Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

This is hilarious!!

Cola- me too, usually meaning DS has 4 or 5 books in the go in rotation until he gets one back! Grrrr.

Just pants is not suitable dinner attire.

No breeding woodlice indoors.

No changing my name etc 'Poo Face' on my email via Siri if you use my devices

my name to 'Poo Face'

Phil a clever cookie you have there!

I thought of another one.

No reading the same book more than three times in a row. Go and pick another one for goodness sake!

Cola- maybe... but he needs to meet his physical needs as well as his spiritual/emotional ones! Clean teeth/dry pants being non-negotiable.

Only Daddy is allowed to use Superglue (yes, I'm banned too after one too many incidents of gluing fingers to something)

No wheeled vehicles in the house eg. skateboards, scooters or large toy cars big enough to stand on (broken bone incident due to wheels on wooden floors)

No eating whilst moving, no chocolate/juice/ice cream in the sitting room.
Bathroom door to be closed at night, new kitten decided to piss on bathroom floor rather than litter tray.....
Sure I will have more as they get older!

Tooth-brushing happens over the bathroom sink, not wandering round the upstairs of the house, dripping toothpaste. This rule is for DH, rather than DCs.

If the laundry bin is by the washing machine, dirty washing has to be put in it, not the space on the bathroom floor it usually occupies.

No turning the iron up to the hottest setting.

Requests for shopping don't count until they are written on the list in the kitchen.

These are coming way too easily. I'm concerned that I may be a control freak

No football in the bathroom

No play doh or moonsand (not even experienced moonsand but I can invision it).

Don't touch mummy's chocolate (it's a rule but one one listens)

All turds weighing more than 2kg to be lowered by hand.

I had some... problems with bowel related issues as a pre-teen.

No talking while MIL is interrupting.

Ah, this is a familiar tune

This isn't strictly a house rule but when in the car, no Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings audiobooks when Mum is driving.

No opening of envelops from your mates indoors in case your mate decides to send you one full of glitter as a revenge for you taking their last tonic water from the pantry.

The driver choses the radion station.
The person sitting in fron tseat isn't allowed to change radio statio without asking
No-one is allowed to sing along to their music while wearing headphones

Don't leave the nappy bag within reach of the toddler (nappy sacks and wipes all over the place anyone?)
Don't give pencils to the toddler
No bare bums on the sofa
No books/iPads/phones at the dinner table
Flush the toilet after doing a poo (DD1 I'm looking at you!)
No ball games in the house
No drinks near the computer...

No buzzing insects allowed in the
dog's sunroom conservatory
No going to the toilet within 2 hours of applying fake tan

Oh and another one... No use of heelys and/or roller skates in the bathroom.

No putting your testicles on your brothers toast

No drawing a Hitler moustache on your brother when he's sleeping after a couple of lemonades

No leaving a cartoon path of drawing pins to your brothers bed

No replacing the sugar in the cannister with salt just before your brother makes a cup of tea

Some from when I was a teenager

No going down stairs on roller skates (concrete stairs, it ended badly)
No running in shiny tights (I split my chin open on a door handle skidding on carpet)
Open the bathroom window after a bath because dad doesn't want to gas himself with impulse
Wash the bath after using baby oil in it
No hay or straw bales in the kitchen
No illicit pets