I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Thigh that probably only works for mannequins. I recommend an integral garage or a really big fire. Or they did a thing on the telly where they encased people in haunted wax or something and turned them into statues in Santa’s grotto. Try that maybe?

thigh (and co) I know you're very busy and tired an all after the Laska dramas.

Laska I'm so glad you're born free again and saved yourself by the lore of thigh and you must be very tired and all lied down now I hope.

BUT I need help it's an SOS ... I am lying down but my friend is terminally active and trying to motivate me to do exercises for improvement!!!!

I am enjoying it in thighland and do not want to move out and exercise for improvement I want to lie down and eat a job lot of Monster Munch (roast beef over here) and just drink wine an shizz and unravel and enjoy my reverse improvement to the max.

But I do like my friend, is there any way I could motivate HER to be more thigh and join me in my quest for reverse improvement ?

Dangly this does sound like an emergency. Could you explain Thighland to her? Tell her how wonderful it is to do what you want, when you want. To put yourself first and last and everything in between. How we're early to bed, late to rise and nap then rest throughout the day.

We scoff at romance, duty, obligation, dieting, unnecessary movement, societal constraints. We have no shackles we bellow "it's not cool to be cool" and we do belief driving in cars with Born Free as a siren.

If she says "but what about my glutes" after you have explained.......

Thank you oh thigh bows to resonating wisdom

I shall copy and past your reply for her to read. Only a really insane psychopath could resist!

Exactly Dangly where would it end? Best you find out now before she puts you in a disused well and lowers body lotion down to you in a little basket then says "it puts the lotion on it's skin".

Think ahead.

Yes yes!! Makes perfect sense!!

Thigh (sorry Dangly but I'm going to be selfish), I have followed since the Beginning when you helped me with achy knees.

I have been getting shizzed out all week, thus making me feel thoroughly discombobulated and a bit ancient Chinese Dictatorish as you so expertly spotted.

The problems stem from the DH who has put himself down for a nap since last Saturday on account of Man Flu, and his imminent death.

Thus the delightful teenish/kiddult range of off spring have been knocking around loose and largely unsupervised or fed while I was interrupted by 'work' which rudely did not have 'half-term'.

I have bunked off 'work' tomorrow but may have to do something that will not contain much lying down opportunity and also prevent the integral garage/river/plastic sheet option happening for at least another 24 hours.

How best to combine the lying down/doing something with the sprats?

Exactly the "exercise" was probably a ruse to see what size your top is and how suitable your skin is to be fashioned into clothing.

You are not a dress!

Ah, bit late to thread maybe?

DH and I seem to have morphed into boring hermits recently the last few years and we're only early 30's. Currently slobbing out on the sofa, both in extremely not sexy PJ's. DH has fallen asleep watching his programme, and I'm just on here.

How do we inject some fun and passion back into us?

Naked get a piñata and fill it with pennies from your coin jar (doesn't have to be legal currency).

Give your "children" (ugh) iron bars each and lock them outside in the garden. They should spend most of the day unconscious.

Should they need medical treatment they use the pennies as bus fare.

Thigh agreed!! She needs a trip to the integral garage!

naked it's ok to be selfish, "it is wonderful to do what you want, when you want. To put yourself first and last and everything in between!"

Popping why would you do that, you are very perfectly Thigh just as you are.

Hellen went outside yesterday and said it was terrible. Laska was trafficked and sold.

Stay indoors and just lie down. Don't open the door.

Popping don't be silly you are doing it RIGHT!! - DO NOT CHANGE A THING, relax and be more thigh, probably could improve with a few more snacks but you're near enough there. Keep yourself lied down!

Thislido very wise, your "friend" sounds like a weirdo see above re Dangly and the well. Walking up hills? Disgusted.

A stunning solution.

She who knows, and knows that she knows, she is a Thighswoman, follow her.

Is it actually better, in the long run, to dry my hair with a Dyson hairdryer rather than to simply let it dry naturally? I am usually impervious to marketing, but it's starting to have an effect! For complete transparency I do not currently use a hairdryer or any heat products on my bonce?

Smartiepants why are you washing your hair so much? Follow the thighway and reverse improve by less washing of hair.

But I am led to believe that the more I wash, n dry with Dyson, the greater improvement in overall hair quality, length, colour, thickness, style, attractiveness score, so more swipe rights... is that right?... Its not left is it? more sex appeal and general life improvements will be gained, bargain at 300 quids for directed room air.

smartipants

kill 2 birds with one stone here....
wash hair in the river
pick up a fuckboy

forget drying hair.
spend 300 quids on lots of other stuff. buy a slanket for lying down.

smartipants you risk attracting a husband. From experience I can tell you they are hard to shake off. Best not.

thighofrelief

I have never had a house with a garage , nor a lawn. How would you suggest I could dispose of Dh ( were it ever to become A Thing. ) Not urgent - just for future reference ( also no power tools )

I've forced my eyes open with toothpicks so that I may continue to read you dilemmas and solve them using the Wisdom of Thigh.
The first thing I read is a plea for help from Thigh herself, after witnessing chocolate being mutilated with kale. The horrors of the REAL WORLD continue to astound me. Even Oriental 2nd in commands never stooped to this level of evil.
We have much work to do, my Thriends

Smartipants, I see you have already received wise advice. But nobody has questioned why you were using a Dyson in the first place. Dyson's inventions are anti-Thigh. They promote "housework" and "cleanliness" and you run the risk of contacting "guests".
Thislido cleverly highlighted the risk of attracting a "husband" using Dyson evil machines
Thigh is the expert on 20th century dictators, she may have more to add

Basilisk, I'm wondering if the audacious plan of MysticReg might just be adapted to fit your desperate situation. "WHAT?" you cry. "Use garbage bags and parcel tape? Are you going mad, Getting? What about the forensics?"
You say it's for future reference... Can you survive until after Christmas? I've seen posts on Facebook (glorious invention, perfectly designed for LYING DOWN and DOING NOTHING), where people have wrapped unwanted Christmas trees in garbage bags and parcel tape and made them out to look like dead bodies. Could the reverse work for you?