Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

"Sorry X, I can see no point in us meeting. I prefer a man who is clean-shaven and I am not keen on men wearing earrings. I would not expect you to change these things about yourself as they are obviously part of your style. All the best."

Can't believe OP is getting stick for not going on a date with a man she doesn't fancy and has no interest in, FFS.

Would those saying she's shallow go out with literally anyone?

He’s obviously done this on purpose because he knows he doesn’t match his other photos but thinks you won’t back out now. I’d be honest with him and say something like:

‘’Hi, I’ve just seen your updated photo and I feel as though you haven’t been entirely honest with me up to now. Honesty is very important to me when looking for a potential date, so I feel uncomfortable going ahead with our plan to meet tomorrow. I don’t want to lead you on, but I wish you well for the future. Take care’’ and then block.

As long as he doesn’t know where you live!

But earlier you said you have standards? Quite low ones if being the only one in your town meets them…

Honestly I think I’d make an excuse and say you’re getting back with your ex or hit it off with another person on the app. It doesn’t sound like he meant to mislead you (far away pictures just sounds shy/embarrassed) and it seems a bit hurtful to say ‘you sounded ok but now I’ve seen you close up, yuck’. And in future make sure you’ve seen a clear picture before agreeing to meet.

Yes, be honest but with tact. I hate all the totally made up excuses, just be adult and honest without being too personal. A beard and an earring are changeable and therefore not too personal. There’s a balance.

You've been speaking online for 1 week 😅 calm down you don't owe him anything. Just say you can't make it. You don't even have to give a reason.

I hate facial hair. Just no. I'd have to cancel too.

I can't believe that anyone would suggest that this behavior isn't (literally an excellent example for the definition of the word) shallow.

Would I go out with literally anyone? Of course not, that's quite the straw man (or you just don't know what shallow means in this context).

I have loads of preferences in this area. For example, I wouldn't go out with someone who was rude, lazy, selfish, humorless, bigoted, or... shallow.

I wouldnt agree to meet someone who i havent video called... Not for this reason but thats just me

Beards and scruff can be dealt with but is he revolting underneath ?

😂

I'm not in the dating market but I'd meet almost all people for a coffee to check them out as a potential friend. You never know how you might click. Sometimes things we don't like (like an earring) don't seem quite so important if the personality is good.

Whiskers and a hoop? Not wanting that in a man doesn’t make the OP shallow. Just be honest and tell him you’ve changed your mind (then give up and get a cat - you’ll save yourself no end of bother).

So he's lured you in with older photos and now that you've agreed to meet him has sent you an up to date one. That's deceptive. Have you asked him how old he is? I get that it's hard meeting people as you get older online seeing a relative go through it but you need to be honest about your looks!

This happened to me, he posted 2 old photos from 10 years ago and he looked quite nice in them , we arranged to go for dinner and a few days before, he confessed that the photos were older and he had put on a bit of weight since then. I asked him to send me an up to date photo and omg , there's no way I would have swiped right on him but obviously he knew this and that's why he didn't put it up in the first place.
I didn't say that I didn't fancy him but I just said I didn't really like what he had done, that was my get out clause. He said it was his own fault and that he had let himself go , I couldn't kick him when he was down ,.I actually felt sorry for him then.

Don't make an excuse, as he'll still be after you. Be direct. And ignore the posters saying you're shallow. Sexual attraction is important, and only meeting people whose photo I was attracted to has worked out well for me.

"Hello Whiskers, [that part is a joke!]

You really should have posted a clear and recent photo to begin with. Now that I see a close-up complete with beard, I don't feel the kind of spark that inspires me to go on a date with you. I'm sure you'll agree that attraction is important. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you'll take this as a gentle reminder that honesty is the best policy.

Best wishes,
Thoroughly Nauseated

This. I can't quite believe some of the comments here.

OP, you've been chatting for a week. You don't owe him a thing. Just call the meeting off and move on.

You're forgetting that men aren't dating to get friends. Because of that, they won't generally do the friend thing. They want a shag or nothing.

I REALLY hate facial hair. I hope I never have to be a partner to someone with it. (Like if a committed partner grew one. My FWB did that for seven months, and I was so glad we weren't committed. It put 20 years on him and made him look like an OAP.)

You sound INCREDIBLY shallow and vain, wowzers. Breathtakingly so.

You agreed to meet up with someone with whom the conversation “wasn’t great anyway?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Wow so looks really are everything to you, aren’t they?

Which is wrong because...?

And you sound like an incel coming on here to tell women off.

I would think he's a nice person for updating his photo before you met, and he might be quite lonely. Maybe he could use some gentle advice on his appearance.

Old is a fickle world. Guarantee he'd have unmatched you if this was a reverse. Next time get a call in sooner than later. Next...