Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Seconded.

Beards can be shaven, earrings can come out. Great online chat can fizzle as soon as you meet. I'd probably still give the guy a chance, but keep it brief- a coffee or something!

Good point! If the OP wants to remain single (and makes this clear to matches so nobody gets hurt), then of course there is nothing wrong with the OP remaining single - regardless of what criteria they use to assess matches.

If the OP is looking for a longer term, connected, and mutually beneficial relationship, then using shallow (i.e. superficial) assessment criteria will reduce the chances of success.

Obviously, you get one of your friends to message him telling him you fell off the roof.
She doesn’t know which hospital you’re in or even if you’re in hospital, but it’s grim.
So sorry, g’bye.

Voila. You’re out. Imagination, kid - imagination.

Going to meet up with physically repulsive men who catfish will certainly reduce chances of success in life generally. Expect more.

Physically repulsive?!

Crikey.

Instinct is there for a reason. Too many people waste time on old. Op isn't even interested in him.

Well, that's not the kind of man I'd be interested in anyway. I'm only interested in the kind of man who wants to get to know me and then consider a physical relationship based on something other than getting a shag.

In general though, I will meet someone for coffee. Sometimes I've randomly met people who need some support in some area I have experience in, have similar life circumstances and want to connect with someone who does, whatever really. Granted, none of them have actually been men.

Yes, if you bothered to even read the OP's first post, she was physically repelled by his appearance in the new photo.

I've never done OLD and never would, but surely the whole point is meeting up with someone you like the look of in a photo and then seeing if you get on?

When I did internet dating, I always met up for at least one date. I realised very quickly that chatting and photos mean very little and when you meet someone it’s very different.

I always felt that I had nothing to lose by having at least one date and it got me out for a night. Eventually, after quite a few dates, I met my gorgeous DH. He looked a bit of a twat in his photo but in person he was lovely.

It depends a bit on how bad the ick is. I’d be tempted to message back and say oh dear I am NOT a beard fan, I should probably put that in my bio! But let’s meet up and see how chatting goes :)

I remember meeting a man via OLD.
We decided to meet up at (my favourite) a Mexican restaurant halfway between us.
Him: You aren’t blonde!! An accusation.
Me: It says right on my profile that my hair is silver.
He complained about the entire meal, all through the meal.
It was excruciating.
This particular restaurant is a city institution, but evidently he hated everything about it.
I paid the check - because I invited him.
As we left, he said (loudly) “you’re skinny!!”
Me: It says right there on my profile that I’m slender.
So all this gentleman did was look at my photo and decide that he liked me - and made a series of assumptions that were clearly wrong.
My sum of that painful evening? 5 - I got to eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant.
The rest was a bust.

He's catfished you !!! Be honest with him then move on

Exactly. What has he done wrong, I don't see it? He wears a hoop earring like loads of men? Not a crime. He sent the photo before meeting. Now OP can decide not to meet. As she didn't really enjoy the chat, didn't like his earrng or his looks, I think she should back out. There's a million polite excuses she can make, and i see no reason not to be polite about it. But it's not his fault,

Naaaaw. I’d worry he’ll feel unattractive & sad after posting the new pic so I’d make something up. Tell him your ex has found out you’re going on a date & now wants to give it another go.

Your ex is back and you're giving it another go.

This way he'll leave you alone as he won't want to deal with another bloke in the picture.

Physical attraction matters, and there’s no point meeting someone you already know you’re not attracted to. It would be a waste of both your time and his.
The kindest thing is to be honest but gentle, and to do it sooner rather than later. You don’t need to tell him it’s because of the photo - that would just be hurtful and serve no purpose. Instead, you can keep it simple and vague. Something like saying you’ve given it more thought and you don’t think you’re in the right place to meet anyone at the moment.

Plan B? I’m really sorry I’ve just met a lovely guy and my feelings for him are such it would be unfair on you and dishonest of me, for us to meet.

David Essex’s hoop drove the women wild!

When I met DH for the first few times when out through mutual friends I completely didn't find him or his style attractive. (I was happily single and not looking). Then one night I suddenly looked over and something clicked. 26 years later I fancy him more than ever and he has been a wonderful husband. You never know!

In what world does a scruffy beard and an earring make someone "physically repulsive"? You sound like a real delight, one could almost say you have a repulsive personality! Your definition of catfishing is also questionable.

It's not "shallow" to want to be attracted to someone. How rude.

I’d call off the date.

It’s not shallow to not want to go on a date with someone that you’re not attracted to.

Don’t make something up like your ex is back or you’re unwell like some have suggested. He will know it’s an excuse. It’s literally a few hours after he sent a close up photo and suddenly you can’t make it. I know sometimes real coincidences happen, but unless he’s a bit simple, he’ll likely put 2+2 together and fill in the blanks. Just be honest. You can’t expect someone to be honest with you if you’re not willing to uphold the same standard.

You don’t even need go all in and tell him you don’t find him attractive, because frankly, the fact he appears to have lied about his appearance up until now is a red flag in itself. He’s been chatting to you for the last week not being honest about what he looks like and has obviously revealed a true representation now because he knows many women would be too nice to reject him at this stage.

Just tell him you feel like he’s been dishonest with you so you think it’s best you don’t meet up now because honesty matters in a partner blah blah blah.

In the unlikely event he doesn’t work it out for himself, you being honest about why you no longer want to meet him in no uncertain terms might make him think twice about pulling a similar stunt with someone else. Plus, if he lives in your town he may ask you out again if he thinks you were just ill or realises it didn’t work out when you gave your ex another go.

He's a complete stranger, you owe him absolutely nothing and you are allowed to not to find him attractive. Just cancel.