How do you adjust to life as a lone parent?

[sittingonacornflake]

So I'm a bit of an emotional wreck and relying quite heavily on my MN crutch at the moment.

DP is moving out this weekend so I will be a lone parent to our baby. I'm a FTM and although I had thought I'd be doing quite well the reality is I'm hugely anxious since having had our baby and I'm so so so so scared of being the only adult in the house and having sole responsibility for him.

Any tips on how to adjust to life from being in a relationship to suddenly being a lone parent?

How do you cope with the evenings when baby has gone to bed? I'm so scared about how lonely I'll be.

What do you do over night if baby becomes unwell or you're unsure of anything?

How do you find happiness again?

@Spanglyprincess1
How are you doing? Hope you got through Christmas okay.

Yeah we are okay. Dp is back and we're trying to sort stuff out for babys sake if nothing else. Still proving hard.
Thanks for everyone's support on here, it's nice to not feel alone.

Happy New Year Ladies

I have just gone back right to the start of this thread and i must say we are all doing so well and im proud of us for how far we have come, sending you all hugs :)

It will be coming up to 5 months since the split and i feel like im doing really well, i have had no recent breakdowns and im doing well in counselling. Children are doing good, little one is coming up to terrible 2's so i just need to work on my patience with him, as if he carries on he wont make it to his second birthday, me, the cat and my older DS are fed up with him at the minute :(

I just need some help on how to handle my ex, anytime he upsets me/goads me, i need to not rise to it and give him the satisfaction of a reaction, anyone got any tips on that, i normally end up shouting at kicking him out of my house, and then i think he prob goes home to his GF and says she has gone off again.
example of what he does,,,, answers the phone while he is at mine, GF on the phone, has a full convo in front of me, when he could take it outside. wants to come to my house with new GF in car to pick the kids up,, i know they dont sound too bad but i think its inappropriate for now, give me some time for god sake.
Says,,, can i wash the kids clothes better as they smell damp, i went mad and said when he gets the kids he can collect and do their washing too, cheeky bastard, im trying to work full time, raise 2 kids, cook, clean wash etc he loves sticking the boot in any time he can.
how can i not rise to it....

Still seeing the guy, but nothing has changed, seeing each other once a week, cuddles and films etc., no pressure or drama there.
plans for 2019, do up the house, get fitter and tighten up my spending also. But the most important thing im going to do is be kind to myself and not beat myself up about things, wish me luck :)

how are you getting on, when do you go back to work?

Oh EX happened to mention to me on Christmas day that he was going round her mums for Christmas dinner and they were both going back to hers after and getting stoned,,,, Great he is really living his best life isnt he :)

Hi all, sorry I've really neglected this thread lately. I hope you're all still around!

How is everyone doing?

@Lorddenning1 I have perfected the art of not rising to ex. To his face, I put on a MASSIVE smile, ask him about his life, act super pleased for him and act really chilled out and happy and healthy. I now know from a drunken phone call I had off him that it's driving him mad - which really gives me the motivation to keep going! Plus as soon as he is gone I just bitch and moan about him to anyone who will listen. Hope that helps 😁

Evening ladies, I've been meaning to post. Hope you're having good weekends @sittingonacornflake and @Lorddenning1

I'm having a crap day today. I find the weekends on my own so hard. I can't find the right balance for me and the kids. I know my daughter needs some time at home without any visitors but I struggle without any company and I have to use the tv and iPad far more than I would like to keep her busy while I settle the baby for a nap/have a shower etc. Then she starts being naughty because she has been sat still for too long. I know it's not her fault but I really struggle to keep my temper.

I guess I'm in the opposite position to you both. My ex very much wants to come back and hasn't really accepted it's over, even though his behaviour has so clearly been unreasonable. We still function quite well as a parenting team so on weekends like this, I'm almost tempted to let him come back but I'm going to keep strong. He has lied, cheated and broken the law, I do not want my kids to grow up with that in their daily lives.

It's gotta get easier right? Single parenting of a preschooler and a baby has got to be hardest stage to cope on my own, right?

@unexpectednewstart hell yes it's going to get easier, do not worry!!!! You are literally breaking through the hardest toughest bit now. You will fine your rhythm / swing of things and things will just click into place soon enough. But for now DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT A BIT OF SCREEN TIME. It's not like you're using screens so you can sit on your own in the kitchen necking gin! It's so that you can parent everyone. You're doing amazing and you're stronger than you think.

Good evening ladies

@unexpectednewstart you sound like your doing a good job to me, you are so strong, it must be really hard to raise 2 small children on your own, I have 2 but mine are 7 and 2 so a bit older, but to go through what u have in such a short space of time and still hold it together, I take my hat of to you I really do.

@sittingonacornflake You sound brighter and quite happy, how's things going for you.

I have been signed off counselling now as I don't need it now :) I'm better :) this weekend has been a big step forward for me, I met his new girlfriend and I was ok with it, felt a bit weird when I dropped my kids off at hers (they are living together now) and my 7 yr old insisting I met her, so I just said hello and that was it, driving home felt weird tho as I had just left my family with her and it just seems a bit weird, I soon got over it though and didn't dwell on it.
He has had them for the whole weekend which is nice and he has taken them out to a playcentre and and then to a trampoline park the next day, the kids have had a ball. We are getting on well at the minute, we called a truce the other week as I was sick of the drama, don't get me wrong I still tell him when he is being a prick but I don't yell anymore and get worked up. I feel like we are working together for the children.

Developments with the new guy, I think I'm falling for him :( I'm just going to take it slow and see how it goes. We have gone exclusive and he is ok with meeting my parents in the next few months, but I'm afraid to bring up the where are we convo, I'm trying to go at his pace and not put any pressure on him and let it development naturally, really scared of getting hurt but I think that's the risk in all relationships really, look at us for example.
What do you think ladies, do you think I'm mental :(

Ooh @Lorddenning1 congratulations. Sounds very exciting with new man. You've got to take risks with these types of things or you'll always be on your own (not that there is anything wrong with that). Just relax and enjoy. Being exclusive is so nice, takes the pressure off wondering what else you both might be up to...

Also glad you and ex are getting on. I bet that feels like a weight has been lifted.

I am doing really well thank you! I'm seriously just so happy and enjoying life at the moment it's brilliant. DS' dad is still a twit though. Sees DS for 30 minutes once a week. Asked for an extra half an hour last week because he had the week off work and he bloody forgot to come! But you know what whilst DS is this little he is completely oblivious to how shite his dad is so i can just put up with the let downs for now whilst it's not affecting him. I don't know what i will do when he's older though....

Hello ladies,
How are you doing @sittingonacornflake and @Lorddenning1 ?

I realised that it's almost a month since I last posted. I think the fact that we're also posting less is probably a positive sign that we're all settling into the new normal.

I'm okay. A bit like you @sittingonacornflake I am enjoying some bits of my life a lot. I love my kids so much and find them so rewarding. My 3 year old seems to be settled into the new normal and I've worked hard at my approach to discipline (less shouty, more acknowledging her feelings) and things feel a bit calmer at home.

My ex is still a challenge at times and there's no update in his legal situation so it's still a long while until he'll be able to take on a normal father role.

I find the best approach @Lorddenning1 is to be really calm and reasonable with my ex. It winds him up no end that I'm managing without him. It's the best revenge, but also best for the kids.

When are you back to work after mat leave @sittingonacornflake ?

How are things with your new man @Lorddenning1 ? Great that you've already been signed off from your counselling.

Looking forward to hearing how you both are.

Hi @unexpectednewstart lovely to hear from you! And for once my email notification that I've been mentioned in a post came into my inbox and not my junk mail so I actually say it this time!

Very pleased to hear how well you are doing and settling into the new normal. It's a shame the legal situation with your ex remains unresolved but I imagine everywhere else in your / your children's lives is now seeing the dust settle. It's nice to hear that things are calmer. A calm home does so help doesn't it?

I'm doing really well thank you. Mat leave has technically just ended but I'm taking some annual leave before I return just before Easter so I'm really trying to savour every day at the moment as I don't have long left!

Ex has been in a new relationship, nearly moved in with new lady and then dumped her meanwhile has tried repeatedly to get back together with me. I've kicked him to the kerb so many times now I've lost track. I'm just trying to keep things upbeat and friendly with him so that he could never use me as an excuse as to why he barely sees DS. He's really shite in that department and I do so hope for DS's sake that this improves when DS gets older.

Hoping that @Lorddenning1 is also doing good.

I absolutely love this thread -- I hope you're all remembering to re-read your starting posts, to see how far you've come.

I'm married again now but I was a single mum for 6 years, and it was honestly one of the best times in my life, after the initial pain. I lost tonnes of weight, moved my cousin in for a few months, discovered a whole raft of new hobbies and interests... It was a transformational period.

You're all doing so, so well. You don't need advice. It's scary at first but really, being a single mum is eye-opening to how much we really just don't need men. Anything they can do, we can do (or pay another bloke to do, or charm another man to do for free).

We're the home-makers, so we're the ones with the strength and skills to create a home wherever we go, and to make everything cosy, comforting and homely. Men don't have a clue how to do that, which is why they're forced to move on rapidly.

My most uplifting moments were spent on the house -- redecorating, choosing all-new bed sheets, moving furniture around, clearing the ex's shite out, and basically getting it all looking exactly how I liked it to look.

Don't rush into a new relationship -- these years are golden. Cherish every second.

And every friend I have now who's been a single mum at some point in her life says the same thing: it gives you strength and a steely-core that you had NO clue you possessed, and which never leave you. It's life-changing. In many wonderful ways.

Sort out your money, and you're laughing.

@MollysLips your posts brought tears to my eyes. Thank you SO much. You've put into words a whole host of random thoughts and emotions that have been whirling around in my head for the last 6 or so months but seeing it written down like that just felt like it gave me such clarity and I 'get' it now.

I want to print it off and frame it

Glad to hear things are good for you too @sittingonacornflake Your little one must be about a year now, no? How are you feeling about going back to work? I have a couple more months but it's hard to shake the feeling that it's coming around soon. I also feel a bit sad to think that the whole first year of my son's life has been overshadowed by things.

Thanks for sharing your experience @MollysLips I totally agree with that inner strength thing. It's hard for others to understand what I've been through /am going through and I sometimes find myself listening to others thinking 'don't you know I'm supermum?'. That sounds a bit odd written down, but I guess I mean no one will ever understand the challenges that I have overcome on my own just to get on with daily life and caring for my kids.

I agree that I can do most things without a partner, but I really hope I can bring up my son to succeed where his father has failed. We need to encourage more men (obviously some are okay) into more positive roles in society so that fewer mums are put in the position of having to cope with everything.

I also think your comment about money is spot on. I'm in the fortunate position of having parents who can help me if needed. I haven't had to ask so far but I can be confident of never having to resort to a pay day loan etc. I dread to think what it would be like facing everything without that support behind me. I really hope that in future I'll be able to help mums with less support.

Good afternoon ladies

@unexpectednewstart I think your right about us not posting as much anymore, I relied a lot on this tread at the start but I feel like I'm doing good now :) I don't want to get too emotional but it was nice to go through this journey with you ladies and I think we all owe ourself a big pat on the back :)

@sittingonacornflake @unexpectednewstart It's really good to hear that you are both doing really well, it does feel like the new normal now doesn't it and to think we have the lighter nights and summer to look forward to. Can anyone else say that your life is so much better now and you are happier

@MollysLips thank you for your comments it's true, we do have an inner strength that we did not know we had, it's quite empowering now I think :) I love the way I feel at the minute, I no longer have that dread hanging over me.

I have booked a little holiday for me and the children, just us 3 and I can't wait, I feel like iv got this :)

Update on the new guy :) are you ready.....
We are officially an item now eeek, the feelings came and got the better of me, I did want to spend some time on my own but oh well, sometimes u can't plan these things. He hasn't met the kids yet but I don't want to rush that either, he will but way down the line. I see him 2 nights a week and last night he introduced me to his best friends and their partners :) Iv been told I'm officially in their group now so they must of liked me :)

I was getting ready to see him last night and I thought how much my life has changed in a short space of time, I'm so much happier now, I look forward to my nights alone when the kids have gone to bed and I enjoy my weekends now with new fella. It's true isn't it, it does get better with time,

So wish me luck ladies it seems for now all is going well for me 💗

@Lorddenning1 you go girl!! So happy for you.

I've also sort of been seeing someone! Well, more like friends however it's an old flame and we speak on the phone A LOT and see each other when we can. I think things are likely to progress there but for obvious reasons at the moment we are being careful. Sadly he lives 50 miles down the coast from me which makes things a bit more difficult! But he's been really supporting through this.... life change (for want of a better term) and he's a fantastic friend.

I don't know if anyone is still on this thread but I so wanted to share with you ladies - I am officially dating - with kissing and everything!!

I'm still here @sittingonacornflake woohoo :) so happy for you, you really can't plan these things can you 😁
So go on, what happened :)

I was literally just replying but interrupted by kids and then saw @Lorddenning1 had replied too. .....

Wow @sittingonacornflake
Congratulations!

I think I'm a little behind you and @Lorddenning1 at putting this all behind me. I'm finding that a lot of anger is coming through now. I think I put it to one side previously because I was so concerned about his mental health. So I'm finding it quite tough at the moment but hoping it'll get easier once I'm back at work and have a more positive focus.

Are you still breastfeeding @sittingonacornflake ? Because personally I have no libido!

You can do this! Keep telling yourself and the rest will follow. Triumph at the small things. I found it much easier when I became a single mum. No arguing, bickering, critism, self doubt. I eventually found the not relying on anyone very empowering. Every little thing you do pat yourself on your back and your confidence will grow.

Well we are now really, really dating and there has been lots of kissing. Yes still breastfeeding with quite the libido but I'm soooo not ready for that yet. I'm not sure why. What do I do about the facts my boobs have milk in them 🙈😂

Crazily enough he's said over text that he nearly said the l word one night (I told him I'm glad he didn't because it would have scared me!) AND has asked when he is going to be promoted to boyfriend (I joked and told him he's been upgraded from ex to guy I'm seeing). But that's something else I definitely am not ready for we are sticking with dating for now. But it's lovely and he makes my tummy fluttery

Aw @unexpectednewstart I'm so happy for you 😊 sorry to be gross but if you take your relationship to the next level and your boobies are full of milk, at the point where a lady goes weak at the knees, a bit of milk comes out,
I thinks it's funny 😊 just keep ur bra on and you will be fine :)

Im seeing my guy more and more and at the weekend we both had a few drinks and he started to ask me if this goes well are we heading for moving in together, babies and weddings lol I said maybe, waaaaaaay in the future but is nice to know these things have popped into his head, he is 4 years younger than me too, and he has a little girl, so we would be a family of 5 eek.

The only thing I'm doing which is annoying is, I'm really scared to fall in love, like I'm holding back and letting me head rule, I keep thinking it's too soon, what is it doesn't last what if I get hurt, I would hate to be in my position again after another failed relationship, I don't think I'm strong enough to cope again. I'm trying to not let it ruin things and to just enjoy it but it's always there. I think it's down to the fact how much I loved my ex and once I fall in love that's me done, I'm in it for the long haul, so I'm scared of doing that again to anyone, he does give me Tummy flutters too :)

Also @unexpectednewstart I have noticed that how badly treated I was by my ex, new guy will text me and ask if I want any wine or anything on his way round, he treats me to things and pays for meals out, he came on a double date with me and my best friend and her fella last week, Iv never done this ever :) new guy is probably thinking these things are normal but I'm like omg thank you thank you :)