Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

No Chris Evans on the radio and/or telly.
No Emmerdale.
No flowers indoors (allergies).
No kids in the front seat of my car.
No marzipan.

Re the PP who said: "No buttering of bread before it goes in the toaster." WTF?

tccat is there a bit of unharmonious sibling living going on round yours, by any chance?

"no poo at the table" This has expanded to mean no talk of any bodily functions at the table.
"No sticks, balls or wheels in the house"
"No shooting your mum" this applies to nerf guns, fake finger guns, water guns and elastic bands.
"No farting on your mum"
"No whacking your willy against your mum" I've told him that no woman ever in the history of woman has actually liked it when a man has walked up to her and whacked her with his willy. I hope he heeds this information as an adult.

DS is 6, I'm sure he'll grow out of some of these eventually...

Madamspeaker I have five of them , I could fill this thread on my own! The things they've done to each other!

No covering yourself in red lipstick and coming downstairs naked when the health visitor is here (aged three)

I will NOT check pockets before laundry.

When I was a teenager, no drinks to be taken upstairs, all drinks to be had at the table. No using your mobile phone to call the house phone to ask if you can have a drink brought up when you are ill. No eating lunch at 10.30am and then having a second one at 12.30pm.

No felt pens. None. No, not even the special ones from the party bag. No. Just fucking no.

Anyone leaving any kind of receptacle in front of the fireplace (where DS's potty is generally located) will be responsible for cleaning/replacing said receptacle.

DS likes using the potty very much but is still not sure what is a potty and what isn't a potty.

No running in fluffy socks

No attempting to pull the dog's hair into a topknot. Or stuffing said dog into baby clothes and posting the photos on Facebook

Do not eat anything that looks like the main ingredient for the next meal.

No using your mobile phone to call the house phone to ask if you can have a drink brought up when you are ill.

YES. DH threatened to cut our eldest's (age 13) contact off after she messaged him to come up to her room and close her bedroom door over. She wasn't ill, just 'too tired' to get out of bed and do it herself. She's just lucky it wasn't me she tried to pull that stunt on - I'd have cancelled it on the spot!

Oh and of course: If you want to speak to somebody in another room YOU get up and go - don't call the other person to come to you. Ever.

We weren't allowed playdoh cos apparently it gets stuck in the carpet.

No putting your testicles on your brothers toast

If you want to speak to somebody in another room YOU get up and go - don't call the other person to come to you. Ever. -- not even when its "Dad, dad, I've trod in dog poo?"

We do t have many rules as DS1 is turning out to be a law abiding know it all, I expect DS2 to be the devil child (he's 10m). So far...

Dog Must have his shoes on before he leaves the house
No dictatorships - we are not raising the next Mussolini.
Leave the cat alone.

And no Paw Patrol until a poo has been done in the toilet!

I banned Barney when my kids were small no barney on telly or video or Merchandise my cousin wanted to pass on a talking Barney to Dd2 i said i will never speak to you again i hate the purple arsehole,

No popping of chewing gum in the house or i will punch you in the face

No farting competitions. Even in the bath.

Always ends with someone following through.

No immac in the house with small children present.

I have fond memories of the 'Help, I've immaced the baby' thread.

No drawing on walls.

No food in bedrooms

No playing the piano before Mummy and Daddy are actually up in the morning.

I am trying to decide if I am terribly borring or terribly relaxed as frankly only rule we have is no playing piano after 7.30 pm (sharre wall with neighbours) odly neighbour says she loves listening to ds practice....

Not exactly a house rule, but:

If you pick skin off your hands in my van you WILL be walking home.

No felt tips in the sitting room. (I confiscated them and hid them for 6 months after THE INCIDENT. Even husband didn't know where they were so he couldn't buckle under the nagging/questioning!)

Pants at the table. Always.

No food on the trampoline.

No throwing balls/things in the house.

• bring the empty plates / bowls down from your room before the penicillin reaches triffid proportions
• stop nicking all my hairbrushes, facial scrub, socks
• clean clothes go in the wardrobe / drawer, not back in the washing basket

-if it's not on the list it won't be bought