Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

It was a bargain, and you did have a bag for it, too.

(One of my favourite scenes in the whole series ).

Mummy (ie me) is banned from cutting DS's hair after the infamous ear cutting incident of 2016
Thank goodness it's not just me.... He STILL goes on about it - and he's 44..!

One person cuts and the other gets to choose.

When making ready brek in the microwave remember to add milk please.

No clothes airers allowed in the house at all.
Especially the ones that open out into a big circle
We have a washing line and radiators.

Now and again dh will spring that shock on me.

Reminds me too much of my mum trying to dry her washing in front of the only fire .

Aargh!
Why does he do it,

No more than one very loud sneeze allowed.
If you do two. You get the evils.
Three and you'll get twatted over the head by my hand .

Oh and if you do sneeze once loudly you must say sorry or excuse me!

Theworldisfullofidiots - yes! Another house with the 'one cuts and one chooses' rule. Saved a lot of bother!

I don't mind loud sneezing, but I have a rule that "bless you" is only said once, especially around people with hay fever. Otherwise we get this exchange:
Person 1: Ah choo!
Person 2: Bless you.
Person 1: Ah choo!
Person 2: Bless you again.
Person 1: Ah choo!
Person 2: Bless you AGAIN.

Anyone who says "bless you again" to me might get sneezed ON.

Sit the on the toilet in the approved fashion, not backwards, squatting with your feet on the seat. On a not-unrelated note - no iPad in the bathrooms, especially propped on the toilet cistern while you squat backwards on the loo to watch it and shit on the floor,

Theworldisfullofidiots - yes! Another house with the 'one cuts and one chooses' rule. Saved a lot of bother!

Had that in our house, but my brother would hit me later if he'd cut and I picked the bigger piece.

No willy fights, they are not swords.

Never ever let the toddler try to empty his own potty.

No going down the slide naked. Four year old with a friction burn on his bum was not a fun experience!

I'm sensing a theme with my rules!

Ooh another one:

No Hama beads...ever.

And no opening the hamster's cage before bed. Found her sitting next to the fridge in the morning, then had to spend two hours trying to extract her from behind the units.

No pushing sofa and dining table against the wall to play football/rugby.

No moving lamps, pictures or ornaments to play football/rugby.

No moving double wardrobe by DD 10 to make room for gymnastics.

No tap dancing on dining table.

We also have no pooing in downstairs toilet. DH always goes immediately before we are expecting visitors. I think he's marking his territory

No tap dancing in the kitchen

No insects or ant colonies in the house...
No pooing in my ensuite
No bare bums on the sofa, underwear to be picked up off the floor...

Writing / colouring on paper only.....
No shooting lightbulbs with Nerf guns
No water fights in the house....
No kicking footballs in the house
No throwing golfballs

Only collect the quail eggs if you are competent enough to not let them out.
If you let the quail out you catch them.
Don't let the cat eat anything with garlic in.
If you let the cat eat garlic you clean up the sick.

No wildlife (alive or dead) allowed in the house.

I am looking at you, Sodacats 1 and 2. I could have done without having to catch and release that lightly-chewed sparrow in the front porch when I was ready to go out yesterday.

DH is Mr. Crappypants in these situations.

No pretending to eat the goldfish ( replaced with a piece of carrot) ..traumatising

No maggots in the fridge

No battery operated mini fans near my hair

No junior tool kits

No mustard in dads mouth (especially when he’s sleeping)

No lighting of farts

No exercising the school hamster whilst drunk

No staircase sleeping bag races

No tug of war games on the top bunk bed

No battery operated mini fans near my hair

Gosh, that sounds like it ended badly

yes , it had to stay there all the way home from Gullivers World !

A couple of birthday party ones:

High-risk presents (valuable or breakable) to be safely put away before the guests turn up. Any such presents from guests get the same treatment.

Pin the tail: we all love this game, and have it with every party, but unlike other games, we've made quite a collection of rules:

1. Spinning optional for younger children.
2. You must be blindfolded to play (no just closing eyes), but we offer several blindfolds to choose from.
3. An adult does the blindfolding and spinning; not the birthday boy or girl as we did once before.
4. Every player to be asked "can you see?", or "how many fingers?". Usually birthday boy or girl does this.
5. Birthday boy or girl goes last, and gets extra spins.

Only collect the quail eggs if you are competent enough to not let them out.

Most middle class rule ever