He sits with his legs crossed, he can sit and read a book with me, he copies his older sister in play, obviously he's a bit more clumsy than she is, he follows instructions. His face says it all when this member of staff looks at him. He just wants to be engaged with someone. I will let you know how I get on.

We had to move nursery when DD's old nursery wouldn't move her up despite her being more than ready. It turned out to be a fantastic decision - her second nursery was much better than the first.