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Original poster

Weird accidents that are strangely hilarious

260 replies

SnakeyMcBadass · 27/01/2014 10:35

I got up to check on the DC last night and tip toed across the squeaky landing. Returning to the bedroom, I somehow managed to walk/bump into the lever door handle. The door handle threaded itself down the side of my pants, stopping any forward motion of said pants. My arse, however, was still in motion. I was still on tip toe, managed to get a front bum wedgie, and tip forwards. I put my hands out to stop my fall, and DH woke up to find me doing a weird half handstand while attached to the door and muttering 'Fuck, fuck, fuck'. He pissed himself laughing rather than helping to free me, the bastard. I have a cracking bruise on my hip and a carpet burn on my elbow, but the pants are still intact. I am quite impressed by the engineering, tbh. Anyone else hung themselves upside down from a door?

OP posts:
edamsavestheday · 27/01/2014 22:33

I am crying with laughter...

I was once on the phone to my sister, many years ago when I actually smoked in the house. Managed to set fire to my fringe. But it was a deep and meaningful conversation, so I just tipped my cup of tea over my fringe, put the fire out and carried on talking. Dh was in fits.

Another tea-related one, we were once about to start watching a DVD. DH makes me a lovely big mug of tea, but in an insulated mug with a lid. I think, oh, that's weird, take the lid off. Two minutes later there's a scary moment, I jump, end up covered in flipping tea from head to foot. Dh pissed himself laughing at me and kept telling me 'there's a reason I put a lid on your tea!'

Oh, and I once managed to knock a tooth out hoovering the stairs. Bad idea to hoover with one of those big Vax things from top to bottom, meaning this large, heavy thing is above you on the half-landing. On castors...

Shosha1 · 27/01/2014 22:37

When I was a young one. I had a figure like Dolly Parton.

Accross the road from my parents a new hospital was being built.

Every time I went out I got wolf whistled and called at.

I hated it.

One day one of the old fat guys was walking backwards along the scaffolding keeping pace with me making remarks.

I looked steadfastly in front ignoring him

Suddenly there was a crash and scream. I looked up

He had fallen off the end of the scaffolding and straight into a load of barrels

I just stood there and roared with laughter.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 27/01/2014 22:37

I swear I have never laughed this much in my life. I clearly have a very sadistic sense of humour.

From the bottom of my heart snakey thank you. You have just made my day with this thread.

edamsavestheday · 27/01/2014 22:39

Shosha1, that must have been very satisfying. Grin

CakeyCakeyCakey · 27/01/2014 22:47

I'll have that cup of tea now I'm coming.

CakeyCakeyCakey · 27/01/2014 22:48

Ok... I must really need that cup of tea, that was meant to be a text to Dh.

Carry on, nothing to see here.
Blush

BoffinMum · 27/01/2014 22:49

I was in IKEA once and a kid broke a plastic drinks cup and got it stuck between his front teeth, and completely panicked. We had to wiggle his teeth until it came out.

RabbitPies · 27/01/2014 22:50

In primary school,a boy called George got his coat stuck. He couldn't get the zip undone to take it off,and the hood was tight against his head,and in an attempt to remove the coat,the teacher tried to yank on the hood,but all succeeded in doing was repeatedly lifting poor George into the air,and swinging him around. This went on for over ten minutes. I felt so sorry for him,but I couldn't help laughing my head off.

minesapintofwine · 27/01/2014 22:50

Grin Grin at CAKEY. Now THAT has made my day!

RabbitPies · 27/01/2014 22:53

And my own.

I was on the bus,perched rather precariously on the outside seat,and was reading a newspaper. The bus turned a corner,and I fell straight over onto my side,a bit like Delboy with the bar and landed still clutching my newspaper open in both hands. It bloody hurt,but even I had to laugh at that.

Greenmug · 27/01/2014 22:55

I was getting off the bus on the way to work and the doors had opened but the bus hadn't quite stopped. I gaily jumped off like the do on films but the bus had been going faster than I thought and I kept running and ran straight into the side of a bus shelter.

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/01/2014 22:55

the other week while at work in full uniform, i managed to miss the step up into the station and tripped, my forward motion propelled me about 6 feet before i crash landed on my face causing some rather impressive grazes to my face.

no one was around to witness this debacle, however i wasnt aware that i had caused any visible injury and tried to nonchalantly walk as if nothing had happened into the parade room.

this resulted in horrified stares of my colleagues and cries of "what the fuck happened to you??" as blood dripped from my forehead and lip and my hair which is usually neatly stowed into a nice tight bun looked like i had just inserted my finger in a socket.

my glasses however remained on my face at all times and survived the crash landing. miraculous things.

my sgt pissed himself. and everyone ran to see if it had been captured on CCTV. such concern!

Greenmug · 27/01/2014 22:55

I was getting off the bus on the way to work and the doors had opened but the bus hadn't quite stopped. I gaily jumped off like the do on films but the bus had been going faster than I thought and I kept running and ran straight into the side of a bus shelter.

RubyGoat · 27/01/2014 23:07

Absolutely crying with laughter at these. Definitely one for Classics!

Jbck · 27/01/2014 23:08

I'm going to go back and read all but I'll lose my place.

V heavily pg with DD1 on a very hot August day I was crossing front lawn when my foot went down a little hole and I fell right over onto my back. Couldn't get up and spent what felt like forever shouting on DH for help. He and a friend were in the back garden and didn't hear me.

I was getting a bit frantic, thinking I was stuck turtle like forever and not a single neighbour around to help, managed to roll over and still couldn't get up so crawled on all fours to the front door. Knocked pathetically on bottom of door till DH arrived with said friend at his back , peeing themselves.

I was scarlet in a mix of heat, panic, sweat and anger at them laughing.

To top it all off, contractions started an hour or so later but didn't come to much, as I'd had the fall I called hospital for advice and they insisted I come in to be checked over, DH wasn't so amused at me being kept in for monitoring till past midnight and then having to come home as contractions stopped. Serves him right.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 27/01/2014 23:09

*Definitely one for Classics!

^^This. Everytime I had a shit day I would log on to read. No matter how bad your day has been at least you haven't (Insert any of the above)

TarteAuxRiz · 27/01/2014 23:09

Not me, but a friend. A group of us were siting in the park after a picnic and he lay down for a little snooze, he did the most enormous yawn and as he did we heard a 'plop' sound...a passing bird had shat straight into his mouth! It was gross, but bloody hilarious!!

foslady · 27/01/2014 23:11

Was invited many many years ago to work on Top gear Live, on the Live Action show. We were supposed to be New Aged Travellers protesting about a Silverstone Bypass (this being the days when it was held there). The arena held 2000 people. As the last few people files in we were sitting around our makeshift mocked up camp on some seats ripped out of cars used for other parts of the show. I decided to rock on my seat, pushing myself backwards.....until I overbalanced and all you could see was my two stumpy legs waving in the air.
I got the biggest cheer of the performance.....

Original poster
SnakeyMcBadass · 27/01/2014 23:20

The sad pillowcase pops into my head at random intervals and I always end up crying. Just said 'Remember Ds2 and the pillowcase?' to DH and he is now hysterical again Grin

OP posts:
BeaWheesht · 27/01/2014 23:28

This one isn't really an accident as such but when I was 18 and working in a bar in my home town some very fit visiting workmen came in. All good, they ordered their pints and were all friendly and smiley and flirty until I passed them their drinks, did a weird twitch and threw the contents straight at them. Their faces literally were Shock.

Ds aged 2 wanted a stupid ball out of one of those machines where you pay a pound and twist the handle. I said no so he put his hand up the escape Shute bit and got stuck.

He also managed to wrap his leg under a chair during dinner out and got it stuck between the bars. He howled.

Dd was very accident prone between 1-2.5 but they were mostly pretty scary, however she did decide recently (aged3) to ignore my warnings and go down our steep hill on her scooter. First she was laughing, then silence and then she screamed 'mummy the wheels are going faster than my legs can' and crashed into a sign.

BeaWheesht · 27/01/2014 23:31

Oh and ds fell out of bed one night and started crying - we went in to him and he was doing his whiny voice and I said stop it go to sleep (he was a nightmare sleeper) and he climbed into bed and said 'but mummy' and I said 'no talking or ill be cross'. He went back to sleep. The next morning he came through with the worst black eye I have ever seen.

What makes it worse is we were on holiday and dd have herself a bruised and scratched face 2 days later. I was convinced SS would be banging on the door.

BeaWheesht · 27/01/2014 23:38

Oh and in primary we had to line up outside our class before break and you got told off if you so much as sniffed.

Girl in front of me called Joanne vomited silently into the hood of the girl in front (also called Joanne) just as the teacher said 'zips and hoods up now its snowing'.

I don't think I even found it funny at the time it was that disgusting but years later I find it hilarious. note if my kid was one of the 2 Joannes I'd be bloody horrified

CakeyCakeyCakey · 27/01/2014 23:38

Bea my husband has mild Tourette's and he twitches, he's worse if he thinks about it and his Tourette's listens to suggestions.
It pisses him off massively if you just quietly say "don't throw that drink" because he automatically twitches and throws it.

Not as funny when ds was newly born and Dh was having his first cuddle, I was high on all the drugs they could give me and said in passing to Dh not even thinking "don't have a twitch and throw him at the wall" Dh had this look Shock went deathly pale and very very slowly laid ds on the bed he then went and stood in the corner of the room for ten mins glaring at me and alternating between twitching so bad he looked like he had Parkinson's and waving us arms over his head.
He was nervous holding ds the second time but apart from a few muscle jerks he's never twitched whe holding him, I still feel bad that in my drugged up state I basically told his Tourette's to throw the baby at the wall.

wodalingpengwin · 27/01/2014 23:59

These are priceless Grin

We were having dinner in the garden one summer and I came out of the house carrying a fish pie. I walked into and broke my toe on a very solid wooden garden chair, pitched forward over the table and threw our dinner at the garden wall.

I was also walking home drunk late one night and gawping in through people's windows where they hadn't shut their curtains, like you do. Walked straight into a small but sturdy tree and was knocked flat on my back. I know what it truly means to be stunned. When I got home dh was horrified, I looked like I'd been beaten up.

StarSwirl92 · 28/01/2014 00:07

Lying in my garden enjoying a book when my lovely pet rabbit runs up, pees in my eye and hops away. I had to call my mother in case I needed to go get it looked at and I still don't read in my garden 2 years later.

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