Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Yes, and our looks can change a lot. Sometimes we lose or gain weight, and illness can change someone from a supermodel into a person who might get nasty comments about their looks. A friend's partner put on 5 stone after a medical event, and his skin is awful from the meds (his words!). If she dumped him, wouldn't we all think that's bad (we would surely criticise a man for walking out in a similar situation)?
So if anyone is looking for a permanent relationship, looks surely shouldn't be the most important thing?

That's not the same though is it? She had been with him for years and loved him for who he was. He wasn't just some guy on a dating app.

I've nothing to add to this, but wanted to say a big "thank you" for the chuckles before bed. I'm laughing out loud, with my parrots copying me particularly at the artwork in this post. I'd have been out at "bald", so whiskers and earrings wouldn't get a look in! Fair play to you for being honest with him.

Some men have no sense of what is a good picture of themselves at all. My beautiful husband regularly sends me pictures of his double chin which doesn't actually exist in real life.

Maybe meet for an hour and then get away. Up to you but I'm a believer in real life encounters over online ones.

i’m not doubting he could be a nice person, but do I just have to settle with “nice”?
let me put it this way if I met a really handsome guy online who was everything I’m looking for in the looks department, but later I found out he smoked, vaped or any other annoying habits, I couldn’t be with him, but do I just settle with him because he’s nice?
Maybe I am looking for me perfect, maybe I will never find him, but I won’t give up trying.

😀 I never realised this thread would be so entertaining, I was crying drawing them drawings 😂 wish I could have heard your parrots 😂

What kind of parrots do you have? Give them kisses from me.

@chocolatemuffin75 how does it feel to have the Parrot Seal of Approval for your thread? 😀

...but is that because he keeps you locked in a dark cubicle under the stairs?! 🤔😶

ETA: I hear you... my DH is the scruffiest man in the world. But in OP's case, the hoop earring adds a level of vanity/adornment that hints at really poor taste. I can imagine him sending a padded Valentine's card trimmed with lace 🤮

🦜 shall I rename this thread parrot seal of approval 😂

Couldn’t think of anything worse 😂

Are you suggesting that OP not use a chat forum for its intended function? Maybe you have a list of pre-approved topics we can post about

I'd block him, definitely don't reply. There's no point in dragging out the communication when you're very clear on the fact you don't want to see him. (I'm very brutal with the block button, however, so my advice might not suit everyone 😂)

I find it really depressing that you’re saying you don’t want to meet this guy and have then been guilt tripped and criticised all the way through this thread for not being kind: for being judgemental and for being shallow.

OP is allowed to have standards. its crap like this that makes women feel compelled to act against instinct or desire, you can all stick your be kind pish in the bin. She is allowed to be as discerning as she wishes. We do not have to be kind when choosing a potential partner - unfortunately we need to be on our guard and listen to our instincts.

Personally I’d have no business with somebody who is clearly deceitful- to me that’s a massive red flag - and in fact when internet dating 20 years ago, I did ditch someone who had lied about his age, height and putup very old blurry photos. He was good looking and cool company in the flesh but I felt manipulated and couldn’t get past that.

The thing is I’ve noticed he’s removed those far away photos and kept two close up ones of him, I did message him saying it would have been better if you had posted them in the first place, save both our time and embarrassment, he replied he can’t see what he’s done wrong, further confirmation he wouldn’t be an ideal partner.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous posts I have ever read on Mumsnet.

It is. Trying to make people feel bad for wanting to be attracted to their partner is really odd.

I have spent a full five minutes laughing at those drawings OP so thank you for that! 😂

Glad I made you laugh 😂

the posters guilt tripping the OP are hilarious. Is thar offended men who think they are owed date because they are nice guys, or women who never allowed themselves to date based on both looks AND personality and not just personality alone?

yes, a woman is allowed to value not just personality. But also looks, physical attraction and financial situation (and political views, or whether he reads books, or outdoorsy or whatever else she values).

Not to mention ironic!

i highly doubt you have the looks of a super model and the intelligence of einstiene yourself...i think hes gonna have a lucky escape from a superficial princess

There are so, so many reasons why this post and its accompanying username are hilarious, and you won't know any of them.

😂😂 superficial princess don’t make me laugh
and what has my intelligence got to do with me not wanting to date scruffy looking men?? Surely if I wasn’t intelligent I wouldn’t be able to make the decision not to meet him?? Think you need to have a look at yourself love

Sorry, the intelligence of who??