Overheard on the bus

[AdventuringAbout]

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

TedAndLola my jaw just hit the floor!!! was that at night, in the dark or during daylight? I'm stunned at just how revolting and brazen some people can be!

TedAndLola my jaw just hit the floor!!! was that at night, in the dark or during daylight? I'm stunned at just how revolting and brazen some people can be!

It was about 5 years ago but if I remember rightly, it was about 8pm. The high street was still really busy, and they were standing right under an exterior light!

Bloody hell! .

A young mum in the razor aisle in tesco picked up a pack of blades and exclaimed to her toddler, 'ten pounds! Blimey!' Then under her breath but audible to me: 'Ahh well, it'll have to be a hairy month' and put them back.

Hairy month...I know that feeling!

Woman with friend checks her phone for a message.
"Oh, it's X, he probably wants to make an appointment, I'll reply I'm in a meeting, which is true anyway"

This was overheard on the bus...

I was on the bus and the phone belonging to a woman sitting a few seats in front of me started to ring. She answered it...

"Hello? (Pause) Oh it's you! It came up anominous. Yeah, anominous."

My favourite overheard conversation was in a supermarket chiller aisle between two guys that worked there. Well, I say overheard but actually it was bellowed over my head as I was standing between them at the time...

"I fucking 'ate working in the milk aisle." Said one.
"Yeah, it's shit innit." Said the other.

Woman discussing her new boyfriend with her very sweet, elderly friend sat next to her on bus

"He may be younger than me but he's all man..."
( slight pause whilst waiting for implication to dawn on friend. Rest of bus passengers now all aquiver with interest)
"Dan the man I call him! Ha ha." (Another pause) Coz he's all man....and he's called Dan..."

Priceless.

I was once on the train and overheard two uni students catching up after the summer holidays.
A: Yes my brother has just got a job as a barrister, he's working up in London somewhere.
B: Oh wow, that sounds good. He must be being paid well.
A: Well I think he's reasonably happy because it's enough if he works long hours.
B: So how did he get the job? It must be very competitive.
A: I think he just applied on the Starbucks website or something. He said there were lots of people at the group interview.
[Long pause]
B: Wait do you mean barrister or barista?

On a bus from the West End to Camden Town just before Xmas, 2 men having a conversation. One was a bit rough, I guess you'd say, the other was quite posh. It transpired over the course of the conversation that they lived together, I think in some kind of hostel or other. They were discussing Xmas dinner.

Posh Man: "I say Dennis, shall we get a bird?"
Dennis: "What you mean a prostitute, like?".

I was laughing FOR WEEKS

Today, two middle to old age men walking to catch their transport:

• Today is Wednesday. I hope there's some sex today. I'll see how she feels when I get home. I hope she does, because otherwise I may need to find...

Years ago in America, coming out of the cinema after watching Titanic.
Woman exclaims loudly "I didn't know it SANK at the end!"

On crowded train tonight, the train manager walked up to a Japanese student;

Manager: "Excuse me, a seat has just become vacant in the next carriage, would you like it".

Student: "I am sorry I have a cold".

I once overhead a young woman telling her mum that she needed to get another job really, and she was going to be a teacher "because it's easy and they get paid well"

Overheard on the District Line tube in west London.

Elderly woman to elderly man: It was jolly cold in that crematorium.

DH and I took DCs to a children's farm a couple of weeks ago and overheard the following conversation between two 30something women in the hatchery.
Woman 1: How come eggs that you buy from the shop don't hatch?
Woman 2: I think they must be laid outside, I think they only hatch into chicks if they're laid indoors or in an incubator.

I had to make a sharp exit to hide my laughter.

Two teenage boys on bus..

Boy 1: Can I come your house
Boy 2: Why, you've never asked before
boy 1: Cause I just want to come and look at your stuff, I won't touch anything
Boy 2: Nah, You ain't coming my house, bye and jumped off the bus!!

Two little boys, about 5 years old.
Singing 'Thriller' and talking about Michael Jackson

Overheard on the antenatal ward during my induction last year...

This couple were hilarious anyway, so up themselves, loudly making work calls and letting everyone know she was still working even though she was being induced (so was I, but mine was uni work ). At one point she had a contraction, made this long moo-ing sound and then to her husband -

'Quick, squeeze my head!'.

Oh and then they did a wordsearch, this oh-so-clever and worldly and businesslike couple...

Husband: 'Five letters, beginning with 'C', a raccoon-like creature'
Wife: 'Badger?'

We were silently howling

LittleMilkNoSugar - Dan the man - Oh yes!

Not exactly overheard but..
was on the bus yesterday, towards the back where the seats are higher, the bloke in front of me was texting his DW/DH/P whatever.. I was reading it over his shoulder and giggling to myself.. he text "aww baby I love you too and I had a sandwich for lunch from.." he was trying to type tesco.. tasco, tiscco, tesko, tescko.. in the end he put town I wanted to just tap him on the shoulder and tell him that he spelt it right the first time

One Christmas eve I was in town shopping, the shops were due to close and I heard one man say to another in an absolutely delighted, lightbulb moment way: 'Coat hangers!'
I'd love to have seen the expression on the recipients face the next morning as s/he opened the inspired present.

After the election, a lady behind me was saying what a shame it was about "Nick Farage". Her friend agreed saying we need more people like him in politics. Half an hour later I still had no idea if they were Liberals or UKIP.

Last flight i went on the guy behind me kept going on and on about plane crashes the whole journey to the girl next to him, who didnt even know him!

In Lidl (I love Lidl and thanks to a recommendation on Mumsnet I sampled a hazelnut praline pastry this week mmmm)

BF to GF: Are you sure you don't want to get an emergency pizza?

I chuckled to myself, wondering how this differed from an ordinary pizza and also imagining the conversations they must have had to arrive at their mutually understood phrase!