Overheard on the bus

[AdventuringAbout]

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

[oldbagface]

Hilarious thread

[SawingForTeens]

Teenager: look at that squirrel on the telephone wire!!! How is it not being electrocuted?

Friend: they’re coated.

Teenager: they coat squirrels!?

[Hecateh]

Leaving the crematorium after my uncle's funeral I was behind my Dad (92) and his sister (89).

Dad said loudly to his sister 'Ah well - 4 down, just us 2 to go'.

[mumwon]

(decades ago when I was a teenager) My girlfriends & I were waiting in the queue outside the cinema to see "Romeo & Juliet" (Ahem the 1968 version!) a girl waiting in the queue behind us piped up "what happens in the end?" half the queue turned round to look at her - she really meant it

[Hollanda40]

Two young girls.

1: Yea I was chucked ahht of Greggs innit
2: Why?
3: The cops said I was racially abusive and I never. I just told the P**i twat to fuck off.

[unababy]

Overheard, standing at the school gates waiting for our 6 year olds.

Child: Some children say Father Christmas is not real and our parents buy all the presents. Is this true?
Mum: What do you think?
Child: He must be real because you and daddy couldn't possibly afford all those presents.

[unababy]

Not strictly an overhead but interesting all the same. The story was told to me by my French teacher so I am paraphrasing a bit. She was in a supermarket queue behind a man 30/40 ish who was behind a young mum whose small daughter was repeatedly pushing her trolley into an elderly lady in front.
The elderly lady asked the child to stop but mum replied that she was bringing up her daughter to do 'what she wants when she wants' so she will stop if she wants to.
The young man behind, picked up a jar of jam from the conveyor belt, opened it and emptied it over the head of the Mum, informing her that his mother had brought him up to do 'what he wants when he wants' too.
Everyone around laughed loudly as the embarrassed mum stormed out.

[FortheloveofCod]

My sister and I overhead an elderly guy moaning while being dragged round the shops "why are you always dragging me to Marks and Suspenders!"

Then again my sister once asked for a 'McSlurry' in McDonald's by accident. The guy looked really bewildered.

[AsleepAllDay]

Walking in the city, behind two young women... one says earnestly to the other: 'I'm so sorry I wet your bed!'

[ForgotthegoodnameIcameupwith]

In the bakery aisle in a supermarket, a young mum with a small child:
"Will you fucking stop it, if you put any more bite marks in those bread rolls I'm going to have to buy them!"

[Clandestino]

In a ZOO, wolf and polar fox enclosure next to each other:
Child: Dad, Dad, what's the animal over there? (points at the fox)
Father (with an air of supreme knowledge and importance): That's baby wolf.

[ephemeralfairy]

In a supermarket just outside Glasgow:
Man: She's such an arrogant bitch, Nicola Sturgeon, thinking she can just swan about doing whatever she wants. Now she's been put in her place right enough.
Woman: Yes....now do we need tomatoes?

[Lweji]

Heard today:

I'm going to call my friend X. He works in Y.
He used to be my son in law. He isn't anymore. Now he's my future son in law.



I wasn't sure if this man separated from one daughter and is about to marry the other daughter, or if the woman didn't know the meaning of future.
She did have few social skills and gave the air of being a past drug addict.

[TillyMint81]

I need to know if mollyredskirts and princessgenie were in the same place at the same time!

[RortyCrankle]

Years ago I was sitting next to a woman and her baby on one of the long seats on a bus - she was trying to breast feed the baby without any luck. In exasperation she said to the baby well if you don't want it I will give it to that nice man over there, pointing to a man on facing seat. Poor man's face went red with embarrassment and there were a few laughs from other passengers

[newnameoldme]

mollyredskirts and princessgenie love this!!!!

[newnameoldme]

2 mums at a playplace
mum1 ' dillll dilll would you like to make a picture...?'
mum2 'is your son called Dylan? so is mine..'
mum1 (quick flash of horror at the presumption) 'no his name is Dill..like the herb'
mum1 'ohh nice...' forlornly returns to concentrating on grubby duplo

me silent mentally noting to share on mumsnet when opportunity arises

[ManorMouse]

Rat-faced young scrote talking on his mobile.


"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what did he say?"
....

"Look, I know I was supposed to be there too but I forgot."
....

"Yeah, that sounds bad alright."
....

"But what did the judge say about me?"
....

"I TOLD you I forgot!" (He's smirking now so I don't believe him)
....

"JUST FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME!"


He went into a bookies at this point so I heard nothing else.

[Crazyvaperlady]

Overheard in a bus stop, 2 young lads talking about one having sex with his girlfriend
1: and I got halfway through and realised I needed a shit, but I couldn't stop could I?
2:na mate she'd go off the boil before you'd had chance to wipe your arse
1: Yeah so I carried on, and as I tensed up ready to cum dramatic pause I shat myself all over her bed! Was runny and everything!

[Lweji]

Just heard, two women:
Yesterday was handcuff day, but I got home so tired that all I wanted was to eat and then off to bed.

Not 50 shades stuff for sure.

[GlitteryFluff]

These are so funny.

[MollyRedskirts]

29/12/2014 16:36 Princessgenie

When I was in hospital after having my daughter the young girl in the next cubicle had given birth to a 10lb+ baby (who was absolutely gorgeous). Her boyfriends dad walked in and went 'fooking hell he's a big bastard'. I nearly died.



This was me! May 2010, a Merseyside hospital? Or there's another insensitive git walking around who said exactly the same thing. Wouldn't surprise me.

[wideboy26]

And sometimes the briefest snippet of conversation tells a story. I was walking out of a shop once at the same time as two young women were walking in. In the second or so that their conversation was audible as we passed each other, I heard one say to the other "Did Kelly tell you what Wayne done to 'er? Bastard."

I repeated this to the secretaries when I got back to the office and they never forgot it. We would often wonder subsequently whether Kelly and Wayne were still together.

[wideboy26]

Two youngish men in suits who evidently haven't seen each other for a while. The first asks the other how he is etc and how is the baby. The other replies that he got fed up with it crying and constantly needing attention, so he swapped it for a Duran Duran CD. The first exclaims "You did WHAT? I can't believe you just said that!" to which the other replies "I know - they're a crap band, aren't they"

[ManorMouse]

A smartly dressed woman talking on her mobile.

"I could get fired for doing this."

(Listens to other person)

"I was told that I would be fired!"

(Whoever she was speaking to was obviously telling her to get with the Zeitgeist as experts aren't to be listened to these days)

"It doesn't matter who told me. They said that you were wrong and it is a serious breach of the rules."

(Again, more "Experts? What do they know?")

She took the phone from her ear and glared at it before speaking again.

"I didn't promise anything, I said I'd check if it was okay before doing it."

(Yet more "Who cares? Where's my cheeky favour")

"That's the end of it as far as I'm concerned!"

She crossed the street at this point so I heard nothing else.