Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Don't meet him - it's a waste of time for both of you.

I know but it’s a bit late.

Dear xx I am sorry but the person you were meeting has emigrated suddenly to Dubai

Or Yemen.

1 Yemen Road, I presume…

Here’s the thing: you can have someone who is ‘Your Type’ AND treats you well. It’s not an either/or.

We really don’t have to settle for an arsehole just because he happens to be hot, and neither do we have to settle for someone who we’re not physically attracted to just because he’s a nice person.

Seriously, some people need to raise their bar. Just because someone ‘treats you well’ that doesn’t mean you have to want to fuck them.

I know men who are the loveliest men you could hope to meet, but who I do not and could not find physically attractive, ever.

I’ve also known men who are very physically attractive (to me) who I wouldn’t want a relationship with in a thousand years.

It’s totally fine to be single until you find someone who ticks both boxes. It’s not the 18th century. You’re not going to be shunned as a spinster if you don’t meet someone by a certain age.

I'd reply, sorry I hate facial hair, so I'll give this meet up a miss. Good luck with the dating app.

I see my reply got deleted. Ok. Let me rephrase. I personally find it bizarre that anyone bases anyones worth on how they look in 2026. He could be a really nice person. Very superficial thinking. As an older single person - you've really got to widen your net IF you're hoping to meet someone.

I can only say that if I’d had to “swipe” left or right or whatever the way is on my DH? I’d have ditched him on sight of his photo. And I’m not being malicious and he knows I think that.
If I’d had to choose him from a picture, I simply wouldn’t have. But if I’d done that, I’d have missed out on 25 really good years so far!
And no, there is nothing wrong with my “bar”! He’s a good man and once I got to know him? Totally hot, to me. And 25 yrs on, still is!

At what point in human existence do you think people will stop wanting to be attracted to partners? I know what year it is, but I gotta say that I don't think we are going to evolve out of sexual attraction any time soon. And that's not objective "worth", but it's pretty key for a sexual or romantic relationship. Far stranger that you think it's "bizarre".

I think the point is, I can see a person I find physically attractive, then spend 5 minutes in his company and find that he’s not? I can also see someone who I don’t think is physically attractive, spend 5 minutes with him and find that he is? Looks really don’t have THAT much to do with it..

Dunno. 'Mine' had sleeve tattoos and a beard to rival ZZ Top. The lorry driver thing on top was too much.

I feel the same. Every person I’ve ever fallen for I haven’t found immediately attractive. I’ve got to know them as friends first. However, I will caveat that by saying there is a baseline. I couldn’t date some I thought was objectively ugly. They need to be at least quite plain/average. If they’re objectively unattractive to me then no amount niceness could persuade me otherwise.

The issue isn’t the photos, it’s the fact that he’s deceitful

Women are allowed to want to feel physical attraction to the man they're having sex with.

Op he might also not be very photogenic. Im not and I look awful in pics but nothing how I look in real life. Seriously pics can be deceiving , and some ppl look really good in pics and don't look the same in rl...

Looks don’t have that much to do with it - for YOU. OP may feel differently.

Or she may feel that whiskers and a hoop earring would be deal breakers on even the most conventional heartthrob. I wouldn’t kick Brad Pitt out of bed for eating crisps, but I would for smoking. We are all allowed autonomy on these things!

Love the assumptions.

OP is on a dating site for a reason, so the fairground ride comment is irrelevant.

She doesn’t owe Mr Hoop anything. The responses I’m getting just for suggesting OP give a human who’s not her normal type a chance to potentially treat her right is madness.

An earring Aand beard won’t disappear though. 😂

I didn’t say OP HAD TO give Mr Hoop a chance, but perhaps maybe a suggestion as looks and personality can differ.

Well no... 😂😂😂😂😂

Agreed.

Don't engage with him further @chocolatemuffin75

Ah, come back here to find some posters are still regarding any woman who has ever had the temerity to actually fancy a man or find him sexually attractive as superficial. 😂 🙄

Well colour me superficial! I still fancy my 62 year old silver fox DH, and I'm glad I don't have to get drunk and wear a blindfold when I have sex with him.

I'll leave Quasimodo to those that are less shallow than I. You're welcome.

If you’re to settle for someone you can’t stand the thought of having sex with just because you’re desperate for a relationship and think you’re too old to find someone who is nice and physically attractive to you, that’s fine. You crack on.

But it isn’t ‘bizarre’ that other people feel that a successful relationship requires a degree of physical attraction as well as being nice and are happy to be discerning about that. Finding someone physically attractive doesn’t necessarily mean they’re conventionally good-looking, of course, but it does mean there’s something about them that makes you a) enjoy looking at them and b) want to touch them. Personally, I don’t feel that’s a great deal to ask.

Exactly @BauhausOfEliott

"Attractive" doesn't have to mean "objectively gorgeous to absolutely everyone", just "attractive to me".