Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

[KERALA1]

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

No chickens in the house. No horses on the lawn.

The dog has his own bedroom though.

Do not play with velcro hair rollers and stick them to every wool scarf hanging by the front door, strategically placed so that the wearer doesn't notice.

Do not leave colour photo results of a recent endoscopy lying around so that they are offered to guests along with bowls of crisps.

youngest is now 9, and until recently we had a rule

-all pens must live in a pot on top of the fridge.
-no bare bums on sofa is one of ours
-no undressing in living room (quick change to Pjs in ad break on Sat even, but living room is at front and summer so curtains open and dds are no longer little.....)

All ice creams are eaten in garden (not warm enough to eat in garden, then not warm enough for ice cream!)

no bringing animals in through the cat flap (bit hard to enforce that one)

MadameDeputySpeaker

All requirements for hot water shall be met before the washing machine is switched on - our machine is supposed to be plumbed to the cold tap - it's not.

Do not take a swig of anything in a "pop bottle" that's not yours. Olive oil is not a nice beverage.

OH Goldmandra - I think you live in my house!

yy to Dr Who epeisodes
yy to opening curtains
yy to yellow car games (banned as ds though ti was funny to hit really hard and dd2 didn't see the joke)
yy to log pile!

Sanscollier I was asked if my tumble drier had broken and I was having to 'air dry my delicates'. It was then I realised..

DH recently decided we should only buy sugar cubes not loose sugar because DS kept spilling it "everywhere" (he didn't, it happened once.) This rule is not being implemented.

Edward Scissorhands has been to dinner
We have another rule for wrapping, after people have accidentally walked in on their presents being wrapped, which caused great upset: the recipient should be told in advance that they must not enter the room (but the loophole is that you may sit in on your goodies being wrapped on one condition - that you are blindfolded).

When a certain small bell is rung, teasing of any kind immediately stops. (I grew up being mercilessly teased; I don't tolerate non-consensual teasing at all, and I wished I had a way to make it stop.)

No netball practice before 8am: balls go THUD on the patio under the net.

YesMadameDeputySpeaker that's hilarious!

We live in a very tall house and, after a few near misses, I'm always very careful when I throw dirty laundry over the landings in to the hall ready to carry down to the basement for washing, in case any smalls get trapped swinging from the staircase when visitors arrive!

Sanscollier it's turned into a sort of running joke in our family now - if DH gets home before me he will hang some on certain door handles. I went round to my parents' not long after and my dad had hung a few of my mum's up in a similar fashion. She was equally furious

If you are going to do graffiti don't sign it!

(Dd2 then 4, little lad next door,permanent marker and a newly painted side of house.)

1mouse

brilliant YesMadameDeputySpeaker

No wheels of any kind in the kitchen.

No Nikki Minaj at the dinner table.

We also have the rule that windows (or bat flaps as we call them) must be closed when dark. Hell in the recent heatwave as you can imagine.

No musical instruments in the kitchen. (Mainly due to hard floors)

Books must be put down to do other activities such as eat, dress, brush teeth, go to loo etc.

Not at the top of the stairs!!! (said about a dozen times a week to DS, who will caper wherever he is)

No competitive eating.

No drinks on the piano.

No monopoly.

No willies at the dining table.

No willies at the dining table.

I'm presuming there is a backstory

Close the bathroom doors. JuniorCat likes nothing better than to shred the loo paper ALL OVER the house.

New rule, made just today - the carpet does not suffer from nappy rash. Thus, ds, there is no need to apply Sudocreme to the floor.

Does anyone know how you get sudocreme out of a carpet, btw?

No pooping in the en suit. The waft of DHs poo waking me up once was enough to implement this rule.

No chatting to mummy when she is reversing off the drive.

You can touch bottoms cheek to come geek but you must not part said cheeks.

No knee slides in the kitchen.

No scooting through the house and treating exits/doors as "trick rails"

No blackcurrant squash anywhere near the cream sofa. I wouldn't mind if I was talking about a toddler. I mean DH, he's 51.

*cheek to cheek ffs

PhilODox I think we must have the same children.

I have been known to confiscate books until xyz is done.

bigkids

I have another one: opening one curtain doesn't count. Go back and do the other one.