Making friends with other Mums at dd's nursery

[thechocolatemonster]

DD started nursery in January and I'm finding it really difficult to meet the other Mums there. DD goes three afternoons a week and the stony stares from the other mums are starting to reduce me to tears on the way home.

Every day I go with a big smile and try to chat to whoever else is waiting by the door. Only frosty glances or vague mumbles in response.

I've got loads of other friends but am beginning to think my dd will miss out if she doesn't play with her nursery friends.

It's beginning to make me feel paranoid - what do I do?

Jess

How bizarre - you would think they'd feel the same way as you and want to meet you too. Is the timing do you think? Are they in a rush to pick their child up and get home? Or distracted by having their other kids with them? I'm trying to think of a reason why they wouldn't respond.

If they're just mean I don't think your dd will miss out on anything if you don't spend time with them and their children.

My experience is that it takes a while to break into the clique !

My dd was at day-nursery for a couple of years and I very rarely got to chat with any of her friends parents. We were all always in such a rush as all working that it was hard to stop and chat. When she was 3 there started to be parties and so I got to chat to more parents - but tbh it was all quite superficial and I guess looking back that was prob because they all realised that our kids would end up at diferent schools etc - so not worth investing too much time in making friends etc

She then went into a school nursery and like you I felt really stressed out as I seemed to be the only one who didn't have anyone to chat to at the gates - I tried to talk to a few people but they were really snooty and didn't chat the next time I saw them !

Now - it's all turned around and I chat to anyone and everyone - a lot of them are quite shy I now realise - and I mistook that shyness for snootiness - mind you a couple are really stuck up and I don't bother speaking to them anyway - and now I think I am in danger of appearing cliquey myself - so I amlways make a huge efort to chat to anyone new and to introduce them to other mums.

It's a minefield - but don't take it too personally ! An ice breaker at our school was a few coffee mornings happened - then a few selling parties - then suddenly we KNEW each other !

you may find that come September everything will be different! Alot of the children of these long standing mums will be in reception so you will be part of the group who have been around the longest (well - that's what happened to me last year anyway )
Hope it all works out for you. I know how you feel. I really envied all those Mums who knew each other and now, I know a lot fo the other mums too.
The other thing I did was hold Macmillan Cancer Care Coffee Morning - sometime in September and invited all the mums. They didn't all come by any means but it was enough to break the ice with a few and we now meet up in the afternoon sat the park or wherever.

Norah - you've put my mind at rest.

Initially I was always rushing off to work and I was in exactly the same situation you describe - always in a rush and no time to talk. Now I'm not so busy with work and I want to make friends when everybody else has got into a clique.

Hopefully it will happen over time. Glad to hear that it was similar for you. They all come across as really snooty - but maybe I did/do too.

I'm trying to be as open and friendly as possible so hopefully I'll break the ice with one of them soon. Thanks for the advice.

Norah - I'm one of those mums!!! I am scared stiff of pretty much everyone, and come across as a snotty cow - it really is just fear though.

We have some sponsored bike ride thing in a couple of weeks (todders ride round in circles, parents have coffee), so I am hoping there will be some talking parents there.

It took a long time for me to get talking to the other mums at DS's first nursery. Then one mum had the initiative of organising social evenings for just the mums, once every couple of months or so at a local restaurant.