Weird accidents that are strangely hilarious

[SnakeyMcBadass]

I got up to check on the DC last night and tip toed across the squeaky landing. Returning to the bedroom, I somehow managed to walk/bump into the lever door handle. The door handle threaded itself down the side of my pants, stopping any forward motion of said pants. My arse, however, was still in motion. I was still on tip toe, managed to get a front bum wedgie, and tip forwards. I put my hands out to stop my fall, and DH woke up to find me doing a weird half handstand while attached to the door and muttering 'Fuck, fuck, fuck'. He pissed himself laughing rather than helping to free me, the bastard. I have a cracking bruise on my hip and a carpet burn on my elbow, but the pants are still intact. I am quite impressed by the engineering, tbh. Anyone else hung themselves upside down from a door?

DH did this.

one early-ish summer morning he went in the garden for a fag, noticed some birdpoo on the kitchen window so decided to stand on this old bench to reach.

the bench broke, he really hurt himself - the funny bit is that he was stark naked and had to scurry in as he was worried the neighbours might look outside to check what the almighty racket (noise, thump & swearing) was all about!

I mildly electrocuted my DD3 in the face last week trying to quieten her down in a shop. Unknown to me I had built up a static charge and when I went to place my finger on her lips to remind her to shush I electrocuted her instead. She looked at me in utter disbelief and was very wary of my 'zap finger' for the rest of the week.

I am also crying at the jiggy-legged tens machine.

I am fairly accident prone. I must have a story somewhere.

Poor you Theodorus! Hope your finger isn't too sore you eejit

I love the five star coat hanger down the top impression

My sister has very funny accidents.

There was the time she was walking along the beach, with her shoes in her hand and decided to walk into a little pool. As she did so, she said something along the lines of "I wonder if it's d..." (going to be deep) and fell into it and disappeared up to her knees, fell forward and disappeared except for her hand holding her shoes up out of the water. Sat upright and waited for everyone to stop laughing long enough to help her.

Then there was the time she was out for a walk with her neighbour and our parents. She was on a bike and they came to the old railway tracks so she got off and walked the bike along. It became very narrow, so she stepped to the side to walk on the grass bit while she wheeled the bike along the track.

Except it wasn't a grassy bit. It was extremely LONG grass hiding a huge ditch. Everyone was ahead of her. Heard an 'oof'. Turned round. She'd vanished. They retraced their steps and found her lying in the ditch, nettle rash ^everywhere). Bike on top of her. She looked up at them and said "isn't anyone going to help me out of here?"

Our dad helped her while her neighbour and our mother almost died laughing.

She had to walk the rest of the way covered in nettle rash and some sort of pollen. With her neighbour stopping every few feet to drop to his knees and laugh until he couldn't breathe.

They made her stop for a drink in the pub before taking her home so she could get cleaned up.

I can't compete with that. The only funny to others but sure as hell not to me accident is when I went for an alfresco pee and nettled my nethers. ow.

Oh! I've remembered the sledging one.

Me, my sister and our dad, sledging down the hill. Now, this was a very steep hill with a wide track to one side and a hedge along the rest of the way. So we slid down the hill then pulled the sledge to go slightly left to the track where it then went onto some flat ground and we'd stop.

Dad went, pulled left, stopped.
I went, pulled left, stopped.
Sister went.

Straight through the hedge.

We could all do with that superpower, hypo.

DD and I were on Park and Ride bus when she was about 10, very crowded so we ended up sitting on the stairs. At 'getting off time' she stood up and managed to wedge her folded arm into the gap between the hand rail and the wall. I couldnt get her out of this and no-one could get down the stairs.

She's probably still there.

No, seriously. Kind man told her to twist her arm into another position and out it came. I of course had every scenario whizzing through my head including firemen taking the bus apart....

not really an accident but the first time I went skiing being a total beginner I had no control over what I was doing.

I only went on the kid slope (800m long! ) - during the day people sat around the edges & bottom of slope to watch the children.

one family decided to have a picnic lunch - they didn't count on me skiing into some dog poo moments before skiing through their picnic blanket.

it was like a Benny Hill moment.

I got stuck in a wheelie bin once. The tall, narrow sort. It was when they were still new, and you weren't supposed to put garden waste in them. Of course mum had almost finished her autumn tidy-up, and had just a few bits that weren't worth going to the dump for, so she asked me to tread them down for her before the household rubbish went in.

I climbed onto the garden wall and into the wheelie bin. Then I found I couldn't climb out again. The bin was too narrow for me to bend my knees and too high for me to lift myself up with my arms. Mum had to run around finding more garden waste to chuck in, and I trod it down, gradually getting higher in the bin. Only it wasn't all garden waste...all the household bins went in as well...including the kitchen bin...and the cat's litter tray.

I was saying goodbye to my DS at nursery one day. As I turned I got my foot stuck in the turn up to my trousers, I had my hands in my pockets so I gracefully pirouetted to the floor - knocking over and squashing a deaf child who was innocently facing away from me at the time. Said child was OK but upset, as was his mum who looked at me horrified.
The guilt, oh the guilt

When we went sledging as kids, the best place to go near us was to the dam. The only problem with it was that at the bottom was a three metre wide gap to aim your sledge through and either side of that gap was a concrete ditch immediately followed by a hedge. The trick was to sledge down the hill, aim through the gap and have enough momentum to pull left to finish in the little grassy (snowy) area behind the hedges. The day I remember best, there were a group of five of us together taking turns with three sledges between us, with the youngest member of our group (db2) having to double up with the others - he was only four at the time and we were attempting to be responsible! He begged and begged us to be able to have a go on his own. Eventually we said ok, make sure you pull the string to steer the sledge or you'll end up in one of the ditches. He sat in the sledge at the top of the dam, huge smile on his face, all ready to go, so we gave him a big push. He went like a rocket, and we were all screeching "STEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!" as the sledge careened down the slope.

He didn't manage to steer it. Yes, he ended up face first in a ditch. Thankfully, when we pulled him out he was fine, he thought it was absolutely brilliant and could he have another go?! He did better than me though, I've been run over twice by sledges - once as a tot when I fell forwards off the front of the sledge I was riding on, and my own dad ran me over with it, and then just last year, where I was bowled over by someone going top speed down hill in an inflatable sledge. How I didn't land on them I don't know, but Dh (who saw it, and kudos to him for not wetting himself laughing at the time) reckons she was going that fast they had already gone down the rest of the hill before I'd hit the ground. After I'd recovered from the headache and whiplash, I asked him what it looked like - like something out of a cartoon, apparently!

At the end of our 'first dance' at our wedding DH suddenly lifted me up in the air - bashing my head straight into a chandelier...

Im crying here

Glad to this is in classics

long tailed

my dad and mum were pretending once that they were ballet dancers, prancing around he decided to lift her while jumping a bit - bashed her head straight into the top of the doorframe!

then he slipped and broke his little toe!

Picture this happy pastoral scene of some years ago:

I am in field holding lead rope of friend's Welsh Cob (stocky breed of horse) in one hand and lead of SelectAScattyCollie in the other. Gate of field is open as friend - who has no stable, just field - gets tack out of boot of car in preparation for me to have jolly ride on horse with view to taking him on loan.

Something worth chasing catches ScattyCollie's eye and she lunges suddenly in one direction, barking incessantly. I am taken by surprise and pulled off-balance. Friend's horse promptly spooks at barking dog and tries to bolt. In opposite direction. Towards open gate and thence, road. I have brief dilemma: which one do I let go of? In meantime arms are being pulled out of sockets like medieval torture procedure. Decide horse is capable of doing more damage/being damaged if loose on road so drop dog lead. Unfortunately too late to regain balance so fall forward as horse shoots off. Am dragged unceremoniously across field on my belly, still clinging to lead rope. Bounce through pile of fresh dung, face-first. Come to undignified stop as friend, having heard commotion, appears in field gateway with saddle in arms and brings horse to standstill with a stern glare. Or possibly witchcraft.

Friend closes gate, calms horse down and retrieves dog while I clamber slowly to feet, nursing rope burns. And grass burns. And various random scratches. And horseshit stains down entire front. Friend then tries to describe how it looked. Struggles to do so because of hysterical laughter. Only discernible words appear to be "like a Benny Hill sketch".

I did not ride that day.

UterusUterusGhali howling at the thought of you stuck under a fridge and your DS is in highchair

Excellent, Selectausername.

Both of mine involve my sister.

At the age of eight, she was messing around with my mother's sewing machine when she managed to send the needle straight through her finger and into the bone.

My sister has epilepsy and asthma, and the shock of the pain trigged both a petit mal fit and an asthma attack. Fearing to remove the machine in case the needle broke off in her finger, my parents bundled her, complete with heavy duty steel machine still attached, into the car and drove her at top speed to the nearest hospital. The bewildered but fabulous team in the A&E department found themselves simultaneously treating a child for a fit, a massive asthma attack, and a severe case of sewing-machine-finger.

Fast forward twenty years or so, and my sister is a geneticist, doing research on cancer genes, using mice as a research model. One of the aforementioned rodents decided to strike a blow for all mouse-kind one day, and sank its teeth into her finger, hitting the bone.

The pain made her react instinctively, and she tried to pull the mouse off, but in doing so broke its neck, killing it instantly.

So now she had a mouse embedded firmly in her finger: she didn't dare pull it out, in case the teeth broke off in her bone and caused an infection.

She drove herself to A&E where, on being asked by the triage nurse what the problem was, she wordlessly held up her hand, complete with attached rodent.

The nurse did not bat an eyelid. I suppose working in A&E means nothing surprises you after a while...

Mine's not about my but my DF.

When I was young I remember waking up to the sound of BANG! Ouch! BANG! Ouch! Turns out my mother had sent my father into the spare room because of his drunken snoring, but on his way he accidentally slipped and fell down the stairs.

2 points make me giggle when I think about it:

1. DF was bollock naked as it was a heatwave - hence carpet burns in some very painful places.

1. My mother shouting down the stairs "You better not have broken my table!!" no regard for my father's safety at all

I am so accident prone it's family legend.

Broke my nose on my OHs solid wooden bedframe after seeing gymnastics on the TV and trying to give him a demonstration of what I'd learnt in gym lessons from years ago.

Fell out of a friends tree house and onto their BBQ, fortunately it wasn't on.

Broke my nose at work twice (I'm a nurse) and had to sit in A&E in my uniform with an ice brick clamped to my face.

Knocked myself out on a cupboard door and had to go to A&E where one of my uni tutors was the nurse in charge.

Got a heel of my shoe caught in a crack in the pavement, tripped as I tried to carry on walking and face planted the pavement.

The list goes on, Lord knows what will happen when DS arrives.

Another very accident prone person now. Some of my funniest accidents include.

Getting off a cable car while grappling with a sledge and a toddler and getting my foot caught between the moving cake car and the concourse. It was very painful as my ankle was getting squished. Managed to wrench it free.

Standing at a bus stop when a 1mx1mx1m block of snow slid off the hotel roof four floors up and landed on my head. Knocked me out. Dh says I'm the only person he knows who's been avalanched while shopping.

Oh wow, too many of these to count!

Fave one this evening, on holiday in Spain with mates, feeling brave enough to wear hot pants for the first time. Go up to hotel bar to buy bottle of water, creepy Spanish guy tells me 'you vey sexy laydee', I feel (stupidly) delighted, sashay away, and perch on the wrong end of a sun lounger, making me fall flat on my arse and have the lounger somersault over me, pinning me to the floor.

I have a funny one which is funny for me but not so for dh!

years ago when we were first married - about 21 years ago I had an old fashioned typewriter - no computer at home then. It was very odl fashioned - a vintage olivetti where the top part would move as you typed and when you got to the end of the page you had to hit it to move it to the beginning again. I think its called carriage return.

Anyway dh had just started a business and I used to type up his few accounts for him to deliver to his customers on this ancient maching.

One saturday night dh had just had a shower and was sitting next to me in thin boxers and nothing else and we started to do his accounts. He made very hot tea with no milk for both of us and put his cup down on a table near the ancient olivetti.

Cue me reaching the end of the page and hitting carriage return and the top part knocked his tea which promptly spilt in his lap scalding his privates! Dh screamed and ran into the bathroom where we applied cold water whilst I stifled huge screams of laughter.

Eventually after he'd swallowed paracetomol and it was still getting worse and his poor little fishing tackle was bright red and swelling we decamped to A and E.

Dh not dreaming that the staff would find it funny recounted with indignance what had happened only to glimpse through the curtain the nurses cracking up outside his cubicle together!!

We dined out on that story for weeks but couldnt' do much else