Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

Yes, well DH also put a ban on me cutting hair.

Mummymoonshadow, come to my house. You can do jazz hands on the stairs cos you're not allowed to hold on!

No pooing in downstairs loo.
No shutting people in cupboards.
No food upstairs.
Don't put clean clothes in the washing basket, if unsure of re-wearability check with a grown-up.
No water bottle flipping, or milk carton or anything else containing liquid for that matter.
& the latest - the floor is NOT & never will be, lava!
God I sound like a right old moo!

Don't drink the mixers.
i.e. tonic waiter is a mixer so you can't have it as a soft drink, lemonade is negotiable (Pimms).

@hellothereitsme My husband actually wrote his initials on his iPhone charger 😂

If you can't play on the Xbox nicely together then you have to take turns to play a two player game with me (very effective).

That one is GREAT

No bare bottoms on the carpet. It was once cream. Sob.

We have a generic no tying things to things rule - there was a very unpleasant trip wire phase, involving stone steps!
No chanting
No 'pewing' - holding fingers to resemble gun, and shrieking 'pew' for gun fire
No pogoing up the stairs
And the one and a half scoop ice cream rule, that the boy cousins refuse to follow!

Cupcakes, muffins, cakes and crisps can only be eaten in the garden (for children)
No TV in the morning when going to school unless kids had breakfast, brushed teeth and got dressed
Always check water levels in the bathtub when child is bathing (downstairs was flooded several times)
No small toys allowed on the couch

Growing it was no noise at all, abusive father who worked nights.

For my DC it was no balls or balloons in the kitchen. Funniest day was when adult stepson pinged a balloon after the birthday party and 2 yr old DD2 said "Mummy, X is playing with a balloon in the kicthen, he's not allowed to do that "

All twigs/sticks/leaves/snails/stones picked up on a walk must be places in the designated flowerpot at the front door NOT taken into the house and force fed to the dog.

Kitchen door must be shut at all times unless you want to clear up the contents of the bin/fish socks out the dogs mouth.

Nappies go in the one bin the dog has not managed to figure out.

All days out/activities/work need to be run past me AND put into the diary. (No DH that conversation about you sodding off to Manchester for 7 days did not happen in real life)

If there is only one bar of chocolate in the cupboard then it's Mummys!

No picking your nose in my bed (or anywhere for that matter)

No wearing school clothes on my bed (unless they are clean on)

No pouring boiling water on the dented bumper when DH's hand is up inside it trying push said dent out... In my defence he told me to do it

No throwing the wooden duck across the kitchen when having a tantrum

No eating stinky cheese before a blow job

Totally outs me as still bitter about this so have been known to rant about it!

No one can walk on the garden as it will bend the blades of grass.

Cue having a big garden but not being allowed to walk on it let alone play. Totally different for the grandchildren of course!

no power ballads at the dining table

No fucking jelly bath.

Love this thread. Has it had a classics nomination yet? I'd do it but I've forgotten how!

Do not attempt to put your trousers on while walking down the stairs.

You are allowed to go on the ride-on things outside shops EXCEPT the Barney ones, because I will not give a single penny to the ghastly corporation that is Barney.

Queen CDs do not work in Daddy's car. Neither do Meatloaf ones.

It's taken me ages to think of some house rules. Then I realised the kids break all of them .

No throwing chickens.
No Simpsons.
No cheese strings.
Always keep cold-call centres chatting on the phone for as long as possible. (although if you've had more than 4 in one day, it's ok to be very rude to them).

No going down stairs on tin trays.

In my childhood home, the rule was no playing cricket in the hall.

No waking me up by pouring water over me or shouting that I'm snoring and then laughing because you've woken me up.

Do not poke me or shout oi to get my attention and then act all huffy when I refuse to respond.

As a teenager, do not add swear words to your sister's creative writing when she is out of the room and act as if you've done her a favour. You haven't.

As a child, do not draw willies on your eldest dds drawing and try and joke with her when she is crying because you've ruined her drawing. I've since forgiven dparents for that one.

Do not write" Ball Wax 1pm " on your sisters wall calender

Do not steal cushions to use as mini trampolines
No food upstairs
No phones at the table
No play doh or those stupid melting figures that stick to the carpet like glue
No glitter
No eating the bloody last packet of crisps for your sisters packed lunch on a Thursday night.
No feeding the tortoise meat, she doesn't like it.
No hitting, shouting, screaming etc
No going out at 14 looking like you are going to stand under a red light
Don't wear shoes on new lounge carpet (so they both brought school shoes in and sat on sofas whilst putting them on!)
No pouring drink into your sisters dinner plate.
No uploading embarrassing pictures to each other's instagram account because you have figured out their password.

Oh and don't fart in front of your grandparents.. They don't think it's ladylike!