Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

When I was a teen we had a house rule that I was only allowed to dye my hair in the garden

That is a genius rule Scribble. I'm guessing there's a horrifying back story

Indeed, itchy... My mum still can't tell you which was worse - the goth stage where we wound up with black dye staining the toilet seat or the red dye that got in the grouting and made it look like a murder had taken place. I have many fond memories of sitting in old tshirts in the garden for half an hour and then having to wash the dye out with the hose!

(obviously at the time though I considered this fascist.)

No immac in the house with small children present.

No cheap 'washable' pens around toddlers.

No one is to give birth on my nice white rug.

Bon Jovi is not allowed.

No using the dishwashing up brush to wash your underpants clothes in the kitchen sink.

Me too scribble!! I was banned from dying my hair jet black indoors, after splattering my mums Laura Ashley with half a box of the stuff
Our no 1 house rule used to be 'no coming off the rug in your princess dress up mules' Hard floors and clicky plastic heels are a shit combination!!

All windows to be closed at night as we have bats and they fly in by mistake. A full grown bat swooping round your house in the middle of the night is not as fun as it sounds....

No toys with wheels on the kitchen floor fucking slapstick moment that was.

No toilet roll within reach of under 3s
Same with toilet brush
No eating chips or chocolate around kids or they will snaffle it all!

No racing - why does everything.have.to.be.a.fucking.race!
No first the worst etc ties into rule 1.
Only an adult can get milks out of the fridge.

At my mums no shitting in the downstairs toilet - it's just behind the front door and every time someone has shit in it someone knocks on the front door and mum said she's fed up of everyone thinking her house smells like shit

Just thought of another one at ours, no screwballs (the ice cream).

Teenager boy is not allowed to use the downstairs loo, it's mums toilet and she doesn't like sitting/standing in piss.

The upstairs windows in our house must be closed to stop pigeons getting in and cats getting out.

I've found cats cowering on the outside of upstairs window sills and having to be helped back inside (fortunately none have fallen/jumped off) and once I did the 'run into the house busting for a wee so straight to the bathroom' thing only to find all the shampoos etc thrown all over the bathroom and some scrabbling and rustling from behind the opaque shower curtain.

It turns out a pigeon had come in the open window and knocked everything over in a panic but I sat there having no idea what state the downstairs of the house was like as I was convinced there was a burglar lurking in the bath or downstairs until I dared to look at the source of the rustling.

Bumbumtaloo

all yours are hilarious

I don't have any

Experience should dictate we don't get another cat but as it was DH who had to spend an hour catching and removing the live bird that our old one wrestled through the cat flat and (thankfully) then lost grip off and not me, I'm more forgiving than he is...

Don't open home-made school cards on carpet as they are likely to contain vast quantities of loose glitter.........

No Jeremy Kyle or other similar trash programs allowed in my house

Teenager boy is not allowed to use the downstairs loo, it's mums toilet and she doesn't like sitting/standing in piss.

Fucking gross.

How about having a new rule that teenage boy must learn how to use a toilet properly and/or clean up his piss?

If he can't piss cleanly at home you think he is at school? At other peoples houses?

He will be one of those rancid DH's you see being complained about on MN who leave their piss for their wives to clean up.

Sacharissa what did BonJovi do to your house? Was it just Jon or the whole gang?

Pouncival thanks, it's usually pure chaos around here

I have thought of yet another one, cats do not like paddling pools and they will pop it.

No fucking crayola 'washable' bath fucking crayons. Ever. Again.
We've had the cheapo ones with no problems for years then these little bastards practically needed swarfega to get off.

No bare bums on the sofa.