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Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

336 replies

KERALA1 · 26/06/2017 08:54

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

OP posts:
QuackDuckQuack · 26/06/2017 18:07

No sellotape on doors.
No walking around with a recorder in your mouth.

UsernameInvalid66 · 26/06/2017 18:10

No playing table tennis indoors.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/06/2017 18:11

This brings back fond memories of when my two (now in their 20s) were little!

Don't leave a bottle of sun cream in the same room as a sofa and a toddler while you change the baby's nappy down the hall. The sofa never recovered.

Don't leave the key in the back door while you go out to hang out washing. (Toddler went back inside and locked herself in. Mortice lock, she couldn't turn it back. Local scaffolders were great and entered house through open window on top floor. Sigh.)

Rejoice that VCRs are now obsolete. My son loved to sit beside it carefully pouring his juice into the slot. Grin

accidentalgrownup · 26/06/2017 18:18

My DH isn't allowed to use cling film never mind under 8's!! Grin

No mixing of play doh colours it drives mummy insane.

Notonyournellly · 26/06/2017 18:19

Don't leave used tissues, cotton buds, cotton wool pads or similar in a dog-height waste paper bin. They will eat them and leave chewed bits all over the floor.

Hide nice food in a dark cupboard behind the onions and potatoes, they will last much longer

Theworldisfullofidiots · 26/06/2017 18:24

Porterage charge for towels left in bedrooms - £1 per towel....(dd had 10 in her room last week).....or equivalent cost in labour....
Shut sitting room door if not in it as ddog steals the remote control and hides it.

BillStickersIsInnocent · 26/06/2017 18:26

No fort building right at the top of the stairs.
No sticking your willy to your ankle. Or anywhere, for that matter.

awesomeness · 26/06/2017 18:35

No shitting in the downstairs toilets

No crumpets

No xylophones

DandelionAndBedrock · 26/06/2017 18:35

No whistling between 10pm and 10am.

DP will occasionally claim "Australia time" but generally decides it isn't worth the sulk I go into. I can't whistle and I get really jealous Grin.

YesMadamDeputySpeaker · 26/06/2017 18:36

No talk of toilet functions or vomit at the dinner table, please and thank you.

DH's golf balls are not to be touched, after the time DS crept up behind me as I was seated on the floor and smashed it into my teeth.

No sticking your willy to your ankle. Ha - that is one loooong willy Grin

Bumbumtaloo · 26/06/2017 18:41

accidentalgrownup my dh is one of the most laid back people I have ever met but he gets almost Incredible Hulk rage when our dd's mix the colours of the play doh Grin (not at our dd's I should add).

Florence16 · 26/06/2017 18:47

No number 2's in the upstairs loo (it has no window).

My mum used to ban my dad and brothers from poos upstairs too. The downstairs loo was so cold she refused to be forced to go in there because the upstairs warm one stank!

starfishmummy · 26/06/2017 18:49

No singing at the dining table - instigated this when ds was small, has now been repealed as he no longer does it!!

Ds's socks have to be on in the kitchen/before computer time depending on whether its me or dh in charge. Mine is the more lenient "before computer time" which is at 5pm. Ds will wander round all day holding his socks but not putting them on. I hate wearing stuff on my feet hence me being more lenient!!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 26/06/2017 18:50

No bare bums on the sofa (after DD had worms)
No wheels in the kitchen

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 26/06/2017 18:54

No putting eggs on to boil and going out.

No putting fairy liquid in dishwasher to degrease.

Don't believe a word the ddog says, he's been fed.

Put your own shoes away, no complaints later that "Mum has dumped them" in the shoe cupboard where they are supposed to live.

If you are expecting food for breakfast/tea/dinner please inform me that you will be here.

If you expect me to feed friends please tell me they are coming here preferably before they walk through the door.

If its not written in one of the columns on the family calendar it's not happening.

No swapping my new lightening charger thingie for your tatty old one ... I've lost the last two new ones, gone.

My makeup is my makeup, you have your own dd18.

Tomato sauce is not a main ingredient.

If you use the last of something tell me.

No nicking my shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash.

No teasing sibling that they are adopted bc they don't like rugby as much as the rest of us.

No clecking, unless its life threatening.

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 26/06/2017 18:55

No playdoh at all. That's a toy for playgroup or nursery. Wink

Shitalopram · 26/06/2017 19:01

No Status Quo at the dinner table (air guitar with naan bread incident)

chumpchange · 26/06/2017 19:17

(air guitar with naan bread incident) Grin

I was thinking we didn't have any in particular but then I remembered: Mummy (ie me) is banned from cutting DS's hair after the infamous ear cutting incident of 2016 Blush

I don't even know how it happened, honest! Blush

paxillin · 26/06/2017 19:19

If you are looking for something and whine hard enough, I'll help. If I find the item really easily after the fuss you made, I get to whack you one the head with it.

Found in under 2 minutes- 1 hit.
Found in under 1 minute- 5 hits.
Found in the exact spot I said to look- unlimited hits.

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/06/2017 20:04

No Sweet Home Alabama or My Sherona to be played in this house.

I like this rule.

No standing looking at my screen over my shoulder and eating or drinking, or I will keeeeel you (misophonia).

Don't leave any nutella or nutella-related substances where the idiot kitten can get at them. She will eat it/them. She also goes loopy over small broccoli florets.

thebear1 · 26/06/2017 20:15

No eating your feet.
No bear bum on the sofa
No playing on the stairs

DonkeyOaty · 26/06/2017 20:33

Bear bum

Grin
Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience
Zippyzulu · 26/06/2017 20:44

No dogs allowed on the trampoline (regularly broken)

dontpokethebear · 26/06/2017 20:56

A minimum of pants at the dinner table (ds2 and DD are wannabe nudists).

No screen time until everyone is dressed and has had breakfast (except at weekends). This has actually brought peace on our household, should have done it a looooooong time ago.

No glitter. It's the herpes of crafts Grin

OhOurBilly · 26/06/2017 21:00

No holding the baby in "shelf mode" because he will choose this moment to do a massive shit, it will explode up his back/out if the leg holes and it will look like a poopocalypse has happened.

No competitive tiredness.