To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

Glad I'm not the only one🤣

I look much better when I leave the tape over the camera by mistake...

And why do those attractive colleagues still look attractive...like glamorous presenters... which is why the guys in the office fancy them.

I'm the Raggy doll... where's that reject pile🤣

I am more dimpled and jowly than Mick Jagger. I FaceTime my MUM and she looks better than me.

I used to be sexy FFS.

I thought this the other day about my big nose! I thought why has noone ever told me

Lots of complaints about big noses - seriously it's probably foreshortening from sitting too close to the camera.

I really want to know how to turn myself into a potato, like the American boss. Anything better than my current self. When can we just all have virtual skins. We could identify as literally anything

When I am concentrating hard in a meeting I unfortunately adopt the facial expression of the keyboard player in Sparks

I'm so glad I don't have to do this, I feel for all of you. In my mind I am the slim, jowl-free me of my 20s. Then I look in the mirror, and the horror! I have a largish nose and my skin isn't good but because the hairdressers are shut I now have nan hair too. When I put on make up and wear something nice I swish through town thinking I look fab then I catch sight ofa fat middle aged woman with a severe expression in a reflective surface and I could cry! What happened to my face? Everything is all saggy and if I dont wear make up I look like a sad potato. With nan hair.

dd rang me for zoom this afternoon - I had been in the (very windy) garden - so my unconditioned over grown greying uncombed windswept frizzy mop - I am contemplating ordering a grey hairnet with clips from Amazon or boots - I might as well go the whole hog & go a la Ena Sharples (complete with curlers) db gs is a tough cookie I don't know how this apparition doesn't scare him!

And buying nano blur. I look like shit. It’s symbolic of the whole pandemic. Good people got better, arseholes became c words, the pretty look even better on Zoom and the average looking suddenly looked like their mothers (with added turkey neck ). Urgh

Op your not the only one looking like a cunt

I've just had a failed root canal tooth abscess near the front of my mouth (canine) 😫 and it had to be removed after a month of antibiotics and I now can't get a replacement until covid is over.

Other than filling the hole with a giant tic tac to resemble a tooth of some sort I'm instead walking around looking like I've been eating crack for breakfast.

I'm trying to source a mask to hide my dodgy tooth hole. I don't care about the mask protecting myself from the virus it's the front tooth I need protecting from!

Hideous!

Or I might resurrect this look. Doubles as PPE. Winning!

Thank god it's not just me this has happened to !!!

My eyebrows have become invisible. As has my upper lip. I don't 'do' makeup, so it's going to have to be the only thing I have to hand, a dry marker pen and a fluorescent highlighter.

So tomorrow I will have eyebrows like a couple of brackets on a marketing stat sheet and a mouth like a Carry On nurse.

OMG the "I look like thumb comments" have seriously done me.

I'm scarlet. I mean I'm not, but I am on Zoom. I look like I've conferences in from the sun.

I was also to join and didn't realise that everyone else would get dolled up and angle their laptops, so I looked like a bright red dufus and they're all like "yar, just sipping my Prosecco as filmed from the top of the bookcase in moody low lighting".

The trick is to only zoom on your mobile and use a gooseneck clamp. Place it so you look slightly up into the camera. Sit 'side saddle' and look slightly to your right/left depending on what is comfortable. You will look slimmer and goodbye chins.

(Vaseline on the camera lens for mood).

old joke - I look best after a bath, when the mirror is steamed up
Wait! theres a thought have the zoom in the bathroom just after you have had a shower or run a hot shower (everybody will be ring either the police (because they think you are going to be murdered as in Psycho) or the fire service

Yeah this is how it is.

Luckily I’m only on audio calls not visual, working from home.

But hearing the echo on speakerphone has made me realise I sound like a 7 year old and not a serious professional middle aged woman.

Thankyou, for this thread, seriously, I'm wheezing and DP is looking at me oddly,
Keyboard player from Sparks!!!!
I've found my people. Ive never Facetimed and now have to once a week for work . I hate my right face side so have wedged it against the bookcase before to Facetime

Eee you lot are so funny! Nothing to add as fortunately I don't have to go through this but thanks for the laughs!...

I look really, really grumpy if I don't smile so I have to look like I'm permanently smirking or just go with the severe grumpy look. And I have jowls, I don't know when they turned up. And my voice, in my head, sounds quite deep and neutral, and in real life sounds like Catherine Tate's character Lauren but more squeaky. I was happier in blissful ignorance.

@Gingernaut @artistformerlyknownas. @MaudBaileysGreenTurban absolutely pissing myself thanks so much for the cheer up! First rule of filming- only ever from above, looking down on you. It makes my massive forehead even more blinding but gives me the appearance of a chin.

I second pushing the laptop further away, even if you look the same you can't see your own image as much!

I like to sit with a window behind me so I'm nicely back lit and a bit fuzzy.

I had wondered if I'd need to start wearing makeup for these daily meetings but in the first week my manager video called me when I'd got wet hair, no makeup and big spots. It was awful but at least the bar was set very low for future meetings.

Think this should be nominated for Classics but can't remember how. It's made me laugh anyway.

Just report OP & request

I AM my long-departed grandmother.