When did you know it was over?

[HollyDollyPolly]

15 years into a marriage, childhood sweethearts and DS12.

Not arguing but seemingly more and more unhappy, although when bringing up with DH he maintains it's a glitch and all is fine.

Wondering how long we carry on but desperately wanting a family unit for DS's sake as growing up in split family myself was shit.

When I realised how much it was affecting my kids. DD was 14 and asked me why I was still with him.

When staying felt scarier than leaving. I had a lightbulb moment where I just thought I’m not doing this again but it still took months for me to end things

When my heart used to sink when he got back from work , realised I just didn’t want him to come home at all

That was the same for me too

He's not a bad person which makes it harder. Good Dad, always puts the family first, works hard etc.

I feel awful that I'll be the person to break up our unit but I find I spend more and more time looking at people who have started again and seem blissfully happy and think what if.

Some days I think it's ok and it's working and others I'm making posts like this.

OP, what can you do to not split up?
Lots of marriages have glitches and periods where treading water, certainly all of my friends marriages have had these periods.

There was no abuse so blowing up a family and their childrens lives, just because they are a bit bored and fed up, would never hav occurred to them.

If there were issues like control, abuse, etc., absolutely pack your bags and go.

But for boredom I would definitely sit down and ask does he want to be a part of trying to work on things and figuring out.

One other friend of mine asked her husband this and he said things were fine and he didn't want counselling, didn't like the idea of it.
She said fine, I will file as it's over for me then, and she really meant it.
He thought she was bluffing but was absolutely stunned to receive notification.
They were straight into counselling and are still together.

I think its worth exploring so that you can be honest with yourself and your child, that you did everything you could.

I realised that we'd nothing in common apart from the kids. I did everything at home despite working full time. He was more interested in his work - came home at 8, ate dinner then fell asleep and spent weekends on his interests.

I just couldn't bear spending the rest of my life like this once the kids left home.

When i asked him to peel some spuds after a 14 hour day and he threatened to leave because of this (the straw that broke the camels back).
Is there a few things making you fed up or have you told him about exactly whats bothering you