Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

He has changed his photo today because he knows you had no idea what he looked like. Now you do, and you he isn't your cup of tea. Fair enough! I think the kindest way to let him down would be to wait until tomorrow morning and say something like you have a sore throat and start of a cold and so you are going to have to reschedule. And then just never do.

He’s a liar and he knows he is

no this was yesterday, I was due to meet him this afternoon, but I messaged him saying I don’t believe we are compatible.

Jack Sparrow look makes me think of Russel Brand. Yuck !!

I had a date with a man with stubble, earring, rugby shirt and trainers 🤑

I knew from the off he wasn't my type due to all these things.

We've been together now for 35 years.

I thought it was Uncle Fester.

Oooooooooh, let us know what he says. (I am invested now!)

Is it too soon to nominate this for Classics?!

She has - at 0925 today.

He’s just replied saying
“oh the whiskers put you off?”

that would be funny 😀

That’s the point of online dating you match with people you think you will be attracted to, and compatible with. No point clicking on people with traits that aren’t attractive to you. Im sure whiskers man will be snapped up soon, by a lady keen on beards! OP I’ve done online dating in the past, and men are so much worse at filtering out women, based physical traits they don’t like, from photos alone! They rarely give them ‘a chance’ just to see if they have an amazing personality. It’s whiskers man fault for having a blurry photo

Actually you didn't need to post anything on the Internet because you potentially feel or want us to believe he was dishonest rather than him just being a bit uncertain about himself possibly lacking in confidence. You really didn't need to post anything and could just have messaged him saying something has come up with family/work or whatever and you can't meet him anymore without mentioning anything about his appearance being off-putting to you personally. He will find someone who likes his whiskers/stubble and earring. And you will find someone who more appropriately pleases your eye.

Not great with logic, are you.

Where did I say anything about not having a spark? Or ignoring that part of it? You don’t need to be someone’s type to have a connection

A lot of posters are falling over themselves to defend and deny using make-up etc to enhance or conceal their appearance. It's not necessary. That, too, is a patriarchal trap.
The male equivalent is showering, shaving, well-maintained hair, nicely dressed (including shoes), deodorant, cologne, well-kept physique, manners, etc.
Putting effort into one's appearance with best foot forward is not new and nothing to be ashamed of.
If a person cannot put any effort into their dating profile it tells you everything you need to know.

That really wasn’t my aim at all, people can feel or believe whatever they want, and if he was lacking in confidence I don’t think he would have posted his new photo right before a meet up. I was just looking for opinions I guess.

They don’t have to be your type to have a connection.

What if ‘Your Type’ treated you terribly, cheated repeatedly, and Mr Not Your Type is devoted and worships the floor you walk on?

Basically saying not every nice looking/attractive person is as nice on the inside.

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

True but there has to be a level of sexual chemistry in a relationship, and I don’t feel I would have this with this man.

God help and forgive me.

Women do not have to waste their wild and precious lives giving men "a chance".

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

A chance at what? She's not attracted to him. She doesn't owe a bloke a go at a date like she's a fairground ride, just because he's asked and he might be nice.

I’m going to repost what I posted earlier - it is not a positive for Mr Hoop to go on a date with someone who doesn’t want to be on that date. It’s a waste of his time too, when he could be chatting to a woman who is attracted to him. Or meeting his mates for a pint, or watching a film, or whatever he finds enjoyable.

The goal of OLD is not to go on as many dates as possible with people who aren’t keen to be there. It’s surely better to go on fewer dates, each of which at least start with a decent probability of success (however you define that - a connection, a second date, a shag, a relationship)

Did you meet him via OLD?

Some of the replies on this are insane and just designed to be provoactive.

What makes a relationship different from a friendship is sex. Sex is about attraction. A big part of attraction is about what someone looks like. If you are going to say that's shallow then all sexual attraction is shallow.

If you found someone repulsive physically then it wouldn't matter how sparkling their conversation is. Anyone's individual turn offs are perfectly fine no matter what they are. It's the one area in life where how you feel about it is always going to be your decision and doesn't need to be reasonable or logical.

As an adult you know yourself and you know what bothers you and what wouldn't. @chocolatemuffin75 knew this guy wasn't for her so she'd be wasting time hers and his going to see him. She did the right thing.

I’d tell him that I was pognophobic.

I can’t explain it but those type of earrings and piercings always look totally manky to me.

I know they are not but my brain just think they look filthy.

Earrings of any type on a guy is a no for me.

No idea why.