Sister Dating an Agnostic Man

[mightymam]

Salams all, quick one- just found out my sister is dating a white man who considers himself Agnostic. I’m worried. Sister has always been the most amazing of Muslims (the perfect girl) but after undergoing a horrendous divorce where her very practising husband has left no stone unturned to torture her, she’s lost all hope in Muslim men. She tried Muzz but because she’s divorced, most men on there were looking for hookups so she doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything wrong. I don’t know what to do.

Just be there for her

What worries you exactly about this situation?

So she’s been abused by a Muslim husband and seen as sexually available to other Muslim men because she’s divorced? Not surprising really she’s giving infidels a try.

Funny. Judging by the amount of threads on this messageboard from non-Muslim women complaining about being verbally, physically and sexually abused, harrassed, stalked, incested, abandoned, and asked by their non-Muslim husbands to fuck other men, etc. I can guarantee you that no sane Muslim woman is interested, in any way, in your gross men. You can keep them.

You can't control your sister, but you can try to advice her and guide her. Remind her to think about her Akhirah, not just the Dunya. She's clearly been unlucky, or maybe made some bad choices in her life, to end up with an abusive husband - who knows. But the answer isn't to jump into another ill-thought out relationship. It sounds like she needs some help to process her traumas, and to feel at peace with not being in a relationship. Marriage is not everything...it's better to be happy and safe by yourself than in bad or haram relationships. All you can do is to be there for her, and help her see that there's more to life than having a man by your side.

Mde bad choices? Can you explain how some chooses to be abused?

FYI I grew up in a Muslim country where women are targets just because they are walking on the street. Sure there are gross Western men but come on, you can’t ignore the misogyny inherent in most Islamic countries.

good for her, she deserves somebody normal

Misogyny is the norm in all countries...to pretend otherwise is laughable.

There’s misogyny and then there’s following, groping , grabbing, molesting, flashing etc, all repeated experiences I had to endure from age 8 growing up in a Muslim country. Not experiences I had at anything like the same intensity in any European country I’ve lived in or visited. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I experienced all that in the UK. Been groped as standard in most pubs on a Saturday night and on the train. Grabbing, following, molesting as standard. Flashing is what almost all men do electronically now.

Oh it is intense in the UK experiencing this. Also experienced the same in European countries when visiting from the UK....Coincidence? Wherever men are...this will happen as the norm as it is socially accepted the world over.

I still won’t buy it. For one thing, equal
rights are enshrined in all European/ western countries. Not so in Muslim countries. Men in a majority or Islamic countries can marry up to 4 women at a time. In case of divorce, men usually get custody. If sharia law is followed, women inherit a portion ( I think a quarter) of what male relatives inherit. In the country I grew up in, there has been a spate of femicides carried out on women who have taken up legitimate employment in new cities in the desert. Etc etc, the list goes on. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences, I can only say that hasn’t been mine, admittedly I’m in my 50s so maybe standards of male conduct especially when alcohol is involved, have deteriorated drastically.

I am in my 40s. Women do not have equal rights in the UK. There are many rights that men have that women do not in the UK....that is common the world over.

Sharia law is similar to UK law....and sharia councils are similar to ACAS and family mediation....both of which you support right? Places to go and get advice....same as sharia councils.

Femicides happen the world over because women are not seen as equal to men. Same as in the UK...it is called 'misogyny' and it is what all cultures are based and built upon. The UK culture being one of them.

Yes you will have experienced it but it is that normal that women just ignore it and accept it....likely you are one of those that does.

Male misconduct has always been an issue....so no, nothing has changed drastically. It has always been the case.

Where to begin. But here’s my answers 1) women do have equal rights to men in the U.K. and it’s enshrined in the law. What exactly are those many rights that men have and women don’t, that you mention above? I’d be very interested to know. You cannot treat a woman unfavourably in the uk on the basis of her sex 2) sharia law is problematic because it enables a man to have multiple wives- and we know Muslim men in U.K. can and do contract Islamic marriages with multiple wives, it also treats women unfavourably in inheritance, divorce, child custody etc. Femicides happen the world over but in some cultures there are get outs/ justifications eg the woman was unfaithful/ it turns out she wasn’t a virgin at marriage etc and I’d argue that culturally that is more acceptable in Islamic countries. I really do not accept the comparison between British attitudes to women and Islamic ones, we have had centuries of feminism and fights for equal rights now and it’s simply not comparable.

Women do not have equal rights at all. The fact you say we have feminism here means there is a need for it so you are admitting that there are not equal rights. We do not live in a feminist society we live in a misogynistic society - 90% of girls being sexually abused in schools by boys who copy their heroes Andrew Tate etc. It is OUR culture of Christianity that is all about controlling women and girls. Femicides happen in ALL cultures as ALL cultures are misogynistic.

Here you go I will list them but in reverse to make you think......

Name me a country in the Uk where males have to ask females permission for healthcare? Name me a country in the UK where men's reproductive rights are controlled by females. Name me a place in the UK where men have medical procedures and are told they cannot have anaesthetic but women can. Name me a place in the UK where males are told to cover up to protect men from women? Name me a place in the UK where more money is spent on researching women's pleasure than men's healthcare/ Name me a place in the UK where women need a law to stop them from marrying children? Name me a place in the UK where women need a law to stop them from murdering men in the bedroom. Name me a place in the UK where rapists are held to account in most cases. Name me a place where females kill males for being male. Name me a place in the UK where men are paid less than women for exactly the same work. Name me a place in the UK where groups of women make decisions over men's bodies. Name me a place in the UK where men rape victims are banned from getting counselling but female victims are. Name me a place where men's rape support is closed down by females. Name me a place in the UK where male rape support groups are run by females who tell male victims they can no longer have male only support. Name me a place in the UK where research is only carried out on the female body....Oh I can continue. I expect your answers with evidence please.

Common sense has left the room and so will I. All I can say is try living in a Muslim country for size ( as I did for 9 years) and then report back.