Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

Christmas songs can only be sung in December. You'd be surprised how often this rule is enforced.

Christmas songs can only be sung in December. You'd be surprised how often this rule is enforced.

Snap!

All male occupants must sit to wee.

Shrugging is banned.

The driver picks the radio station.

MelanieCheeks
You didn't actually have a bad experience from invoking Satan, did you?!

It's a bit wooooooo

Just the attempted invoking! I did explain the hoof marks would be impossible to get out of the carpet.

😂 well, at least I can say that the invocation of Satan is one horror that my teens haven't thought to inflict on each other (yet)

All people under 4 must sit when using the toilet - boys AND girls.

If you remove my charger cable from my bedside table I will strangle you with it. I think I might have gone a bit too 'big' on this threat as the cable is frequently 'borrowed' and neither child has been strangled.

No manscaping in the kitchen
No telling tales Unless I need to call the fire brigade or an ambulance
If you can't play on the Xbox nicely together then you have to take turns to play a two player game with me (very effective).

These are fab. Not one of ours, but a favourite from a previous similar thread was 'no jazz hands on the stairs' 😀

We have no shooting Nerf darts in the house. Or fake Nerf darts (quite literal my lot).

All fruit must be removed from bags before being put in the fruit bowl.
Close the bloody cupboard doors.
Open the shutters in the living room first thing.
No minecraft chat at the table or in the car.
No quizzing eachother at the table.
No board games upstairs - they must be brought downstairs so I can put a stop to the inevitable screaming arguments.
No whistling.
No taking of the toddler's toys -she will throw something at your head and you will get hurt - just leave her belongings alone.

The prefix 'but you said' renders any following sentence invalid.

No scootering when you're drunk

NO GLITTER!

No glitter, not ever!

No pretending your bum is a separate entity to yourself. Mr Bum is not real!

Pants, always!

No YouTube.

No outdoor shoes in the house even if your wife is in labour and the shoes belong to a paramedic thanks DH

Don't let the cat in after 11pm unless you have checked his gob for undead hedgerow creatures

No cooking after midnight

No grinning or wide-eyed celebrity faces to be left lying around (e.g. on magazine covers; the Radio Times has form for this). Faces with red noses are especially repulsive.

As for the ban on Christmas songs: anyone who so much as mentions Christmas before my birthday in early December (and no, "xmas" is not a loophole) goes straight on the naughty list.

Don't climb up the outside of the bannisters

Nudity in the house is OK, however nudity on the trampoline is not. The 85 year old neighbour got the shock of her life last time- doing it again will probably finish her off.

Your willy is not a sword/magic wand/stylus

Any games where someone is "it": whoever suggests the game must be "it" first.

And if the game is blind man's buff, that game is for the garden only, summer and winter, and not to be played barefoot!

Pants must be ON for meals.

Thats the only one I have to rigorously enforce

A new one from yesterday evening - you must wear knickers on the trampoline when wearing a dress.

1. All school shoes taken off your feet, just be immediately placed on the shoe tray on the hall. No excuses and straight away.
Because having four children to get out of the house in the morning, I don't have time to search for DD1 right shoe !

2. Children who argue whilst playing on the same Minecraft server. Get to sit outside to argue decide how quiet they will be, when I let then back on the computers

3. Every holiday day the children have to do some family jobs (tidying rooms/collecting clothes etc) and spend some time doing non screen activities
To be honest I think every parent does this one but the number of complaints this rule generates is ridiculous.

We share a lot of the wear pants, no food upstairs and pens only downstairs rules too :)

Scribblegirl -

No one is allowed to cut anyone's hair except for me - rule applies even if you are practicing to be a hairdresser when you grow up

Oh my god I'd forgotten about the hair cutting. Dd1 TWICE decided to cut dd2's hair when she was small. Unfortunately both times it happened right before a big family celebration so we have several photos of dd2 with a cropped fringe. 🙄

No glitter or talcum powder, both for the same reason. All over the house. No Windows open at night through the summer. Live in countryside and we get up looking like we've been eaten alive by bugs.
Best one is by dh. Nobody is allowed to hold the banister as they walk up the stairs as a week after moving in, one of dc pulled it out of the wall whilst doin a monkey impression.