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Original poster

Overheard on the bus

360 replies

AdventuringAbout · 28/12/2014 14:43

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull Grin

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 02/01/2015 02:44

Not a bus, but overheard the cutest toddler many years ago. At some sort of activity place and one of the things you could do was hire a net and catch fish in a pond. One chatty little dude was talking to the owners as he left. He introduced himself as Josha Shoes (couldn't pronounce Joshua) and told them what a lovely day he had, by saying in a little singsong voice "Thank you for my fiiish. Thank you for my daaay".

I was like Grin for the rest of the afternoon.

AMillionNameChangesLater · 02/01/2015 18:16

I love that one DropYourSword

ImTakingTheEssence · 08/01/2015 23:46

Heard my neighbour arguing with his wife at the top of his voice shouted "yes but I got a level 2 in customer service" how that related anyway to what they were arguing about i'll never know. He shut up after that.

acatcalledjohn · 09/01/2015 22:30

This thread is brilliant Grin.

On a bus (with friends) years ago in my uni days, we were on our way to a wedding. Behind us were three teenage boys, about 15/16, of the chav variety. The bus went past a petrol station with one of those 'Bonjour' shops. Cue the following conversation between two of the boys:

1: What does 'Bonjour' mean?
2: I think it's French for 'Petrol Station'.

I cried silent tears of laughter. It must have taken me about 5 mins to compose myself.

ephemeralfairy · 13/01/2015 17:48

Boy attempting to chat up girl on the train by talking about the 'dark eroticism' of Lars von Trier and how reading Kafka is 'a harrowing experience'.

Boy on the phone saying '...I told my mother I didn't want to see my grandmother anymore because she's a narcissist....yeah...she went 'what's a narcissist?' so I told her and then I told her I think she displays some of the traits too...and she burst into tears. Classic narc behaviour.'

ShatnersBassoon · 13/01/2015 18:01

Elderly woman with her middle-aged daughter in the supermarket.

Mother: How many cloths in that pack?
Daughter: Three.
Mother: Get me them, they'll see me out they will.
Daughter: For Christ's sake, mother!

Solo · 15/01/2015 10:19

Just walking home and past a crowded bus stop. Two youngish women talking and I caught..."I wouldn't let mine go. He might stab me and I probably wouldn't talk to him for a week, but..."
Shock Really?!!!

GizmosBandana · 16/01/2015 16:57

When there was all the hooha in 2012 about the Doomsday prediction that the world would end on December 21st, I was on the train to work and heard two older ladies have a very serious discussion about it all.

Lady 1: 'I saw on the telly that the world might be ending tomorrow you know'
Lady 2: 'Well that's no bloody good, I haven't finished my Christmas shopping yet!'

Loved her focus on the practicalities of the possible situation!

Varya · 16/01/2015 17:17

Heard recently on the bus. 'I love me council ouse, got it in 1970 an I just love it'

zukiecat · 16/01/2015 17:24

Love "Josha Shoes" and his little song!

Shatners

"They'll see me out, they will" has me in stitches,

That's exactly the sort of thing my gran used to say Grin

Varya · 16/01/2015 17:25

Heard recently on the bus. 'I love me council ouse, got it in 1970 an I just love it'

Varya · 16/01/2015 17:26

Heard recently on the bus. 'I love me council ouse, got it in 1970 an I just love it'

Varya · 16/01/2015 17:28

Heard recently on the bus. 'I love me council ouse, got it in 1970 an I just love it'

dontmixthecolours · 16/01/2015 18:09

Years ago I was in a club in Stirling when I heard two women having a really heated argument. Their language was appalling , they were really ripping into one another. There was a slight lull and one of them shouted

'Anyway, don't fucking talk tae me like that, I'm yer fucking maw'

I nearly passed out

TagineKaput · 18/01/2015 19:06

I was on a bus about 10 years ago, and a phone rings from the back. Man answers, and says "I'm on the bus" [pause] "Nowhere... I've been riding round all day. You bloody mother's chucked me out again".

rolypolybird84 · 18/01/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 21/01/2015 10:17

Today on the street, a man shouts loudly on the phone.
Oh, crap, dude (equivalent), the oddest thing happened today. I left the bag with the money on the ferry seat.

Couldn't hear the rest. Don't know if it was 10s, 100s, 1000s(?). If it was drug money...
Oh the possibilities.

Solo · 21/01/2015 10:51

Yesterday in a supermarket toilet...
Woman to child of about 3 years: "No! don't touch me, you've had your hands on the toilet seat!"
So, they come out of the cubicle, the child goes to the basin to wash her hands (good girl thinks I) and the mum protests! "no, don't do that" and she puts some anti bac onto childs hand, child then proceeds to try to put soap from dispenser into her hand as well and mum stops her, "no, just use that" Hmm really?! Confused

HappyAmbler · 22/01/2015 18:52

Teenagers on the train: "I thought Abu Dhabi was in Wales" "EVERYONE thinks that"! Grin

toffeeboffin · 22/01/2015 22:50

Not on the bus, but someone once walked into my mums office and asked her (the boss) 'Sorry to bother you, but do you have any ox-blood shoe polish?'.

WTF?!

thingamajig · 25/01/2015 21:16

Middle left , toffee. Don't worry, its just a colour.

toffeeboffin · 26/01/2015 22:55

Thanks, thingamajig Grin

PuppetPeppa · 27/01/2015 17:41

In a supermarket buying a tin of Tuna, "we need to make sure that this is Tuna friendly".....

TedAndLola · 27/01/2015 20:14

I was on a bus which stopped just outside of a pub on a busy high street. A man was leaning on the pub wall with a woman crouched in front of him, sucking him off. No attempt whatsoever at trying to hide it. As he saw the bus pull up he unceremoniously shoved her away, zipped himself up and stumbled onto the bus. As the bus pulled away she shouted "CALL ME!".

Another time, witnessing a very upset teenage girl shouting at a boy. He was smirking and showing off to his mates. As she stormed off the bus he yelled "hey, bucket cunt! Come back!" at her.

This wasn't something I overheard, but something that probably perplexes another passenger to this day. Grin When I was a teenager I had a pet snake, and one day took him on the bus to the vets (too young to drive). To keep him warm, I didn't take him in a box - I put him inside my top next to my skin and zipped up a fairly tight hoodie to stop him falling out. He was less than 4ft long so it hardly made a bulge, and nobody would have noticed anything strange under my jumper.

Across the aisle was a young boy (8/9) sitting with his mum. When my snake popped his head out from my collar to have a look around, the little boy saw it. His eyes widened, he tugged on his mum's sleeve, and he said "mummy! that woman has a snake in her bra!". By the time his mum turned round, the snake had popped back into the warm. "DON'T BE STUPID" she snapped at him, and I stared out of the window and looked innocent...

I bet if he remembers that incident, he's half convinced himself he was imagining things.

UniS · 27/01/2015 20:41

Sat on a train, opposite a small group of Deaf teenage boys returning to a local boarding school. They were having an animated conversation about which of their female friends was most shagable , most likely to and who might if given enough encouragement.
They also had no idea that dh and I could understand them.
Till they tried to annoy the ticket inspector by feigning non comprehension. At which point dh signed / interpreted. The boys conversation cleaned up a LOT after that.