Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

If this was a man who was catfished they'd call the woman catfish all kinds of names

But since a man is catfishing the woman is called shallow for not proceeding to meet someone who deceived her

Classic patriarchy

If he starts off a relationship deceitful it will only escalate

I used that excuse when I met a bloke and really didn’t fancy him so texted him couple days later with this!

Go. We want to hear how you couldn't stop looking at his earring the entire time 😂

I feel your pain. Been there, done that. Turned up and they looked nothing like their photos. It’s such a waste of your time and effort.

Eh??? What an odd comment

Something similar happened to me in reverse about 10 years ago. I matched with a guy on Tinder who looked gorgeous in his pictures, and was just my type.

We chatted for a few weeks and even spoke on the phone a couple of times, so before we met in person, I had a really good feeling about him. He had a lovely voice, was very well-spoken, and had a great sense of humour.

I was really excited to meet him for our first date because I felt we had hit it off so well already.

When I walked into the place we were meeting for our date, I actually walked past him and didn’t realise it was him sitting there until he called my name. I played it cool and made some silly excuse for why I didn’t see him, but OMG, he looked nothing like his pictures.

The thing is, he didn’t use filters or augment them in any way. They were all relatively recent and close up, but somehow he had managed to take them at an angle that just made him look completely different. It still baffles me to this day 😂.

Not only did he look different, but the guy was an utter weirdo. The stories I could tell about that creep should feature in some kind of PSA about online dating.

Anyway, all that to say, pictures and even chatting online aren’t always an accurate representation of someone.

In your case, I would go on the date and see how it goes. If you’re still not feeling it, then it’s fine to say so - that’s what dating is for.

There’s obviously a reason you felt inclined to meet him in the first place.

From your posts you clearly don't want to meet him. That's your perogative. You can either lie and make something up to help protect his feelings or tell him the truth that you don't like the look of him, potentially hurt him and accept that you'll come across as shallow 🤷

He posted distant pictures and has now given her a closer picture prior to meeting up. After a week of chatting. That's not catfishing.

🤣🤣

Just say beards and earrings aren’t your cup of tea, so on reflection you’d best cancel.

As he's said he has recently grown the beard it gives you an opportunity to say something. I would go with:

Thanks for the pic. I'm going to be honest, I'm not a fan of facial hair, how attached to it are you? If it's a permanent addition then I think there's probably not a lot of point in us meeting. Sorry to be blunt but I don't want to waste your time"

Then see what he says.

Well it is in a way, because I can’t tell it’s the same person in his photos.

I once watched someone on a large laptop screen alter his pictures and ask for help with text responses as he sat at the table right next to me on a train.

I felt so sorry for the person on the other end of that text conversation.

Just text him first thing tomorrow, say you’ve slept on it, want to cancel and good luck with whatever is next for him.

I don't think so. They just talked for a week. If OP wanted to see him closer, she could have asked rather than settle for distant photos. He's fronted up with a close one before the point of meeting. I'd give it a go but, if OP doesn't want to, then she needs to bow out graciously. I suspect he's a bit insecure, or preferred the photos as they showed a context for what he was doing. I might do that to show a bit about who I am and for a bit of privacy. Close ups of me aren't so exciting. They can see more if we are going to meet up.

My coworker had one of these turn up on a date. Turned out the picture was 8 years old.
Because she was soooo nice and 'not shallow'; she stupidly went on 4 more dates before calling it a day 🙄.

Ooh that’s a tough one! What’s the betting if you go and it’s awful, you start running into him all the time?! Personally I would loathe the stubble and earring, but I would probably still meet him to see. You never know, you might get on, and if you say you don’t care for them he may admit he doesn’t either but was just trying something new? (Happened with me when a man I was dating grew a beard - I told him it was the beard or me - he shaved it off that day).
Buy then, I’m aware that whilst I’m ok in real life (a decent 5/10 usually), in photos I’m a 3/10 at best, and usually worse!

You are not shallow. You just don’t fancy him. He knew precisely what he was doing. Don’t endorse this manipulative nonsense. You owe him nothing. Just block and move on.

I would say “you seem really nice but I’m struggling with whiskers and earring thing as they remind me of someone who is rather not be reminded of”

stop the press, a ear ring and beard is more important than a nice personality

Eww. That is gross.
I don't mind a beard, but using that terminology reminds me of my dad - Yuk.

Tell him you've been posting stuff about him on the Internet to get opinions about him . He won't turn up .

Sorry OP, but this comment after your previous "I have standards" made me laugh 😆

I would give him a chance. In my experience men often seem to 1. take terrible photos (especially selfies) and 2. Not realise that the photos they've taken are terrible. He might just be quite unphotogenic.

Maybe he'll make more of an effort with his appearance if he meets you in person. And if he doesn't, bin him off.

Well if he had been honest from the start, I wouldn’t have needed to post stuff on the internet.

This reminds me of a guy who came to look round my flat share. He didn't take the room but asked me out. Therefore I had met him in person, in daylight, sober. This is important.

When I turned up on our date he was absolutely awful! I have no idea what I thought I was doing 🙈 He was minging, short and his chat was complaining about everything. One soft drink and excuses made.

So you can be forgiven for agreeing to see a man off a blurry photo but a recent one being a turn off is completely understandable.

You could meet but relegate your plans to a coffee - probably kinder and makes you look better if you then say that you don't think you're a good match (rather than basing on looks alone)

Or you can make some sort of family thing/getting back with ex/sorry I can't make it type excuse.

OR you could not worry what he thinks and just be honest. Given that you feel so strongly and have said you CAN'T meet him now, I think you owe it to yourself and him to just call it off.

Hi XXX. I appreciate you sharing the most recent picture - to be honest I wouldn't have recognised you from the previous pictures you'd shared - it's quite different! I am going to be honest and say that beards and earrings are not really my thing. It might seem shallow but I'm at a point where I don't want to waste your time or mine, so I think it's best we just call tomorrow off. I hope you meet someone soon. All the best.