Overheard on the bus

[AdventuringAbout]

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

Glad to have been of service although that must have bugged you for forty-odd years!

Eew, BarbaraManatee, I'm imagining that they were out on a walk in the country and the rack was still attached to a skull.

I had to trawl back through my Facebook wall from quite some time ago, but ... I found it!! The shop in question was when I was managing a charity shop

Conversation overheard in my shop today...
'What do you think of this scarf, Doris?'
'Ooh - grey. .......Fifty shades of grey!'
'Well, I read that book, Doris. You know, THAT one. Fifty Shades Of Grey'
'You never!'
'Yes Doris, I did. Well, all I can say is, not in our day, Doris. Certainly not in our day'.
(Silence. Both leave shop, without making a purchase)

Overheard while I was walking behind a group of fellas in Dublin one night. "Hang on a minute boys, I'm just going down this street to drain the python-it's chewing the leg off me"!

And said by my history teacher to the boy in the front row... "Bobby, cover yourself up and don't be so disgusting!"

Once on a flight to Italy, I heard the woman in the row ahead chatting to the stranger next to her. She moaned the WHOLE flight about this and that, how Italy had rubbish supermarkets, how there was too much litter, it was too hot, Italian was too hard to learn, Italians were unfriendly etc etc etc. It went on and on. Then finally the hapless man got her to pause long enough to ask her what she did in Italy. Her reply 'I'm a positive thinking coach'.

Group of American tourist late-teens spotted hanging over a fence and taking photos: 'Oh my gaaaaahd! They're playing 'cricket'! That's cricket, right?'

Didn't have the heart to tell them it was lawn bowls.

This was about 12 or so years ago, when there was a fashion for super chunky gold jewellery. Girl in front of me on the bus was heavily pregnant and was discussing names with her pal. She was wearing a huge gold necklace with her long, hyphenated name on it.

Girl: "I've decided if it's a girl I'll giver the same name as me."
Pal: "How come?"
Girl: "So she can have my jewellery when I die."

Overheard on a bus.. "there was a power cut yesterday at work, when I was on the bog. I couldn't wipe my arse 'cos I couldn't see to find the bog roll".
And years ago, in the aftermath of a wild party when several of us were crashed out around the house, we could hear one of our mates saying "FFS, spit on it"!!

I heard a very harassed looking mum on the phone to her son, saying "NO. You do NOT shoot at your sisters!"

Oh newbie, it is real. At my best friend's wedding at a country pub a few years ago, a mutual friend who grew up in the city centre and didn't like to leave it, was in the beer garden and pointed at the neighbouring field
"What the hell is that?"
Me: "Er, that's a sheep?"
Friend: "Oh yeah, of course...I'm not used to being out in the wild"

MerlotForone, , "a bit of training scheme" for anaesthetists can be considered a good financial move by NHS. Hope nobody reads it.

I was once at the theatre sitting in front of a lad of about ten who said to his mother "I can see the stage for that man's big fat head" to which she answered, mouth in gear, brain in auto-mode "That gentleman's big fat head, Johnnie!".

Adorabelle - not a skull, a live stag! It was lying down in long grass! They'd have taken it if attached to a cleanish looking skull!

Overheard in a shopping centre, just now; a man saying "They don't call me 'the t-bone' for nothing you know!".

And now obviously I want to know why they do call him that...

My Ds told me that he was on a London tube train yesterday and the driver said over the tannoy the following (roughly)...

"We are waiting for a train to leave the next station, then we'll be on our way once we get the green light" Then in an excited voice:
"Ok, we have a green light! I can drive the train now"

Barbara did he just happen to have his twelve bore with him and a handy trailer? Not to mention the owners permission!

I was just lying on sofa, heard bloke go past, alone, not on phone, really loudly in a vair posh voice "oh, you unutterable cunt" to no one. me and DS were giggling like crazy.

Buttercup has it

No, she got off at the other blokes stop! So that meant that the poor man on the bus had to STAY ON, knowing the rest of the bus had heard the whole thing with everyone shooting him pitying looks bless him. We all hoped he'd choose Steve (he looked like a Steve).

*she'd choose Steve

A bloke once woke me and DH speaking to someone on his mobile outside our window.

'Mumble mumble mumble I'M NOT A PAEDOPHILE!'

Now if someone is speaking loudly outside we say they are definitely not paedophiles...

This summer one of my stepkids points out some swimming chicks. Amused I say that there aren't swimming chicks. DH interrupts me and points saying yes there are. I say no and they all join in pointing until I snatch up toddler DS and say very firmly, 'Look at the DUCKLINGS sweetheart.'

People were ever so polite in pretending they weren't listening to us argue.

Years ago in a pub heard one guy say to his friend: "not drinking tonight?" to which the friend replied: "nah, I'm on antibiotics, got gonorrhea AGAIN".

Last summer a friend and I were visiting Naples and were spending the afternoon lounging by the pool when a fellow guest and her travelling companion decided to go for a swim. She got in wearing both her t-shirt and very large straw hat. (Whilst I appreciate the sun-safety factor it only served to enhance the comedic value of the following encounter)

She began a stream of conciousness about her upcoming excursion to Pompeii that went something along these lines:

"We're going to Pompee tomorrow...... I've never been but I don't really understand all the excitement as I hear it's all ruins. We must take water as there's no shelter there, apparently. I hear there's a petrified dog too!"

This isn't an overheard and also a case of, you should've really been there...but... has been a catchphrase of friend & I ever since.

Walking back to our Uni past a Holland & Barratt and a completely hyper, ecstatic woman RAN out the door with carton soya milk in her arms and up to us, and proclaimed 'Soya! It's soya! SOYA!! It's SOYA!'

(it was late 80s, I don't expect soya milk was readily available before then, but even so!) Whenever anything exciting happens, we remark that it's 'SOYA' !!